School Experiences for Aspies and Autistic

[Brad1377]

Hated school , was awful, was almost like a small prison at times....rarely would a teacher help me. bullied often ...... was mostly self taught. teachers bullied me as much as students... had no friends even though I always tried......

 

[Dadwith2Autisticsons]

I found school to be a place where I was (often) respected, because I had the little professor thing of Asperger's going on. I was also the kid in the 6th grade that everyone hated (new school). I grew up in a small rural Kansas town, then moved to LA by the time of high school. I was not diagnosed until I was 52, so I am on the mild side. I think very small towns can be very good for people with autism. Donald Triplett, the first man diagnosed with Autism, still lives in his small town, and the townspeople look after him.

Yes, I bet there are several other cases like that in school, too, where the ones seen as very studious or smarter could be liked by the teachers or some others more, because of that respect. My guess is the teachers and students with higher self-esteem, abilities or ambition may see your abilities as a student in a very positive light.

It is the ones that feel less able or capable, or the ones that are jealous, or those who feel they cannot compete at that level, or relate in that way, that would most likely critique or want to reduce you to their level, through bullying or ignoring you or criticism. I was seen as smart, but not social. As a kindergartener I was the teacher's favorite student, as I was quiet and small. As I aged, the intelligence did not help, as the focus was on my shyness.

I always lived in small towns. Our two Autistic children need that I feel as both wander anyway, and like exploring outdoors, and as they have sound sensitivity. Big cities and heavy traffic would not be for them.

 

[Dadwith2Autisticsons]

I was not diagnosed as a child but it was pretty clear to everyone that I was different. I went to a public school. I had one friend whose side I never left. That was very helpful. But I still hated school. I was always counting down the minutes, waiting for it to be over. I was not bullied, only because there were other kids in my class who were more fun to bully (I didn't react, while they did) and because my one friend was very likeable and popular.
I was very bored in school and also didn't understand the point of being there. I was never challenged academically during the first 6 or so years, which became a problem later on because I had no idea how to learn or study something new. At one point they considered moving me up a grade in order to challenge me more, but because of my nonexistent social skills they didn't. I don't know if it would have made a difference. In general, the teaching style was completely off for me. Teachers always made things more confusing when trying to explain them. So many unnecessary metaphors I didn't understand the point or relevance of. They always made things seem way more complicated than they were.
I always felt very alone. I didn't understand what it meant to be friends or how people made them. My one friendship was more of a security blanket with someone I could imitate and follow around so I didn't have to engage with anybody else. And if that did happen, she could do the talking instead of me.
I believe things would have been more bearable for me if I'd had some (or just one) likeminded friends. What I remember most from school is feeling like an outsider. Always being lonely but not understanding that was what I felt. Constantly on the outside looking in at confusing people and situations everywhere. I think things would have been different had I had my diagnosis back then. But as things were, I did not learn much in school and I definitely never enjoyed myself there.

I was not the type to respond back to bullying either, and so eventually most of them learned to leave me alone. They preferred picking on my one very overweight friend the most, as he would keep telling them to knock it off. Most bullies want a reaction.

I was extremely bored throughout school too, and kept looking at my watch or the clock. Seconds seemed like several minutes and minutes seemed like hours. I hoped teachers would not ask me questions, not only as I could not talk, but as my mind was not on them. I did not care what they were talking about in class, as that material did not interest me.

I was thinking of being away from school, and where I could challenge myself in other ways. Their pace was too slow for me, and they were mostly being general. I wanted details, for everything, and to be taught in more creative ways. Lectures I always hated. I would sit in class focusing on other details of the room just to keep my sanity, too, or draw some pictures.

Feeling alone in school is likely a common theme of most who felt or looked different, whether good or bad. Whether one had Aspergers Syndrome, Autism, Depression, Social Anxiety, ADHD, or were overweight or too smart, or who dressed in a non popular way, they would feel likely more alone, and with less friends, unless the friends had some big issue too.

 

[FreeDiver]

I found school to be a place where I was (often) respected, because I had the little professor thing of Asperger's going on. I was also the kid in the 6th grade that everyone hated (new school). I grew up in a small rural Kansas town, then moved to LA by the time of high school. I was not diagnosed until I was 52, so I am on the mild side. I think very small towns can be very good for people with autism. Donald Triplett, the first man diagnosed with Autism, still lives in his small town, and the townspeople look after him.

I don't know. I grew up in a small rural area and went to a school that had less the 50 students there. I still was bullied badly by both the students and the teachers. So I don't think that a rural or small town school is any better.

 

[Dadwith2Autisticsons]

hi dadwith2sons,hope you are having a good day.
i think it might be a bad thing to read reports on our schooling as we are all grown up and a lot of bad things were allowed to happen back then plus there was no understanding of disabilities,those of us with severe autism and ID were called by the teachers backward and unteachable, people with CP were called spastics,and peopel with ADHD were called wild naughty children.

for me my school day consisted of being hit with wooden rulers throughout the day, being pinned against a table or wall roughly and being thrown down on the floor in the head masters office and kept there all day with no stimulation;left to stay in my own world and a world of confusion on the outside- my behaviors were always disrupting the class or the teacher was very biased about me.
it was a catholic school with a church joined to it,and i would refuse the special bread the priest gives because of sensory issues with it and the teachers would kick off and try and physically force it in me,one of them called me a devil child.

i have PTSD affected by my school education,the only school that ever helped me made progress was a special school but i got expelled at 15 from there for very challenging behavior and was never found another placement so i just sat using a computer in my bedroom 24/7.

Back when my twin and I went to elementary school, in the mid seventies there were two teachers who stuck out as very disciplinarian types that believed in strict punishment. This was around fourth grade, when students were nine years old. The one lady teacher thought it was ok to hit knuckles with a ruler and threaten disobedient children with that. The guy teacher would yell loudly if a person made a mistake, and put them in a corner and ridicule them to the class.

At that time it made me more fearful of school. I could not trust teachers not only for not being able to dig deeper into my issues, but for acting out like that. I can see how you could have been traumatized by the instances you faced. Those teachers probably carried their behaviors and discipline methods from home to school. Even if a child acts out in school, that treatment from a professional is not deserved. The student could be saying they need some type of help, or a better way to learn.

