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Older Aspies and Younger Aspies

Peace said:
Ditto Sportster. My discovery was at 47, yet I own a house, raised two kids and two step kids, worked my whole life (God, the days I had to literally drag myself out of bed despite my depression), pay my taxes and now own my own business (self employed).
Socially, things are much different nowadays though. We no longer have the "Pull Yourself Up By The Bootstraps" mentality. Plus, the medical field and pharmaceutical companies realize how much money they can make if everyone has something wrong with them, so the "Push" is on to justify every possible thing that they can "Treat".
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I was diagnosed last week @ 33. I always knew I wasn't like other people. I am wired so differently, that I sometimes have difficulty even liking most "normal" people, but I grew up in a "bootstraps" family environment. My parents, sensing I was different, taught me to balance being unique with a "fake it to make it" approach. The idea was be yourself when it doesn't get in the way of getting what you want. My parents very sensibly taught me that it's no good to stand in your own way. I think most of us have some appreciation for logic/reason, and there is no logic to being your own worst enemy if you can help it.

I think if I had been able to label myself as AS/ASD as a child, then maybe my parents would have pushed me less. Maybe I'd have pushed myself less. Maybe it would have made no difference. All I know is that I had a very difficult time as a child, but I have learned ways to overcome the challenges leading to those difficulties. So, while I encourage people to take help when they get it, I do believe the "bootstraps" approach is also very important: you've got to start with taking responsibility.

In fact, I suspect that help is more helpful to those people who are already invested in improving themselves, with a firm grasp on their own bootstraps.
 
Loomis said:
The older aspies who post here at a minimum have a computer with an internet connection and the wherewithal to find an aspie forum.

The world can be a cruel, uncaring, mean and nasty place for people who do not fit in. Many older aspies are not here because they have come to a bad end. I suspect a good portion of aspies born in the 1950s and 1960s are dead, homeless, in the throes of alcoholism or drug addiction, in jails and other unpleasant institutions or suffering from severe health problems due to poor medical care. (The United States is notorious for providing substandard medical care for its poor.)
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America's healthcare system is woeful for anyone needing it, ASD or NT nothwithstanding.
 
I am 42 and was diagnosed age 36. At first I felt ashamed and didn't want to talk about it, then when i learned more about it I felt relived that there was a reason for not managing as well as others (over 80 jobs, quit or fired) and plenty of fallouts with friends . I used to get so depressed about these things but now that was took away, i had a reason. But very little support was offered to me ( in fact non) I asked the psyciatrist "what am i supposed to do now?" "avoid stress" he said. Easier said than done when you still are expected to work full time and operate as everyone else.

Like another poster said I was furious when i thought back to my upbringing in Uk in 70s and 80s. I was placed in care with peadophiles there, I was caned at school for being me, I was labelled retarded and "Malajusted" 2 suicide attempts , 3 severe beatings, and several periods of homelessness. then thrown out on my own. I was often told " you will end up in borstal" . I couldn't help thinking that i missed out on a career through lack of guidance , like younger aspies get now. Then when i looked into help and support there was hardly any offline,its all for children. But being bitter isn't helping me now, I just have to play on in the game with the cards i have now. When I was recently on Facebook i saw some people i was at school with, two of them were bigger trouble makers than me yet they seemed happy, settled and had full family support. I had none at all.

Having the diagnosis has affected my confidence as the more i read about AS started doubting my abilities to cope. Yet before i just got on with things and was tougher although i did get down.

Yes I agree with another poster the psyciatric business dose like to create all these lables to have us all on meds but back in the old days we just accepted other kids as quirky or mad heads Lol. Im glad I've found this site. And yes Im still a bit of a mess but I've kicked one addiction off, quit smoking and Suvived to my 40s. (pat on back).

Us Aspies are often accused of not being empathetic but i believe we feel the emotions 10 times more strongly than N.Ts this is why we avoid the intensity of it. Also even though we don't fit in with society i believe we are better than "Them" anyway. My experience of the life I have been disgusted by the way people treat one another and especially animals.
 
Andrew_Collins said:
).

Us Aspies are often accused of not being empathetic but i believe we feel the emotions 10 times more strongly than N.Ts this is why we avoid the intensity of it. Also even though we don't fit in with society i believe we are better than "Them" anyway. My experience of the life I have been disgusted by the way people treat one another and especially animals.
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I agree I am extraordinarily avoident of many situation, in an effort to not to be emotionally overwhelmed. That makes me miss out on some experiences though.
You are only 42, you could still carve out a career niche that fits your strengths and weaknesses.
 
