School Experiences for Aspies and Autistic

[icesyckel]

Overall: it sucked.

Did you have any or many friends in your earlier school days, and up through your high school years? If so, were they the geeky type friends, or shyer type? Or other?

I was not shy and was on friendly terms with anyone who wasn't an arse to me, but I have few if any close or "best" friends.

Or did you feel alone?

No, and that was largely the problem.

Were you integrated with NT's, or seperated? Did you yourself ever have a preference?

I was undiagnosed at the time, and because I was always higher functioning I got lumped in with the norms. That was awful for many reasons.

How did the teachers and most other students treat you? Different? Or just as part of the class?

Yes, I was treated differently. If I explained how and by whom, though, this post would never end. However, suffice it to say that being treated differently was part of what prompted by development of coping mechanisms.

Were you given any accommodations?

No.

Did you feel like the instruction was above your abilities and expectations, or lower than?

Usually it was lower than.

Did you get bored easily, or have much anxiety?

Bored, always.

Bullied, sometimes.

Anxiety, constantly.

Did you have any unusual quirk or interest in school?

Yes. They varied with time. I went through many.

A certain aspect of school you hated most?

You're never really left alone.

Did you like the teaching style, or did you prefer being taught in a different manner?

I prefer to teach myself, so nothing really pleased me.

What recommendations would you have made to make your school experiences better?

Someone said, "Teach the teachers to engage rather than dictate, and treat bullying seriously." I agree with the second half. However, I'd also have liked the teachers to have left me alone with a few exceptions.

What were the good things about your school experience?

Someone said, "That it eventually ended." To which I reply, "Ditto."

 

[FreeDiver]

That was one worry we had: if our children would me motivated to learn at home. So far it has been going very well with Aaron. He loves learning, from all our teachings, and as he is self-motivated and can study independently, too. Dylan is another story because he moves around so much physically, and wants us to stop for teachings and go on to something else. We are going with the flow there, until we get his hyperactivity reduced. As long as he learns a variety of things each day, it does not matter the order, and if it takes more than one attempt to finish things because of poorer concentration and extra energy.

Be careful with how you deal with Dylan hyperactivity issues. Especially when it involves using drugs. Anything that would force the suppression of his hyperactivity could cause severe emotional damage to him. If Dylan want it do his Round-robbin learning style then I would just let him. Sounds like it working for him anyways. Most people in the spectrum don't learn using the conventional/traditional spoon-feed method of learning.

Another thing to keep in mind is that what you may think is hyperactivity, may actually be a thing we call "Stimming" or self-stimulation. Here is a video of an 8 year old doing just that. hope this will give you some pointers. Keep in mind that this is not hyperactivity what this kid in the video is doing.

 

[Thursday]

Yes, we like teaching things that are not taught at school too, and answering why questions. Every detail in their environment and outside environments is something potentially very valuable to learn. We look in the sky and learn about different types of clouds naturally, and why they formed and float this way, see birds outside and learn all about that type and why they do this or that, learn about measurement like through such cups in mean preparation, and how to mix things, and so on, and the sky is the limit for such teachings.

And so not only do we teach the basic subjects, but learn through everyday living which most persons take for granted, but if a parent took the greater effort and saw that there are so many things we do everyday instinctively that they could teach their children, this would help much as well. Heck, to take learning even further, my third book was about "Teaching Greatness in You," meaning teaching character development. That book and the two prior others I have not published yet, due to the sensitive information about my prior family, but just the most recent book I self-published. As for the other book I mentioned, since when do schools teach character development, like leadership skills, empathy, communication skills, responsibility, politeness, honesty, and so on? Our children being homeschooled gives us an opportunity to use that extra time to keep reinforcing those concepts.

And we agree totally about your conclusions too, like in terms of finding the student's strengths and finding the best learning ways for that child, like in terms of visually, auditory or kinesthetically. We find both our children like more hands on learning, and not much into traditional lectures, and so they seem to like the latter approach the best, though we incorporate all methods at least a little. Our philosophy is treat each child as an individual with different likes and needs, and to make things interesting each day for them, but like in a structured way for Aaron. Our other son because of his hyperactivity does not like structure, so we change up things there, until he is ever receptive to that style of learning.

Oh if only more parents took the time to be as hands-on as you, maybe more kids would enjoy learning. I recall something Neil deGrasse Tyson said in StarTalk (I'm paraphrasing a bit here) "schools should not focus only on teaching concepts, but on encouraging a natural curiosity about the world." I believe the current school system stifles that as it prioritizes quantifiable results over anything else. It has its uses...however, it shouldn't be the only measure of a child's progress.

 

[Dadwith2Autisticsons]

Overall: it sucked.

Did you have any or many friends in your earlier school days, and up through your high school years? If so, were they the geeky type friends, or shyer type? Or other?

I was not shy and was on friendly terms with anyone who wasn't an arse to me, but I have few if any close or "best" friends.

Or did you feel alone?

No, and that was largely the problem.

Were you integrated with NT's, or seperated? Did you yourself ever have a preference?

I was undiagnosed at the time, and because I was always higher functioning I got lumped in with the norms. That was awful for many reasons.

How did the teachers and most other students treat you? Different? Or just as part of the class?