 

[Bella Pines]

a lot of bad things were allowed to happen back then plus there was no understanding of disabilities,those of us with severe autism and ID were called by the teachers backward and unteachable, people with CP were called spastics, and people with ADHD were called wild naughty children.

You know, that's actually a very good point. I walked a mile to school on my own from aged 6, was knuckle rapped with a ruler by nuns, was taught to cook (poorly) because I was a girl and that's what girls do and "spastic" was a commonly used insult. That actually shows how far the world has come in a positive way, that whilst there is still some way to go, in just 50 or so years, the world is a lot more tolerant. Long may this trend continue.

 

[Allymcb]

You might want to answer one or more of the following questions, or explain things in your way. Did you have any or many friends in your earlier school days, and up through your high school years? If so, were they the geeky type friends, or shyer type? Or other? Or did you feel alone? Were you integrated with NT's, or seperated? Did you yourself ever have a preference?

How did the teachers and most other students treat you? Different? Or just as part of the class? Were you given any accommodations? Did you feel like the instruction was above your abilities and expectations, or lower than? Did you get bored easily, or have much anxiety? Did you have any unusual quirk or interest in school? A certain aspect of school you hated most?

Did you like the teaching style, or did you prefer being taught in a different manner? What recommendations would you have made to make your school experiences better? What were the good things about your school experience? Feel free to answer what you want, no matter how brief or long, as we are interested in learning more about Aspie and Autistic educational experiences. Thanks.

I am now 29, was diagnosed with Asperger's at 11, went to mainstream school throughout. Apparently there was some special needs input in primary school in terms of an education plan but I was unaware of this until I requested my notes when I was 18. Mostly my experience was good and I enjoyed school. Things I hated: PE, any situation where schools shared information with my parents without my consent, one or two particular teachers, and one particular student.

Mostly I was a loner and quite happy with that. Some children attempted teasing but I was quite sharp witted, totally willing to be a tell-tale and would threaten police action if anyone appeared like they might get physical. This largely worked. I was also an emotionally pretty tough cookie.

I had no real friends until I was around 13,when I skipped into the year above. Then I had one friend through the rest of school and university. When I started university I made friends very quickly and have had a good social life since then. I was always happy with the amount of contact I had at the time.

In primary school I felt singled out for a lot of conflicting expectations that I didn't really understand because people were concerned with my social development and I didn't really feel that's what school was for. I also struggled with things like handwriting, coloring, physical coordination tasks and interpretation of instructions.

In secondary school,I was mostly treated as one of the gifted and talented kids, occasionally as difficult because I was gobby (in a fairly articulate way). I got on well with the more experienced, more academic teachers and less well with the ex-polytechnic graduates. I was good at the talk and chalk method of learning and hopeless with anything that involved my hands.

 

[Stitch]

I was homeschooled, getting through all through highschool years without having an inkling about my Asperger's and doing quite well besides. What works best for me is 1) creating my own schedule and b) sticking to that schedule. If someone else tries to push their schedule at me it's all but guaranteed to fail. Also the personalized attention I got was second to none -my parents knew how I operated better than anyone and therefore they knew how I would learn the best.

After that I went to college for a semester -academically I did well, but that's the point where I discovered my social anxiety and complete conversational ineptitude. I was able to pass it off as shyness and ended up not going back. However, what homeschooling instilled in me was a love of learning, and so I continue to teach myself. My family can testify that I have an addiction to books.

Unfortunately, I may have supported a few stereotypes that homeschoolers were awkward and unsocialized. However, two of my siblings thus far have graduated college with flying colors, and everyone else in my family has what constitutes a 'normal' social life, so I can safely pin all my social blunders on Asperger's. As it stands I'm doing well at my job and I have a couple close friends; I don't need or want more.

Although provided with the opportunities throughout my school years, I was never forced to interact with other people and thank goodness, I would've hated it. I was taught the basic way to converse politely and how to get help, and should the need arise I can call a plumber or tell the mechanic what's wrong with my car. But mostly I keep to myself and if it's not an emergency I'd rather figure out how to take care of my own problems.

In conclusion ...keep homeschooling! I think that is by far the best option out there. Allow your kids to learn at their own pace -push them a little if they're not doing the best they can, but allow ample breathing time, too. Figure out what schedule works best and try to stick to it. Provide opportunities for making friends, but don't force it. Each of my friends was about five or six years in the making.

Last but not least: whatever you do, don't give up. There will be days everything will work great, and there will be days where everything falls to pieces. It's all worth it. You love your kids more than anyone and you're going to do what's best for them. Don't let anyone tell you otherwise.

 

[Dadwith2Autisticsons]

I am now 29, was diagnosed with Asperger's at 11, went to mainstream school throughout. Apparently there was some special needs input in primary school in terms of an education plan but I was unaware of this until I requested my notes when I was 18. Mostly my experience was good and I enjoyed school. Things I hated: PE, any situation where schools shared information with my parents without my consent, one or two particular teachers, and one particular student.

Mostly I was a loner and quite happy with that. Some children attempted teasing but I was quite sharp witted, totally willing to be a tell-tale and would threaten police action if anyone appeared like they might get physical. This largely worked. I was also an emotionally pretty tough cookie.

I had no real friends until I was around 13,when I skipped into the year above. Then I had one friend through the rest of school and university. When I started university I made friends very quickly and have had a good social life since then. I was always happy with the amount of contact I had at the time.

In primary school I felt singled out for a lot of conflicting expectations that I didn't really understand because people were concerned with my social development and I didn't really feel that's what school was for. I also struggled with things like handwriting, coloring, physical coordination tasks and interpretation of instructions.

In secondary school,I was mostly treated as one of the gifted and talented kids, occasionally as difficult because I was gobby (in a fairly articulate way). I got on well with the more experienced, more academic teachers and less well with the ex-polytechnic graduates. I was good at the talk and chalk method of learning and hopeless with anything that involved my hands.