GallacticGorilla said:
I agree I am extraordinarily avoident of many situation, in an effort to not to be emotionally overwhelmed. That makes me miss out on some experiences though.
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My deal on the social events were that I always admired the focus made on celebrity and try to place myself near it to experience it closely...that enables me to meet some very special individuals in often common grounds and see quite a bit by doing so...if I had not taught myself that it was ok to do that,I would have missed a lot...I call myself an introverted extrovert... it was a coping mechanism that was fruitful for me
 
Sportster said:
I will be the first to admit that I have not read anything by Temple Grandin, which I plan to rectify; I had never heard of her until I came to this site. This morning I saw something on a post referencing her, so I decided to go off on a rabbit trail to see what I could learn. She made a comment that I found very intriguing and apropos to this thread:

"Children in my generation when they were teenagers they had jobs and learned how to work. I cleaned horse stalls," she said. "When I was 8 years old, my mother made me be a party hostess - shake hands, take coats. In the 1950s, social skills were taught in a much more rigid way so kids who were mildly autistic were forced to learn them. It hurts the autistic much more than it does the normal kids to not have these skills formally taught."

She is twelve years older than I am, so it’s interesting to see how the “indoctrination” of social skills have declined over the years. My social skills are not what they should be, even if I “fake it.” However, when I read the posts of Aspies who are twelve years (or more) younger than me, I can see how their social skills are even more diminished than mine.

I was taught early to shake hands, etc., though I never grasped the art of small talk. I never knew what to say when someone would ask, “How are you?” I’ve since learned how to “fake it,” but I still think it’s an ignorant question. Temple’s insight on how she learned when compared to how I learned and how today’s Aspies are learning (or not) seems to indicate a significant change in teaching and learning over the years that has been detrimental in some ways for Aspies.
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I like Temple Grandin very much and she is doing great work. That much said, I take issue with the fact that such an emphasis is placed on helping children with ASD when there needs to be an equal balance of children and adults. Children need healthy, productive adults as role models. With a dearth of healthy adults, the cycle will never end.
 
Having broached the 60 mark I'm still learning about being an aspie. In the UK there is nothing for aspies of my era, the general view being 'you got this far without help', so I'm not holding out hope that someone will come and take my hand. The thing I do realise is that we still have so much to offer, in general we got here on our wits and through knowingly or unknowingly playing to our aspie strengths.

For us older aspies 60 is the new 20 so don't panic :D
 
Sportster...it seems as none of us at our age got any help...I had a full team of brain "experts" miss my autism when I got my TBI

No one ever thought to ask questions about me,they just followed the books on brain damage...after I started to recover and regained my thought processes was when my real recovery progress began...this reinforces the thought of when you want something done right,do it yourself...I will continue to steer my own ship...the other help I got was the day I quit their med program...a huge batch of poison fit for killing rats
 
Sportster said:
I agree. It seems that the “older generation” (pre 80’s) of Aspies is forgotten or neglected. I’m still learning about the disorder and living with it, or “properly” living with it since it’s been part of my life for over 54 years. I’ve noticed that there seems to be a lack of resources for older Aspies; at least not like you find for children. It’s wonderful that children today do not have to struggle as we did because the disorder was unknown, but it would be nice if there was more research and life skills training for older Aspies.

I can’t speak for others, but I’m confident there are many who have experienced life the same way I have. It has been an ongoing cycle of trial and error, sink or swim. As I was growing up, I didn’t have anyone to take me by the hand and say, “This is why . . .,” “You should do . . .,” etc. As I find myself screaming toward 60 and beyond, I often wonder what life will be like as a “senior Aspie.” I’ve yet to see anything on the subject.
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I just made the "sink or swim generation." I'd say I mostly swam. I'm still alive so that means something.
 
You do all know I have the Temple Grandin visual event,right?

It is very complicated to describe in just a few lines of text

I spoke with Dr. Grandin a few months ago when she returned my call...I missed her speaking events so far this year,but plan to meet her during her next round of engagements next year
 
if you have nothing to compare yourself to it seems normal..."can't you see that?"...nope,ya can't...laughs
 
So true.

One of my bug-bears is watching a film adaption of a book. Now I know why.

When I read a novel I 'see' it being played out in my head, characters speaking their lines etc. Go see the film and the characters often look nothing like the people in my head and I lose interest.
 
I get high resolution images stacked much like cards in decks that go by in a blur. I also get high resolution video events...short clips

My brain is able to sort thru billions of them instantly and usually makes sub-folders of related and unrelated things,but often there is only one image that my brain feels is satisfactory for the thought...my brain can also morph pictures that also get tossed into the database...I have imagery of nearly anything that ever interested me to use as references in storage to see again
 
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