Sad little autist

[Jonn]

This is me not sleeping well at night. I usual wake at around 1.30 after going to sleep at 11.30 and struggle to get back for hours. If I'm lucky, it's later like 3 or 4. 30.

Do you take any stimulants?
Caffeine is my addiction, and I know I will damage my sleep pattern.
I'm working on wrecking my health as we speak.

 

[Neri]

Do you take any stimulants?
Caffeine is my addiction, and I know I will damage my sleep pattern.
I'm working on wrecking my health as we speak.

I do drink a little coffee and tea. I think they help a tad with my pretty extreme untreated ADHD "combined types".

 

[Jonn]

Some ppl gain from caffeine by taming ADHD, to some degree at least.
But it might make your insomnia worse.
No surprises there.
Is it worth it when proper sleep is an overwhelming benefit in developing emotional stability?

 

[vergil96]

Caffeine helps me with some ADHD symptoms and if I don't drink it past 6pm I'm fine. The post-caffeine crash helps me fall asleep too I have "natural" insomnia.

 

[Outdated]

Coffee never affected me much, increases my body temperature and makes me wee more. On cold winter nights I like a coffee before bed and it never keeps me awake.

 

[Rachie]

Neri you have had a really hard time and my thoughts are with you.

I wil suggest a few things. I think you may have a sensory report, if you can access it, read through it and see if there is anything that may be helpful now and their communications, advise. Me I'll be getting out my drum later and giving a good go.

Also may be you have a sensory kit, look through it and perhaps use something of it if you feel you want to.

Sometimes problems can just seem too much that you have to drop them and do something that is going to make you feel better and and sometimes may behave like a warrior looking for something that you make you feel sweeter for the suffering. For your case supporting victims of abuse someway or something else. Something to be grabbed to be sweeter?

It doesn't have to reach that level and I think you may have grandchildren and even a little few moments with them without the world jargons and get some quality and fun games. If your artistic I think you are creating little personal books depending on age.

Of course I hope you don't cross someone like that again and when you're ready, see if you can avoid these types, but you need to work on yourself, take the time and healing for yourself that you need and try and be good to yourself and get some rest.

 

[Jonn]

Caffeine helps me with some ADHD symptoms and if I don't drink it past 6pm I'm fine. The post-caffeine crash helps me fall asleep too I have "natural" insomnia.

I haven't noticed an overwhelming benefit from caffeine in taming my ADHD, myself.
To the contrary, it causes insomnia/lessened-sleep-length, even if I have it early in the morning, and a change in character.
My frustration threshold is lowered, causing less than considered thoughts/actions.
It also aggravates my histamine intolerance problem.

However:
1. It does help with physical energy if I have to do heavy work.
2. It stimulates my creativity very significantly.
Sleep health, not so much.

 

[Jonn]

Coffee never affected me much, increases my body temperature and makes me wee more. On cold winter nights I like a coffee before bed and it never keeps me awake.

Spoiler: joke

You are mistaken.
This does not comply with my personal experience, therefore, it is erroneous thinking on your part.

As you can see, my lack of ToM is well under control.

 

[Rachie]

I was wondering Neri how was your situation today, I hope your living circumstances are ok.

 

[Neri]

I haven't had any coffee today. My energy levels are very low. My eyes hurt. My head feels groggy and foggy. I haven't left my room in days. I am, officially, in burn out. I still eat pretty health though. I have a fridge in my room. Maybe I'll sleep better, maybe I won't. My bed isn't the best. I had to sleep on the floor on my camp bedroll last night. Bed hurts my back.

I saw my older son the other day, the only other one down here, he's in bad shape. Drugs.

My younger's got similar issues to mine right now, only throw in gender dysphoria and extreme social anxiety. Doesn't really talk to anyone but me.

This is when I say I don't hate my autism or my family member's autism, but, it sure makes my life incredibly challenging. Hating my condition wouldn't help anything. I'm trying to practise kindness and self love and compassion for myself because I feel terrible. I find burn out to be one of the worst things about this condition. Throw in grief from losing a lot. Nearly all my worldly possessions, my relationships with people very important to me, family members, but the guy I gave my heart to for 14 years? Yeah. That hurts a lot. I'm a mess.