That is great you had many good school experiences. I think two of the keys for that fact were that you felt you were emotionally strong, and that you were happy to be mostly by yourself at school. So, this would imply not only that other persons' opinions did not matter as much, but that you felt you could be happy and succeed without much friendship, direction or assistance.

In my case, from kindergarten through high school, I was bothered by criticism and rejection. Even though I was a loner, and desired that because of the anxiety of being around others, I really desired friendship. But, they were too different. I lacked confidence socially, and almost self-destructed. It was only after high school, and away from home, and that poor parenting, did I get strength and see things clearer and shift my focus.

I started to not just blame myself for my situation, but started to see the others were also the problem. I did not have to change though if I did not want to change. But, for me, that would be too lonely. So, I attempted self-help things, and mostly to just be more socially presentable, and to have less stress when encountering others. In no way did I want to be extroverted though. That was not me. I gained strength at passive activities, and loved those things.

University life went a little better for me, though early on I still struggled with speeches and group projects at those English and other classes. But, each course I got great grades in, and each semester completed, that started to build my confidence even more, knowing I did not have to be defined by my upbringing and condition. I could succeed even if alone.

My definition of success could differ from most males though. It did not matter if I had a successful career, or some trophy wife with no issues. As long as I was happy with my efforts, at being a little functionally better, and my principles, and could relate to other's struggles, and find love for a family, and feel that returned, that was happiness and success to me. Once I knew who I was, and what I desired, I focused on achieving that.

And it sounds like you too found a way to get through the more difficult school times too, by staying true to yourself then, and have found happiness and growth too. That always makes me happy, when I see others persevering and using their own strengths to be their best, if not then or now, then at least later through their experiences after having learned more, given more effort, or changing up their perspectives or environments. Luck though can play a role in things, too.

Our two children with Autism I feel will make the best of their homeschool experiences.

 

[Dadwith2Autisticsons]

I was homeschooled, getting through all through highschool years without having an inkling about my Asperger's and doing quite well besides. What works best for me is 1) creating my own schedule and b) sticking to that schedule. If someone else tries to push their schedule at me it's all but guaranteed to fail. Also the personalized attention I got was second to none -my parents knew how I operated better than anyone and therefore they knew how I would learn the best.

After that I went to college for a semester -academically I did well, but that's the point where I discovered my social anxiety and complete conversational ineptitude. I was able to pass it off as shyness and ended up not going back. However, what homeschooling instilled in me was a love of learning, and so I continue to teach myself. My family can testify that I have an addiction to books.

Unfortunately, I may have supported a few stereotypes that homeschoolers were awkward and unsocialized. However, two of my siblings thus far have graduated college with flying colors, and everyone else in my family has what constitutes a 'normal' social life, so I can safely pin all my social blunders on Asperger's. As it stands I'm doing well at my job and I have a couple close friends; I don't need or want more.

Although provided with the opportunities throughout my school years, I was never forced to interact with other people and thank goodness, I would've hated it. I was taught the basic way to converse politely and how to get help, and should the need arise I can call a plumber or tell the mechanic what's wrong with my car. But mostly I keep to myself and if it's not an emergency I'd rather figure out how to take care of my own problems.

In conclusion ...keep homeschooling! I think that is by far the best option out there. Allow your kids to learn at their own pace -push them a little if they're not doing the best they can, but allow ample breathing time, too. Figure out what schedule works best and try to stick to it. Provide opportunities for making friends, but don't force it. Each of my friends was about five or six years in the making.

Last but not least: whatever you do, don't give up. There will be days everything will work great, and there will be days where everything falls to pieces. It's all worth it. You love your kids more than anyone and you're going to do what's best for them. Don't let anyone tell you otherwise.

Thanks much for posting your experiences on being homeschooled. Yes, our oldest son, seven years of age, especially loves routines. We know his interests, strengths, and preferences, and so we let him create a schedule and system that works for him, and try to stick to it. There will be a few times he wants to shift things up a bit, but we are open minded there, knowing sometimes change is good, even if temporarily.

The thing about both children is they loves all types of educational things. For instance Aaron does not see workbooks, learning apps, projects, public activities and creative educational teachings, as work, but fun. He likes being challenged and learning daily new things. But, we give our children space to be themselves, too, and not always need to be politically correct. I suppose several students at school can enjoy the studies and experiences,, but I bet equally as much dread school because of the way things are taught, or as the teachers and system is not as flexible and program not individualized, and with less personal attention.

Yes, the very aware, hardworking and proactive type homeschooling parent will know far more than any school official could, and the ratio cannot be beaten. For those others who say homeschooled children cannot socialize, I would argue our one child is progressing very well. His speech is polite, semi-formal, and relevant, and he has learned not only through us parents, and self-efforts, but through our efforts to get our children out in public and meet all types of persons regularly, and more naturally. We do not like socialization forced.

Personally, school caused me to regress socially. I graduated from high school saying a total of one hundred words from elementary school through high school. I did not grow socially at all, but feared talking even more. It all depends on the condition and how it manifests itself I think, and stress tolerance levels. Some may do better socially in school, but others could have done just as good if not better at homeschool, if the situation was right with regards to the teacher parent at home having the desire, abilities and the knowledge to teach in ways best for the child.

Thanks for the encouragement and support.

 

[Thursday]

Hi there. I'll share my experiences with you. I don't know how much it'll help, as I've had some lucky breaks with my school life which isn't reliable, but here goes.

1) Did you have any or many friends in your earlier school days, and up through your high school years? If so, were they the geeky type friends, or shyer type? Or other? Or did you feel alone? Were you integrated with NT's, or seperated? Did you yourself ever have a preference?

I was lucky enough that when I transferred schools in kindergarten, there was this one girl who shared a juicebox with me during recess and started hanging out with me.

Unlike myself, she was very vocal, and so she appreciate my being quiet (at first). Eventually, I started learning from her behavior and began chatting with my classmates. I felt nice, being able to do the same for them, so I started looking for the shyest people and started there. My dad called it "picking up strays" when in my heart, I knew I'd get along better with them and found them more interesting/insightful. Anyway, I was the stray first, if you think about it.

So my first ever friend became my best friend and she found similarly vocal friends for us. I found the shy ones, and so we formed a group and grew up together. I count myself extremely lucky in this regard as I have tried to make friends with others and found them to be insincere...once they got an in with the "populars", they left me. But not my first friend who I still keep in touch with until today.

