Dadwithtwoautisticsons replied to Goldenwanderer:
Thanks for sharing your experiences with school, and your personal beliefs about the benefits of school and harms of homeschool. It is always good to get a different perspective on things, as that is how I learn, too, from all points of view. I am glad school worked out for you, and I hope it works out for many other students, but I do have my concerns.
For all the reasons we mentioned in this thread, for our specific situation, and that others brought up, too, the benefits of homeschooling, for our children, far outweigh the benefits that would be gained at any school, and the risks less. As responsible parents, we cannot do just what the majority of parents choose to do for their children, but what we think is in their best interests, based on our unique situation and analyses.
I will elaborate more on some of your specific points though. I am not doing so to convince you that the path you chose was wrong, as it looks like things worked out for you, so what I say is to just give our views in general, or as pertaining to our children, depending on the issue you brought up. I am in no way getting upset at you, so if it sounds that way I am sorry. I just am trying for you to understand our situation more.
You suggested or stated the challenges from school and any pains from those experiences for those with high functioning Autism makes them more ready for life. But, firstly, that would make the assumption persons had high stress tolerance levels and would be able to work through that worsened stress, anxiety and depression. You may have had better stress tolerance.
Condition deterioration should not be occurring at school. I thought it was supposed to be a place to learn and grow. How can one learn and grow if their conditions are often deteriorating and their minds are not on their studies, but the bullying, unchallenging material, perceived rejection, and if accommodations are not being made in the environment that could help the child learn more?
These students could be feeling too much pressure to be like everyone else and fit in, when one could not be ready, wanting or able to handle such or be such. Students are forced into such an environment seven hours a day. That does not emulate real life as an adult. People can choose where they want to work, or to not work at all. They are under no obligation to work at certain places, be with bullies, or to please a company that thinks only about them. They can pick any job they want, or none, if they contribute in other ways and find someone for them that prefers to work outside the home instead.
Although you felt you were not bullied, maybe this was or was not the case. We do not know their intentions. Since when are people who are less social, or who look or act different in some way, not bullied, shunned and rejected at school? Many persons bullied resort to even suicide. The schools will not blame themselves, but blame their parents for condition deterioration. So, we as responsible persons are supposed to trust that the school system will prevent that, and admit to their wrongs, and make conditions such that the child will learn and grow?
We are really glad you made friends at school, but in more cases than not this will not occur to any great extent. The assumption is there would not be more enemies than friends at school, and that friends could not be made through home school. Nowhere in our thread posts did we say we sheltered our kids. If anything they are getting more opportunities to socialize, than school would give them, by them getting out in the real word and meeting all types of persons daily, instead of being near peers, and instead of sitting at desks or home all of the day.
They are getting hands on learning in so many ways, and learning naturally in so many ways. I rather have them learn in these ways, than in ways dictated to them, and to learn through their interests and talents, with more time devoted to that, and learn in ways best for their personalities, than in more boring ways. Yes, there are rules to follow at work, but we believe in some structure as well, but not the schools way of structure, that is too rigid and not individualized.
By focusing on our children being happier and finding ways for them to be more confident, and with less stress, and being more relaxed, and by having variety in our teachings, and by understanding and fulfilling their needs, learning styles, and considering their preferences, this would encourage creativity, maximizing their potentials, and socializing more.
Aaron is very social now because of his homeschooling. He is very polite and initiates conversations with all, and he plays with children regularly and interacts much with other adults at stores, other businesses, and wherever we go, besides the quality one-to-one interactions with each of us. He has a brother at home, too, to try to initiate communication with. Dylan, he is nonverbal, but that is not because of our lack of similar efforts. We are confident one day he will catch up to Aaron.
Speech therapy is not the miracle cure there for Dylan, as he has an additional severe hyperactivity component too. Aaron had 45 speech sessions at age two, and Aaron never opened up there, and was still nonverbal then. She taught in ways he hated, and under his abilities as she assumed he could not speak anything. Only away from her.
So, I started breaking things down instead and trying to think on his level, and knowing what he liked and did not, and teaching at his higher level and faster pace needed. Within a few months he started talking, and then he became more and more social as I could understand his desires and needs even more. We created extremely interesting social games.
For us, we teach not with the idea to learn because they have to learn, but as they want to learn. Also, we never teach with the idea some great profession is the goal. We teach things that make our children well rounded individuals, and good persons. The rest will take care of itself. Too often parents and society judges based on academia and jobs.
Whatever they choose to do in life we will be happy with, as long as they are nice to others and enjoying what they do, and as long as bullies are not tolerated there. We have taught our children at least twenty times more than what traditional school systems do, and yet, they still are receptive to learning more. They see teachings not as work, but fun. We are not lenient parents though, nor overbearing. We know the harms of that. We are constructive in all our attempts.
As for outside therapy, while those Autism students are in school and if they need such help, students should not need extra therapy if the school was doing their jobs and not creating worsening or static conditions. It reminds me once of a doctor that my wife had. My wife told this woman doctor that another man specialist was severely making her condition worse by his arrogant and too busy attitude whenever she tried making an appointment with him and saw him.
Her general doctor told my wife basically, "Please continue treatment with that doctor. You are irrational. He will help you." Well, yes, her mind was messed up, and it became more messed up whenever she saw that specialist or attempted to see him. So, it would have been a cyclic cycle. She would see the doctor. He aggravates her condition. So, she has to see him more, which worsens her condition more. That sounds like not a healthy and rational plan.
It was great you learned through analyzing others at school, as I did as well. I analyzed how they did not like me, accept me, and how they were different than me. But, that is not a good enough reason to be in school for our children, as if they could not learn to be social there, like their rigid rules that is geared to please the masses and not those with special abilities or need, and if bullying was tolerated, then school would create far more harm.
For those who read my last book, the last thing they would recommend is schooling and therapy for the kids, based on all the abilities we showed as parents and extensive things we daily taught them, and all the numerous failed medical experiences that were set up to take advantage of our special children. So,
I do not blame you for your views, as it was based on your knowledge of your situation, and some great analyses, but our situation showed we needed something else better than traditional school and therapy for our situation.
Thanks for posting your experiences though, as there can be some benefits of school if the conditions fall in line like that. Unfortunately, I am a cynic though when schools are involved. I just think generally they do things their way, and sweep things under the carpet. They do not individualize things. It is too much work for them to do that and show true care to those in need.[/QUOTE]