 

[Rachie]

Neri, you are going a difficult situation right now. You have lived with someone for so long and I don't what you are like anxiety wise. I think the weather is nice now where you live if like the heat, as where I live it is winter now but summer in Australia right? I don't know may be lunch out in the sea to just get away for a bit with a disability cheap pass, or perhaps go somewhere where you have liked in the past.

It is noisy there or just feel like it keep on your ear protectors.

Is there anyone you can talk to there.

Planning might be useful. For me to have a plan of a way out of situation can be helpful. Like somewhere of your own to live. Get on the ladder if your name is not down. Other long term planning that may be helpful, the practical. Get letters of support if needed, putting the wheels in motion. Seeing the light in the dark can sometimes help you to breathe a bit more.

Can you help around where you are a few hours etc.

 

[Neri]

Neri, you are going a difficult situation right now. You have lived with someone for so long and I don't what you are like anxiety wise. I think the weather is nice now where you live if like the heat, as where I live it is winter now but summer in Australia right? I don't know may be lunch out in the sea to just get away for a bit with a disability cheap pass, or perhaps go somewhere where you have liked in the past.

It is noisy there or just feel like it keep on your ear protectors.

Is there anyone you can talk to there.

Planning might be useful. For me to have a plan of a way out of situation can be helpful. Like somewhere of your own to live. Get on the ladder if your name is not down. Other long term planning that may be helpful, the practical. Get letters of support if needed, putting the wheels in motion. Seeing the light in the dark can sometimes help you to breathe a bit more.

Can you help around where you are a few hours etc.

Helping out in burn out is not really possible. But going to the beach sounds like a good idea.
Honestly? I've done so much looking after other people it's time for me to look after myself now.
I think the best I can do for everyone is with my artistic practise and when I get more energy, I'll be happy to feed people and give support as a peer and a mental health professional. But not now. Burn out is hardly being able to do the bare minimum. And if I had more energy I have a 19 yr old child who needs me and parents who could do with more support. I have a lot more on my plate than you could possibly imagine.
Did I mention I have 7 children? And a third grandchild on the way. I have ASD2. I have more people to take care of and always have, than I can manage. No wonder I am severely burnt out, again.
Sigh. I hope I can get to my music classes next week because it's not looking good for tomorrow.

 

[Rachie]

Helping out in burn out is not really possible. But going to the beach sounds like a good idea.
Honestly? I've done so much looking after other people it's time for me to look after myself now.
I think the best I can do for everyone is with my artistic practise and when I get more energy, I'll be happy to feed people and give support as a peer and a mental health professional. But not now. Burn out is hardly being able to do the bare minimum. And if I had more energy I have a 19 yr old child who needs me and parents who could do with more support. I have a lot more on my plate than you could possibly imagine.
Did I mention I have 7 children? And a third grandchild on the way. I have ASD2. I have more people to take care of and always have, than I can manage. No wonder I am severely burnt out, again.
Sigh. I hope I can get to my music classes next week because it's not looking good for tomorrow.

That sounds like to me you're on a good plan already. I was going as to suggest as well to take time to rest as well as you seem to need it. Sometimes though just sitting with our own thoughts may be difficult a distraction might be like going downstairs or whereever you are, and spend a few hours doing a routine something else to try and distract yourself. The most key thing for you now though as well seems to be rest.

You have a tremendous amount of responsibility for sure. As I was saying about the planning, sometimes having a plan can allow my mind to rest more a little bit. I have experienced that a few times.
I wish you well.

 

[Neri]

That sounds like to me you're on a good plan already. I was going as to suggest as well to take time to rest as well as you seem to need it. Sometimes though just sitting with our own thoughts may be difficult a distraction might be like going downstairs or whereever you are, and spend a few hours doing a routine something else to try and distract yourself. The most key thing for you now though as well seems to be rest.

You have a tremendous amount of responsibility for sure. As I was saying about the planning, sometimes having a plan can allow my mind to rest more a little bit. I have experienced that a few times.
I wish you well.