2) How did the teachers and most other students treat you? Different? Or just as part of the class? Were you given any accommodations? Did you feel like the instruction was above your abilities and expectations, or lower than? Did you get bored easily, or have much anxiety? Did you have any unusual quirk or interest in school? A certain aspect of school you hated most?

Everything was fine until I had to transfer for high school. There, it was brutal. I still found people to hang out with, mostly boys who had the same hobbies. Girls disliked me. I wasn't into makeup, or dresses, and I hated gossiping about classmates. I was fine with that. I usually immersed myself in reading or drawing and the guys appreciated it too.

I was bored with school, not because I was super smart, but because it was redundant. I got top marks in subjects where the majority failed (analytical) and found ways to skip the classes I was bored with (memory work). Anyway, all I needed was the textbook to pass exams, right?

I found that what made me different also gave me a chance to see past facades. Sometimes, bullies aren't bullies, but miserable people. When I found someone who was mean, but knew why, I tried to help them. In many instances, I gained their respect and they, at least, stopped picking on me or even reciprocated by helping me keep other bullies at bay.

You could say my quirks helped me survive high school life as I was more practical in my approach.

To ellaborate, a teacher took an interest in my drawing abilties and asked me to try out for a position the art club. I got in as a junior vp, and became its president in senior high.

Having to lead people gave me anxiety so I bent the rules. I got rid of every officer who was just there to add the club to their resume and chose people (again, the quiet ones) who genuinely loved art to help me with the club. That was viewed as radical, but it also worked! They put their hearts into our projects and we helped each other.

The downside is, there was one teacher who made it her goal to embarrass me in front of class. She didn't like it that I wasn't a "yes" person and wouldn't fit in designing her stage for an event. What can I do, we were swamped with work, aren't getting paid and have exams coming up. I always just drew during her class and she couldn't do anything about it because I wasn't failing her exams.

3) Did you like the teaching style, or did you prefer being taught in a different manner? What recommendations would you have made to make your school experiences better? What were the good things about your school experience?

I hated the teaching style, but I found the structure comforting. Having regular book-based assignments, for instance, let me answer things in advance, leaving me more time to focus on my hobbies.

It would have been great to have experienced learning outside the classroom. Why read about monocots and dicots when you could grow a plant instead? Why see pictures of clouds when it would be more fun to draw some, maybe write abut them (if it rained that day, etc.).

Point is, it was hard to swallow learning about impractical things. Doing well on memory-based tests meant someone got an award..so I felt stupid when I couldn't. However, I could explain the "why" of things and did so well when that was required. Playing at strengths makes more sense, really, and the specialization would help eventually.

Maybe a more specialized environment would have helped me, maybe it wouldn't have, but I do know that there will always be good teachers and bad ones. Good teachers are those who can recognize a person's strengths and help them gain confidence. They don't treat anyone as dumb, only different. Bad teachers only see the marks on paper. They don't exert effort to understand the different between a lazy student and a bored student.

I hope you find what works best for your kids and that they'd have luck there too.

 

[Tyrantus1212]

Did you have any or many friends in your earlier school days, and up through your high school years?
I hardly ever had any friends in school and just in life overall. I only had one friend in grades 1 through 3 who had problems with social skills just like myself; we would usually just play around at recess, the two of us - in some cases a couple of other boys would join us but those boys weren't really friends; one of them was a bully and manipulator who took advantage of my "being different". The friend moved away before I started 4th grade and I ended up alone again. I've been bullied by more than just that one kid I mentioned. From then on up until high school I just talked to various classmates and all, but no friends. In high school freshman year there was a guy I hung out with a lot on campus, but not outside of campus. I'd still consider him a friend because we collaborated on more than just schoolwork. We kind of lost touch in later school years though. I haven't really hung out with anyone outside of campus and I was still shy. I wanted a small social circle (and that would change when I reached my early twenties, but that's a whole other story. It didn't end well so I went back to lone wolf afterwards), yet at the same time I didn't want to be 100% alone. I wanted friends, but not tons of friends.

If so, were they the geeky type friends, or shyer type? Or other? Or did you feel alone?
They were the shyer types of friends, both the kid from grade school and the guy from high school. I did not feel alone when I was with them, but during the in-between gaps I felt rather alone. I tried to sit with various groups of students during lunch but in many cases I was just an extra that they didn't really pay much attention to. Because of my shyness I didn't even talk to them all that much; I also didn't really have anything interesting to talk to them about.

Were you integrated with NT's, or seperated? Did you yourself ever have a preference?
I was integrated with NT's, I had this feeling that I was "odd", but I didn't even know what Asperger's was at the time (was it already a recognized disorder? I went to school during the 90's to early 2000's). Took normal classes, was an A student. I had mixed preferences because many of the students were cool but many others were mean, and specifically to me. I just wanted to be separated from the bad apples.

How did the teachers and most other students treat you? Different? Or just as part of the class?
Most of the teachers were very nice to me, and I do remember a couple of mean ones. One of them got mad at me a lot because I kept misunderstanding things, e.g. I printed landscape when I should have printed portrait, or I forgot some material from her first course and had to ask "what is..." during the second course. But most teachers knew I was smart and kind. I wasn't as kind as they thought. I have behavioral issues at home where I'm either hyper-happy or I go into emotional outbursts. I was able to keep that at bay in school because I didn't want to be expelled. I also happened to be shy and filled with fears, and never openly confronted any of my bullies. Back to the teachers - some teachers actually treated me as the "class favorite", and for a while I just wasn't sure why. I raised my hand and asked one of them "am I your favorite?" and the entire class laughed. I shouldn't have done that, but all he did was reply "yes", jokingly I believe. As for the students overall - there were the bad apples, while many others either thought I was cool (what??) or thought I was stupid, or thought I was smart, or made fun of me in a non-bullying sort of way. Some girls gave off an impression that they were crushing on me; they spoke to me in a way I've never seen them talk to other boys. Most of the bullying was happening before high school.

