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Reasons why I can’t let go of wanting a relationship

Hope is an ok thing.

Telling yourself stories that make you feel bad isn't.

Stories like *well, my brother has a wife and kids. I don't. I'm a loser.*
 
tree said:
Hope is an ok thing.

Telling yourself stories that make you feel bad isn't.

Stories like *well, my brother has a wife and kids. I don't. I'm a loser.*
Click to expand...
It’s just not easy going year after year and what you want from life is still unachieved.
 
If you went so far as to write out your ideas,
you could examine them to determine what
was unrealistic about them.

That would be a start.
 
Sometimes I wish there was a video equivalent to forms of bio-feedback over various difficulties people have. To be able to see how they conduct themselves in real time, but from a third-person perspective.

However an entirely impractical idea, short of having a "wingman" being able to catch it all on video through a concealed cellphone. Even better, through an NT with a likely different perspective of social protocols. Not ridicule anyone, but rather to use as a tool to see exactly what they are doing wrong in real-time social interactions.

That I suspect as much as people want to recollect and analyze their social problems, their perspective may be inherently tainted, without an ability to objectively identify their shortcomings. Always from a common neurological perspective, which may well reflect more of the problem than any solution.

We all hear such accounts, but I can't help but wonder how accurate our own recollection of such encounters really is.
 
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tree said:
If you went so far as to write out your ideas,
you could examine them to determine what
was unrealistic about them.

That would be a start.
Click to expand...
I thought about forcing myself to cold approach even though I have anxiety issues and my attempts of doing it in the past haven’t worked unless you count the short-lived experience with Jennifer.

Maybe forcing myself to drink alcohol more than once in a while and start smoking as well as get some tattoos?
 
"Maybe forcing myself to drink alcohol more than once in a while and start smoking as well as get some tattoos?"
That seems to be a perennial constellation for you.

Notice that the word "force" is involved in both sets of ideas, the 'cold approach' and the
imbibing alcohol/tobacco/tats.

I suggest that you can find more realistic methods within the covers of the book
A Guide to Rational Living.

The trick with that is reading it, then applying the insights.
 
If I am remembering correctingly, I read in Talmer Shockley’s book that the biggest fear I should have is never overcoming my “love-shyness” instead of fearing that I will never have a partner. Unfortunately, I still struggle with the same anxiety issues I’ve had since I was a teenager.
 
You really took that book to heart, didn't you?

In what way has reading it helped you?
If any.

Criticisms of the work include the idea that
it doesn't sufficiently address dealing with
anxiety etc in that way that other self-help
concepts do.

Which might be accomplished through working
with a therapist.
 
Markness said:
If I am remembering correctingly, I read in Talmer Shockley’s book that the biggest fear I should have is never overcoming my “love-shyness” instead of fearing that I will never have a partner. Unfortunately, I still struggle with the same anxiety issues I’ve had since I was a teenager.
Click to expand...

You might consider seeking out professional help, only to find they have a lot to say about that subject:

What You Should Know About Shyness

Shy Behavior: Causes, Impacts, and Strategies for Overcoming Social Anxiety

Sociologists Explain 8 Ways To Help A Shy Person Come Out Of Their Shell

Why Am I So Painfully Shy - Processing Therapy

Painfully Shy

Painful shyness
 
tree said:
You really took that book to heart, didn't you?

In what way has reading it helped you?
If any.

Criticisms of the work include the idea that
it doesn't sufficiently address dealing with
anxiety etc in that way that other self-help
concepts do.

Which might be accomplished through working
with a therapist.
Click to expand...
I hoped it would help me but it made me feel more daunted in overcoming my struggles. It overly focused on developing many types of dating skills and trying to juggle all of them. It almost made me want to give up.

One of the suggestions it had was to visit strip clubs to somehow gain confidence and build up your self-esteem. Apparently that isn’t a good idea.
 
The book didn't address core issues.
The author offered *fixes* that were
more like bandaids than "cures."

The sore spots stayed sore because
there was no healing.
 
tree said:
The book didn't address core issues.
The author offered *fixes* that were
more like bandaids than "cures."

The sore spots stayed sore because
there was no healing.
Click to expand...
He would mention things like how there are still single women though the time period between possibilities seems to increase the older one gets. But he wouldn’t give a solution for the fear of that issue.

He would suggest bars and clubs but only generic ones.
 
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