You are right about plans. I've found lists good in the past too. I do have plans. Lots of them.
I'll ride out this burn out, but, I do have a drs and a mental health social worker appointment on friday and I'll have to catch up with my kid. I've just talked him into coming out with me once a week.
I have things to get for my room.
Musical instruments.
Need to organise work out routines.
I have therapy to organise.
NDIS supports
I want to get a rebounder and a weighted skipping rope and skip around the lake across the road
I want a wireless PA so I can sing with the drumming circle at st kilda beach, probably need new microphones as well
Organise with my oldest son to get my arts and craft supplies and books and sundry down from nthn nsw
I want a telly.
I want to go back to hip hop dance class, even tho I'm not the best at it
Start writing my book
Do drama class with my roomie bestie
Art classes
Finish my "Spiritual Herbology" oracle cards, get them published
Do some singing with the choir at my dad's church
Get a musical mentor at "Wild at Heart" music school
Write songs
Record songs and do vox for EDM
Go visit my kids and grandbabies in winter

There's more, but that's pretty good for now.

 

[Rachie]

That sound like good plans Neri, but remember to rest if you feel you to need to as well.

Where I live housing can so tricky, like even a support accodomation some may only be able to stay there a few months before you have to move or less. As you said you are in a supported refuge I was thinking a next step keys to your own place and getting your name down. May be this is all different where you live, but usually it is not like a permanent abode a place of refuge. You said I think you was homeless as well, with not like your own property to go back to. Perhaps though you can stay where you are as long as you like.

 

[Neri]

That sound like good plans Neri, but remember to rest if you feel you to need to as well.

Where I live housing can so tricky, like even a support accodomation some may only be able to stay there a few months before you have to move or less. As you said you are in a supported refuge I was thinking a next step keys to your own place and getting your name down. May be this is all different where you live, but usually it is not like a permanent abode a place of refuge. You said I think you was homeless as well, with not like your own property to go back to. Perhaps though you can stay where you are as long as you like.

Oh, don't worry. My name is already on the list. I have people lined up to help me, but it's a long wait time. My accommodation isn't short term. I have at least a year. One woman who is here has been here 5 years. I'm not in a hurry to move. I need work first. And I am not well enough or settled enough to start looking for work yet.

 

[Neri]

That sound like good plans Neri, but remember to rest if you feel you to need to as well.

Where I live housing can so tricky, like even a support accodomation some may only be able to stay there a few months before you have to move or less. As you said you are in a supported refuge I was thinking a next step keys to your own place and getting your name down. May be this is all different where you live, but usually it is not like a permanent abode a place of refuge. You said I think you was homeless as well, with not like your own property to go back to. Perhaps though you can stay where you are as long as you like.

I can't not rest at the moment. Burn out. Utter exhaustion. Hard to even get up and eat or shower or go to the bathroom.

 

[Neri]

That sounds like to me you're on a good plan already. I was going as to suggest as well to take time to rest as well as you seem to need it. Sometimes though just sitting with our own thoughts may be difficult a distraction might be like going downstairs or whereever you are, and spend a few hours doing a routine something else to try and distract yourself. The most key thing for you now though as well seems to be rest.

You have a tremendous amount of responsibility for sure. As I was saying about the planning, sometimes having a plan can allow my mind to rest more a little bit. I have experienced that a few times.
I wish you well.

Thank you. I appreciate your well wishes. You are very kind.

 

[Outdated]

Oh, don't worry. My name is already on the list. I have people lined up to help me, but it's a long wait time. My accommodation isn't short term. I have at least a year. One woman who is here has been here 5 years. I'm not in a hurry to move. I need work first. And I am not well enough or settled enough to start looking for work yet.

Did you apply to HousingVic? I had assumed your application would have been submitted automatically when you got a place in a shelter because that's the way it works in SA.

If you get a Housing Commission place you don't need to work. They charge 25% of whatever you're earning but Rent Assistance covers most of that and you end up paying around $50 a week out of pocket.

https://www.housing.vic.gov.au/apply-social-housing