Were you given any accommodations?
I was hyper in kindergarten (that's where I actually DIDN'T keep my misbehavior at bay) and was forced to sit right next to the teacher, while the other kids all sat in their regular chairs. When I was in the 5th grade I came to the United States fresh without knowing a lot of English so I needed to take English Second Language classes, as I was struggling with reading. But like I said before, no special education - but I do remember my science teacher sending me and a couple of other students to a separate room to take our science tests, and to this day I have no idea why and haven't ever asked why.

Did you feel like the instruction was above your abilities and expectations, or lower than?
I feel like the instruction was on the same level as my abilities. I was mostly an A student, but I had problems with reading class. Not sure if that was because I was still a bit rusty on my English, or because I don't read much. I was taking English Second Language reading, then I was transferred to normal reading but was failing it (plus some of the bullies were giving me that extra stress there), so I was sent back to ESL. This was the only academic struggle I've experienced.

Did you get bored easily, or have much anxiety?
Mostly anxiety. Even before my anxiety disorder took over my life I had anxieties related to school. I hated the 4th and 6th grade. Such a huge chunk of the bullying went on during those times, as well as that reading class mishap in 6th. 5th grade I actually loved, everyone was so nice to me perhaps because I was this new immigrant in the US and spoke very little English. It felt good, and of course there was still a fair share of people who made fun. 6th grade gym was the worst, and me being such a wimp did not make things any better. I used to also get sick a lot and missed a lot of school, up until junior year of high school. I was also very timid, and that caused an anxiety of its own. Those mean teachers I mentioned before also made me afraid of walking into their classrooms. The students who bullied me or made fun of me often told me "do this, do that" and I pretty much always listened. I was never able to stand up for myself. I still have trouble doing so and I tend to believe a lot of things people say to me.

Did you have any unusual quirk or interest in school?
In grade school there was this (lame) computer game that I just couldn't wait to play; we had a computer in the classroom and someone would be allowed to play it on occasion using that computer, and back then I would never consider it lame. I know retrospectively now that it's lame and I would have been bored by it. I used to carry my binder sort of in a weird way in junior high school. Thankfully they allowed backpacks in high school. I used to be interested in those round intercoms on the classroom ceilings; at one point they were even making me laugh for some reason. I used to also be interested in lights that were attached to school buildings because I've had a long-term fascination in street lights in general. My high school was under construction at one point, they were adding a couple of new buildings to it - and construction sites also fascinate me. I used to look forward to going there just to watch the construction in between classes. Also for some reason I always looked forward to the very few Thursdays that preceded 4-day weekends, way more than the usual Fridays.

A certain aspect of school you hated most?
Naturally, the bullying and the fact that those jerks weren't all expelled. Otherwise, homework. All I wanted to do when I got home was relax and be a kid. I also didn't like those mean teachers I mentioned before.

Did you like the teaching style, or did you prefer being taught in a different manner?
Teaching style was fine, and I'd prefer that those aforementioned mean teachers would have had different attitudes. So what if I forgot something? Why get so upset? OK so I forget some term once and then I get reminded of it and learn it again - until I finally get it. I'm not a fast learner but I'm a good learner. Why act this way? That's another form of bullying in my opinion. Not good, not good at all. Teachers should be fired for this type of crap.

What recommendations would you have made to make your school experiences better?
I would have recommended that those mean teachers don't teach until they make full attitude adjustments. I get intimidated very easily, I have very fragile feelings and self-esteem. I wish all the bullies were expelled. I wish people were nicer in general...overall I've become a bit of a misanthrope always finding the bad in people and I believe this bullying is one of the main sources of this outlook on humanity that I have.

What were the good things about your school experience?
Good education. Most of the teachers were nice (although some gave a lot of homework). Most of the students were nice too but the bad ones always stick in my memory. I mostly have good memories from post-6th grade junior high because I was lucky enough not to run across those 6th grade bullies a lot. Mostly good memories from high school too (of course I was bullied and made fun of there, too; and trouble making more than 1 friend). I also liked the school part of my life overall because I was still a kid and had no responsibilities other than homework; let's of course not forget summer vacations - and due to my low self-esteem I was always paranoid about possibly failing a course and having to go to summer school. I used to dread summer school and would never even think of attending it voluntarily!

 

[Dadwith2Autisticsons]

Hi there. I'll share my experiences with you. I don't know how much it'll help, as I've had some lucky breaks with my school life which isn't reliable, but here goes.

1) Did you have any or many friends in your earlier school days, and up through your high school years? If so, were they the geeky type friends, or shyer type? Or other? Or did you feel alone? Were you integrated with NT's, or seperated? Did you yourself ever have a preference?

I was lucky enough that when I transferred schools in kindergarten, there was this one girl who shared a juicebox with me during recess and started hanging out with me.

Unlike myself, she was very vocal, and so she appreciate my being quiet (at first). Eventually, I started learning from her behavior and began chatting with my classmates. I felt nice, being able to do the same for them, so I started looking for the shyest people and started there. My dad called it "picking up strays" when in my heart, I knew I'd get along better with them and found them more interesting/insightful. Anyway, I was the stray first, if you think about it.

So my first ever friend became my best friend and she found similarly vocal friends for us. I found the shy ones, and so we formed a group and grew up together. I count myself extremely lucky in this regard as I have tried to make friends with others and found them to be insincere...once they got an in with the "populars", they left me. But not my first friend who I still keep in touch with until today.

2) How did the teachers and most other students treat you? Different? Or just as part of the class? Were you given any accommodations? Did you feel like the instruction was above your abilities and expectations, or lower than? Did you get bored easily, or have much anxiety? Did you have any unusual quirk or interest in school? A certain aspect of school you hated most?

Everything was fine until I had to transfer for high school. There, it was brutal. I still found people to hang out with, mostly boys who had the same hobbies. Girls disliked me. I wasn't into makeup, or dresses, and I hated gossiping about classmates. I was fine with that. I usually immersed myself in reading or drawing and the guys appreciated it too.

I was bored with school, not because I was super smart, but because it was redundant. I got top marks in subjects where the majority failed (analytical) and found ways to skip the classes I was bored with (memory work). Anyway, all I needed was the textbook to pass exams, right?

