Reasons why I can’t let go of wanting a relationship

[Markness]

You're a grown man. Your siblings have their own lives to worry about.

You have chosen to remain stagnant. You have had literally years to pursue and obtain your own independence and move out of your mother's house, but you still haven't done it.

I suppose in your eyes that's also their fault.

It's a shame you've wasted so much time trying to find ways to blame everyone rather than working towards a productive goal for yourself.

No, my siblings are constantly helping each other and have intertwined lives.

My mother is a control freak who has fed me bad information year after year and has guilt tripped me whenever I’ve made attempts to move away from her.

 

[Masked Man]

No, my siblings are constantly helping each other and have intertwined lives.

My mother is a control freak who has fed me bad information year after year and has guilt tripped me whenever I’ve made attempts to move away from her.

You have access to the Internet with its wealth of information. You are able to find out information on your own and orchestrate and execute your own move if you actually wanted to do it.

Your siblings are not responsible for you.

If you allow yourself to be guilted into anything, I don't know what to say. That's your problem. Stand up for yourself.

 

[Markness]

Your siblings are not responsible for you.

Yet my siblings can help each other out all they want even though they are adults themselves? That sounds hypocritical of you.

 

[Masked Man]

Yet my siblings can help each other out all they want even though they are adults themselves? That sounds hypocritical of you.

Yes. "All they want." No one is required to do anything at all for you, except your mother in a way because she's your legal guardian. EDIT HERE: It occurred to me that it's possible you believe that because your mother is your legal guardian and you have experienced what amounts to extended parenting, that others should do the same thing for you. Maybe/maybe not, but that thought occurred to me. Anyway...

It's likely they (your siblings) don't know anyone they could introduce you to. If they are not autistic, they are not going to be likely to know anyone in their social circle who would be an appropriate partner for you. My understanding is that your siblings work and have families. Their peers likely do the same. Most adults pair up when they have similar life situations and experiences.

People here have said this before: you should be looking at autistic support groups for connections. Those are the people who are going to be in similar situations as you. But no, your siblings are not required to find you a partner.

 

[Markness]

I used to be a part of an autism support group that’s no longer around. There are no adult support groups in the area anymore and society still tends to focus on just autistic children.

 

[tree]

@Markness

What does your therapist recommend?

 

[Markness]

@Markness

What does your therapist recommend?

She thinks ND-centered support groups are what I should look into as well as hangouts that are ND friendly. She says she saw on the local news a report about a new (In her words) “video game and card game” hangout in Waco. I thought she was talking about a tabletop gaming store I already knew about but apparently it’s different than the one I know.

 

[tree]

How far are you willing to travel to attend such support groups?

 

[Markness]

The distances I have to go to get to certain places and gas price’s doesn’t make things easy for me.

The furthest I’ve driven to a support group meeting was over an hour.

 

[tree]

Locating one that's a convenient/tolerable drive for you would be a goal.

What locations have you identified so far this year?

 

[Markness]

Locating one that's a convenient/tolerable drive for you would be a goal.

What locations have you identified so far this year?

I need to take the time to figure that out.

Apparently I’ve wasted my life and I should feel ashamed about it. How is thinking that going to help me move forward?

 

[tree]

I need to take the time to figure that out.

Apparently I’ve wasted my life and I should feel ashamed about it. How is thinking that going to help me move forward?

You're right.
Thinking that you've wasted your life and you should feel ashamed isn't
going to help you at all.

Those aren't rational concepts.

Makes sense that you need time to figure out where convenient locations for
groups are. If it were magically easy, it would have happened already, a result
of a fervent wish.

 

[Markness]

You're right.
Thinking that you've wasted your life and you should feel ashamed isn't
going to help you at all.

Those aren't rational concepts.

Makes sense that you need time to figure out where convenient locations for
groups are. If it were magically easy, it would have happened already, a result
of a fervent wish.

I may have identified the place my therapist was talking about: Nexus Waco | Esports, Gaming, and Dining Hub in Waco, TX

I have attended different Meet Up groups. Some started good but then went bad and some didn’t catch on for whatever reason.

 

[Markness]

I couldn’t go back to the place in Waco this week because of a hectic work schedule and I got sick two days ago. My mother also has COVID and I apparently shouldn’t go anywhere for two weeks or so.

Why does the universe not want me to have a girlfriend?

 

[tree]

I couldn’t go back to the place in Waco this week because of a hectic work schedule and I got sick two days ago. My mother also has COVID and I apparently shouldn’t go anywhere for two weeks or so.

Why does the universe not want me to have a girlfriend?

You are drawing un-necessary, unwarranted, non-rational conclusions to events.

 

[Markness]

You are drawing un-necessary, unwarranted, non-rational conclusions to events.

I really take setbacks hard because it makes me fear that I am running out of life.

 

[tree]

Re-framing the experiences you call 'set-backs' could help.

 

[Markness]

Re-framing the experiences you call 'set-backs' could help.

According to one of my detractors, I’ve wasted my life. I don’t see how that is going to help me.

 

[tree]

According to one of my detractors, I’ve wasted my life. I don’t see how that is going to help me.

Wonderful.

It's great that you have the advantage of Super Experts to advise you
of Your Many Life Choice Mistakes.

Yes, that was sarcasm or maybe irony.

My point is that you continue to assume that what these *detractors* have to
say matters at all and you also label yourself as a loser who is constantly
experiencing *set backs.*

Unless your experiences actually result in you knowing less than you did before,
would it not be more helpful to you to consider them as small forward steps?

 

[Markness]

Wonderful.

It's great that you have the advantage of Super Experts to advise you
of Your Many Life Choice Mistakes.

Yes, that was sarcasm or maybe irony.

My point is that you continue to assume that what these *detractors* have to
say matters at all and you also label yourself as a loser who is constantly
experiencing *set backs.*

Unless your experiences actually result in you knowing less than you did before,
would it not be more helpful to you to consider them as small forward steps?

I suppose it could be more helpful. I've always had extreme mindsets imposed on me by my family and the people they associate with that really have not helped me.