I found that what made me different also gave me a chance to see past facades. Sometimes, bullies aren't bullies, but miserable people. When I found someone who was mean, but knew why, I tried to help them. In many instances, I gained their respect and they, at least, stopped picking on me or even reciprocated by helping me keep other bullies at bay.

You could say my quirks helped me survive high school life as I was more practical in my approach.

To ellaborate, a teacher took an interest in my drawing abilties and asked me to try out for a position the art club. I got in as a junior vp, and became its president in senior high.

Having to lead people gave me anxiety so I bent the rules. I got rid of every officer who was just there to add the club to their resume and chose people (again, the quiet ones) who genuinely loved art to help me with the club. That was viewed as radical, but it also worked! They put their hearts into our projects and we helped each other.

The downside is, there was one teacher who made it her goal to embarrass me in front of class. She didn't like it that I wasn't a "yes" person and wouldn't fit in designing her stage for an event. What can I do, we were swamped with work, aren't getting paid and have exams coming up. I always just drew during her class and she couldn't do anything about it because I wasn't failing her exams.

3) Did you like the teaching style, or did you prefer being taught in a different manner? What recommendations would you have made to make your school experiences better? What were the good things about your school experience?

I hated the teaching style, but I found the structure comforting. Having regular book-based assignments, for instance, let me answer things in advance, leaving me more time to focus on my hobbies.

It would have been great to have experienced learning outside the classroom. Why read about monocots and dicots when you could grow a plant instead? Why see pictures of clouds when it would be more fun to draw some, maybe write abut them (if it rained that day, etc.).

Point is, it was hard to swallow learning about impractical things. Doing well on memory-based tests meant someone got an award..so I felt stupid when I couldn't. However, I could explain the "why" of things and did so well when that was required. Playing at strengths makes more sense, really, and the specialization would help eventually.

Maybe a more specialized environment would have helped me, maybe it wouldn't have, but I do know that there will always be good teachers and bad ones. Good teachers are those who can recognize a person's strengths and help them gain confidence. They don't treat anyone as dumb, only different. Bad teachers only see the marks on paper. They don't exert effort to understand the different between a lazy student and a bored student.

I hope you find what works best for your kids and that they'd have luck there too.

As with all the other messages, we learned lots from this. Some things remind me when I was going to school, and my likes and dislikes, whereas other things we already do as parents for our children or would also consider.

To start, I had one or two very social persons throughout my school years that seemed to like me despite being very shy. Although I could not consider them as friends as I did not reciprocate, they acted friendly and would offer me to join in to play cards, or say ,"Hi, David, how is it going," and things like that. I would have made a better effort at being friendly to them had it been one-on-one attempts, as I did not trust their group of friends yet as they would say nothing. I realize they were likely not comfortable with I yet though. I too often felt about helping the shyer ones, and so had I been able then, I certainly would have, as at least five seemed similar to me.

I too was very disinterested in materials that involved just memory, and preferred stuff where I could analyze and use my creativity. It is not that I did not have a good memory, but just that it became monotonous. It did not help I had a need to remember every detail and reread things, as if I missed a fact that would create stress for me. So, to use my other thinking skills which I preferred, I would analyze everything around me: the teacher, the students, the setting, and my internal thoughts and feelings. Eventually, once I got into college and university I found out the only way to enjoy class material was to take lots of classes that caused me to think, like math, psychology, health, and English Literature and creative writing.

Yes, we like teaching things that are not taught at school too, and answering why questions. Every detail in their environment and outside environments is something potentially very valuable to learn. We look in the sky and learn about different types of clouds naturally, and why they formed and float this way, see birds outside and learn all about that type and why they do this or that, learn about measurement like through such cups in mean preparation, and how to mix things, and so on, and the sky is the limit for such teachings.

And so not only do we teach the basic subjects, but learn through everyday living which most persons take for granted, but if a parent took the greater effort and saw that there are so many things we do everyday instinctively that they could teach their children, this would help much as well. Heck, to take learning even further, my third book was about "Teaching Greatness in You," meaning teaching character development. That book and the two prior others I have not published yet, due to the sensitive information about my prior family, but just the most recent book I self-published. As for the other book I mentioned, since when do schools teach character development, like leadership skills, empathy, communication skills, responsibility, politeness, honesty, and so on? Our children being homeschooled gives us an opportunity to use that extra time to keep reinforcing those concepts.

And so it sounds like you wanted to be a leader too, but were being held back a bit by one teacher at least. She likely was insecure with her self, and was conditioned to see teachers as only the leaders, and the students the followers. It does look like you made the most out of your school experiences in those other ways though, so good job there.

And we agree totally about your conclusions too, like in terms of finding the student's strengths and finding the best learning ways for that child, like in terms of visually, auditory or kinesthetically. We find both our children like more hands on learning, and not much into traditional lectures, and so they seem to like the latter approach the best, though we incorporate all methods at least a little. Our philosophy is treat each child as an individual with different likes and needs, and to make things interesting each day for them, but like in a structured way for Aaron. Our other son because of his hyperactivity does not like structure, so we change up things there, until he is ever receptive to that style of learning.

 

[Dadwith2Autisticsons]

Did you have any or many friends in your earlier school days, and up through your high school years?
I hardly ever had any friends in school and just in life overall. I only had one friend in grades 1 through 3 who had problems with social skills just like myself; we would usually just play around at recess, the two of us - in some cases a couple of other boys would join us but those boys weren't really friends; one of them was a bully and manipulator who took advantage of my "being different". The friend moved away before I started 4th grade and I ended up alone again. I've been bullied by more than just that one kid I mentioned. From then on up until high school I just talked to various classmates and all, but no friends. In high school freshman year there was a guy I hung out with a lot on campus, but not outside of campus. I'd still consider him a friend because we collaborated on more than just schoolwork. We kind of lost touch in later school years though. I haven't really hung out with anyone outside of campus and I was still shy. I wanted a small social circle (and that would change when I reached my early twenties, but that's a whole other story. It didn't end well so I went back to lone wolf afterwards), yet at the same time I didn't want to be 100% alone. I wanted friends, but not tons of friends.

If so, were they the geeky type friends, or shyer type? Or other? Or did you feel alone?
They were the shyer types of friends, both the kid from grade school and the guy from high school. I did not feel alone when I was with them, but during the in-between gaps I felt rather alone. I tried to sit with various groups of students during lunch but in many cases I was just an extra that they didn't really pay much attention to. Because of my shyness I didn't even talk to them all that

Did you have any unusual quirk or interest in school?
In grade school there was this (lame) computer game that I just couldn't wait to play; we had a computer in the classroom and someone would be allowed to play it on occasion using that computer, and back then I would never consider it lame. I know retrospectively now that it's lame and I would have been bored by it. I used to carry my binder sort of in a weird way in junior high school. Thankfully they allowed backpacks in high school. I used to be interested in those round intercoms on the classroom ceilings; at one point they were even making me laugh for some reason. I used to also be interested in lights that were attached to school buildings because I've had a long-term fascination in street lights in general. My high school was under construction at one point, they were adding a couple of new buildings to it - and construction sites also fascinate me. I used to look forward to going there just to watch the construction in between classes. Also for some reason I always looked forward to the very few Thursdays that preceded 4-day weekends, way more than the usual Fridays.

A certain aspect of school you hated most?
Naturally, the bullying and the fact that those jerks weren't all expelled. Otherwise, homework. All I wanted to do when I got home was relax and be a kid. I also didn't like those mean teachers I mentioned before.

Did you like the teaching style, or did you prefer being taught in a different manner?
Teaching style was fine, and I'd prefer that those aforementioned mean teachers would have had different attitudes. So what if I forgot something? Why get so upset? OK so I forget some term once and then I get reminded of it and learn it again - until I finally get it. I'm not a fast learner but I'm a good learner. Why act this way? That's another form of bullying in my opinion. Not good, not good at all. Teachers should be fired for this type of crap.

What recommendations would you have made to make your school experiences better?
I would have recommended that those mean teachers don't teach until they make full attitude adjustments. I get intimidated very easily, I have very fragile feelings and self-esteem. I wish all the bullies were expelled. I wish people were nicer in general...overall I've become a bit of a misanthrope always finding the bad in people and I believe this bullying is one of the main sources of this outlook on humanity that I have.

What were the good things about your school experience?
Good education. Most of the teachers were nice (although some gave a lot of homework). Most of the students were nice too but the bad ones always stick in my memory. I mostly have good memories from post-6th grade junior high because I was lucky enough not to run across those 6th grade bullies a lot. Mostly good memories from high school too (of course I was bullied and made fun of there, too; and trouble making more than 1 friend). I also liked the school part of my life overall because I was still a kid and had no responsibilities other than homework; let's of course not forget summer vacations - and due to my low self-esteem I was always paranoid about possibly failing a course and having to go to summer school. I used to dread summer school and would never even think of attending it voluntarily!

Hi. Nice post. Thanks for answering so many questions. I related to lots, and liked all of your recommendations, too. Other than the bullying which is always a horroble thing, and a few meaner teachers, you seem to have found much good through your school experiences.

Even today the school bullying situations are often swept under the carpet, but school systems are very slowly making strides there as seen in some school changes in policies because of more public stories and condemnation of such. More parents need to make sure such a bullying policy is in place through written rules, and with accountability solutions, before they put their children in school. The same is true for teacher misconduct. Parents are entitled to see written policy on that.

As for accommodations, I had one teacher that tried to get me special reading help, as I was very shy. But, she never asked me about any reading difficulties. She just knew I kept rereading things, or was a slow reader, but it was because I just had a need to remember every important detail as I read. It was as if I would be yelled at if I missed something, or that I would get an answer wrong on the test if I forgot something. I could read words fast and easily, but then I would remember nothing. I thought she thought I could not read. Oh well. The only problem was comprehending things when I read at a typical pace. She never addressed that.

There was one student in my grade that I thought had Aspergers Syndrome. I knew he was a bit different, and had little friends, so I would have liked to be his friend. He spoke a bit fast, and seemed formal and professor-like in his speech. He got all A's in classes. I knew one of his loves was playing the drums, as no matter where I saw him he had drumsticks in his hands. On a few occasions I saw him talking to himself, but mostly he came across as a bright student. I felt a little intimidated only because I worried he would think I was boring, too shy, or dumb.

As for looking forward to getting home from school, yes and no. I did find relief once the school bus opened the door and I was with my two brothers walking home, as the school, teachers and students were now behind me, but I never knew if my parents would be loud and fighting again. I was always hypervigilant looking for that. I could only find some comfort getting away with my brothers to play, out of sight and sound away. So, I learned too of the importance of having a comforting home environment in order to think, feel, learn and grow, too..

 

[ASD_Geek]

Did you have any or many friends in your earlier school days, and up through your high school years? If so, were they the geeky type friends, or shyer type? Or other? My family moved around a lot, so I really never had more than one decent friend at a time. He was usually a lot like me... geeky, quiet and outside of the popular groups.

Or did you feel alone? Yes, very often. I was depressed throughout middle and high school and could not talk to my parents. I withdrew into myself, thought about suicide and ran away once.

Were you integrated with NT's, or seperated? Did you yourself ever have a preference? I didn't know about NT's and was too functional (in other peoples' opinion) to have Special Ed, although I was sent to a psychologist once in 7th grade.

How did the teachers and most other students treat you? Different? Or just as part of the class? I was a very smart kid, disliked by others because of my love for academics and lack of love for sports or group activities. Some of my confidants and friends were teachers. Without them, I probably would not have made it through school.

Were you given any accommodations? No, I didn't know I had Aspergers then.

Did you feel like the instruction was above your abilities and expectations, or lower than? I don't understand this one.

Did you get bored easily, or have much anxiety? Bored, always. Anxiety yes, because of bullying.

Did you have any unusual quirk or interest in school? I would retreat into my own world, often fantasizing that I was someone else like a character that I've seen on TV or in the movies.

A certain aspect of school you hated most? The other students.

Did you like the teaching style, or did you prefer being taught in a different manner? There were a few good teachers that actually took an interest in me and in actually teaching. The rest were too by the book and either boring, didn't care or bad communicators

What recommendations would you have made to make your school experiences better? Controlling bullies, teach compassionately and take an interest in the students.

What were the good things about your school experience? There were a few teachers that I actually got along with. A few let me either help them or stay in their room and eat during lunch time.

 

[FreeDiver]

I like to put a sidenote here. One of the biggest thing that caused me the most pain in school was not so much the bullying, but peer pressure. For example, I would watch the other students participate in an activity that they enjoy but was boring to me and would force myself to do it no matter how bad it hurt, just so I could fit in. I treated the situation a lot like smoking a cigarette for the first time. Ya you're gonna cough and gag at first, but once you got passed that stage, then it was easy. The only problem was. It never got easy no matter how hard I tried. But because of the power of peer pressure. I kept on trying and trying until I had to give up. It was a lot like beating a dead horse, but you didn't know that the horse was already dead. This really took a toll on my self-esteem.

Another peer pressure issue I had to deal with was how the other students behave in class. I could never understand how the other students could just sit down and do their work and not be distracted by(or notice for that matter.) the countless other thing going on in the room. Of course, this was long before I was aware of sensory processing issues.

 

[Dadwith2Autisticsons]

Did you have any or many friends in your earlier school days, and up through your high school years? If so, were they the geeky type friends, or shyer type? Or other? My family moved around a lot, so I really never had more than one decent friend at a time. He was usually a lot like me... geeky, quiet and outside of the popular groups.

Or did you feel alone? Yes, very often. I was depressed throughout middle and high school and could not talk to my parents. I withdrew into myself, thought about suicide and ran away once.

Were you integrated with NT's, or seperated? Did you yourself ever have a preference? I didn't know about NT's and was too functional (in other peoples' opinion) to have Special Ed, although I was sent to a psychologist once in 7th grade.

How did the teachers and most other students treat you? Different? Or just as part of the class? I was a very smart kid, disliked by others because of my love for academics and lack of love for sports or group activities. Some of my confidants and friends were teachers. Without them, I probably would not have made it through school.

Were you given any accommodations? No, I didn't know I had Aspergers then.

Did you feel like the instruction was above your abilities and expectations, or lower than? I don't understand this one.

Did you get bored easily, or have much anxiety? Bored, always. Anxiety yes, because of bullying.

Did you have any unusual quirk or interest in school? I would retreat into my own world, often fantasizing that I was someone else like a character that I've seen on TV or in the movies.

A certain aspect of school you hated most? The other students.

Did you like the teaching style, or did you prefer being taught in a different manner? There were a few good teachers that actually took an interest in me and in actually teaching. The rest were too by the book and either boring, didn't care or bad communicators

What recommendations would you have made to make your school experiences better? Controlling bullies, teach compassionately and take an interest in the students.

What were the good things about your school experience? There were a few teachers that I actually got along with. A few let me either help them or stay in their room and eat during lunch time.

I faced much of the same, with regards to not getting along with the students, and withdrawing from my parents, too, and with hardly no friends, and resorted to fantasy or focusing my mind elsewhere. I had a twin brother to talk to though.

I though do not think I was depressed much though, as I thought about just getting physically away from people and retreating within, and as I did not consider death. I though have had one doctor say they though I had mild depression my entire life, as I never could outwardly show happiness.

I liked some of the personalities of the teachers, but I did not trust any, as in my case none tried to help me. Many made things worse by requiring me to read in class, do group activities, or give presentations.

 

[Dadwith2Autisticsons]

I like to put a sidenote here. One of the biggest thing that caused me the most pain in school was not so much the bullying, but peer pressure. For example, I would watch the other students participate in an activity that they enjoy but was boring to me and would force myself to do it no matter how bad it hurt, just so I could fit in. I treated the situation a lot like smoking a cigarette for the first time. Ya you're gonna cough and gag at first, but once you got passed that stage, then it was easy. The only problem was. It never got easy no matter how hard I tried. But because of the power of peer pressure. I kept on trying and trying until I had to give up. It was a lot like beating a dead horse, but you didn't know that the horse was already dead. This really took a toll on my self-esteem.

Another peer pressure issue I had to deal with was how the other students behave in class. I could never understand how the other students could just sit down and do their work and not be distracted by(or notice for that matter.) the countless other thing going on in the room. Of course, this was long before I was aware of sensory processing issues.

One instance of peer pressure I felt was one time when a student asked if I wanted to get high, and kept saying to me each class that he could help me. I kept saying no thanks, or ignoring him. Then on one occasion he said, "Let's do it. It will make you a man." I thought to myself, "My father gave me that same speech for alcohol." And my response to my father was, "If that is what men do, I rather be a boy."

I felt pressure from teachers to be social like the rest, when they did the group things and presentations. They did not care when I failed at this. Teachers go by what is best for the class as a whole usually, and not what is best for those on the fringes, or need something else.

 

[Kisa the tea]

I had terrible anxiety and depression at the end of Year 8 and ended up being home schooled through an online program. School was boring and senseless to me past Year 6 or so. Everything became very job specific and i've never used any of it. The constant noise can be a bother too (particularly in cafeterias). Home school was a bit better since it was more online but I still had problems with motivation and getting things done. Homeschool can normally be done faster but I still graduated around 17 because I took several long breaks from it.

 

[Dadwith2Autisticsons]

I had terrible anxiety and depression at the end of Year 8 and ended up being home schooled through an online program. School was boring and senseless to me past Year 6 or so. Everything became very job specific and i've never used any of it. The constant noise can be a bother too (particularly in cafeterias). Home school was a bit better since it was more online but I still had problems with motivation and getting things done. Homeschool can normally be done faster but I still graduated around 17 because I took several long breaks from it.

That was one worry we had: if our children would me motivated to learn at home. So far it has been going very well with Aaron. He loves learning, from all our teachings, and as he is self-motivated and can study independently, too. Dylan is another story because he moves around so much physically, and wants us to stop for teachings and go on to something else. We are going with the flow there, until we get his hyperactivity reduced. As long as he learns a variety of things each day, it does not matter the order, and if it takes more than one attempt to finish things because of poorer concentration and extra energy.