Yes, I was treated differently. If I explained how and by whom, though, this post would never end. However, suffice it to say that being treated differently was part of what prompted by development of coping mechanisms.

Were you given any accommodations?

No.

Did you feel like the instruction was above your abilities and expectations, or lower than?

Usually it was lower than.

Did you get bored easily, or have much anxiety?

Bored, always.

Bullied, sometimes.

Anxiety, constantly.

Did you have any unusual quirk or interest in school?

Yes. They varied with time. I went through many.

A certain aspect of school you hated most?

You're never really left alone.

Did you like the teaching style, or did you prefer being taught in a different manner?

I prefer to teach myself, so nothing really pleased me.

What recommendations would you have made to make your school experiences better?

Someone said, "Teach the teachers to engage rather than dictate, and treat bullying seriously." I agree with the second half. However, I'd also have liked the teachers to have left me alone with a few exceptions.

What were the good things about your school experience?

Someone said, "That it eventually ended." To which I reply, "Ditto."

Thank you for taking the time to reply and answer all those questions. I could see why the school experience was not good for you. Understimulated, and not left alone as much as you desired and needed. The fact you had to teach yourself is telling. I was the same. I did not need self-motivation and I wanted things taught in better ways, namely my needed way, as although their ways may have been good for many, but not for me.

 

[Dadwith2Autisticsons]

Be careful with how you deal with Dylan hyperactivity issues. Especially when it involves using drugs. Anything that would force the suppression of his hyperactivity could cause severe emotional damage to him. If Dylan want it do his Round-robbin learning style then I would just let him. Sounds like it working for him anyways. Most people in the spectrum don't learn using the conventional/traditional spoon-feed method of learning.

Another thing to keep in mind is that what you may think is hyperactivity, may actually be a thing we call "Stimming" or self-stimulation. Here is a video of an 8 year old doing just that. hope this will give you some pointers. Keep in mind that this is not hyperactivity what this kid in the video is doing.

Yes, we are not into drugs for any mental health type issue for our children, including thus also any hyperactive issues. My wife became suicidal and had a host of severe reactions with medication usage, to treat her lifetime of signs and symptoms, prior to her ADHD diagnosis. Dylan appears to take after my wife, there, though he has mild to moderate Autism, too.

Yes, Dylan has stimming issues too, like hand flapping, spinning himself, excessive scratching, etc, with the latter possibly being texture related, too, but he was just diagnosed last week with the ADHD, as he runs and climbs so much in the house, too, and has extreme difficulties paying attention and finishing tasks, and has disorganized tendencies, too. The doctor saw much video of him in various environments, and combined with his observations, came to that conclusion.

The doctor wanted him to try medication, and we refused. He is just five years old. We said neither us or him were into that, anyway, regardless of age. So, if there is nothing safe to use, we will just keep doing what we are doing. The only way to get him to stop running is to get his hands moving with finding learning activities that involve that. He loves navigating his IPad, but we we do other educational things where he can move freely, with either his hands, feet or both.

Thanks for the helpful advice.

 

[Dadwith2Autisticsons]

Oh if only more parents took the time to be as hands-on as you, maybe more kids would enjoy learning. I recall something Neil deGrasse Tyson said in StarTalk (I'm paraphrasing a bit here) "schools should not focus only on teaching concepts, but on encouraging a natural curiosity about the world." I believe the current school system stifles that as it prioritizes quantifiable results over anything else. It has its uses...however, it shouldn't be the only measure of a child's progress.

Yes, I agree. I feel more classrooms should be like the children's animated show "Sid the Science Kid." Unfortunately, for most schools it seems all about standardized testing. There may be some good use for that, but that is not the cure all. We need a healthy educational balance, and with more creativity and curiosity type teachings involved.

 

[Lanay]

As my wife and I have 2 Autistic sons, one verbal and higher functioning, and one nonverbal with hyperactive issues, we were wondering what your schooling experiences were like, and whether they were mostly neutral, good or bad, to determine any future decisions for our children, though we are homeschooling them now.

You might want to answer one or more of the following questions, or explain things in your way. Did you have any or many friends in your earlier school days, and up through your high school years? If so, were they the geeky type friends, or shyer type? Or other? Or did you feel alone? Were you integrated with NT's, or seperated? Did you yourself ever have a preference?

How did the teachers and most other students treat you? Different? Or just as part of the class? Were you given any accommodations? Did you feel like the instruction was above your abilities and expectations, or lower than? Did you get bored easily, or have much anxiety? Did you have any unusual quirk or interest in school? A certain aspect of school you hated most?

Did you like the teaching style, or did you prefer being taught in a different manner? What recommendations would you have made to make your school experiences better? What were the good things about your school experience? Feel free to answer what you want, no matter how brief or long, as we are interested in learning more about Aspie and Autistic educational experiences. Thanks.

 

[Maelstrom]

School was Hell on earth!

 

[Lady Penelope]

As my wife and I have 2 Autistic sons, one verbal and higher functioning, and one nonverbal with hyperactive issues, we were wondering what your schooling experiences were like, and whether they were mostly neutral, good or bad, to determine any future decisions for our children, though we are homeschooling them now.

You might want to answer one or more of the following questions, or explain things in your way. Did you have any or many friends in your earlier school days, and up through your high school years? If so, were they the geeky type friends, or shyer type? Or other? Or did you feel alone? Were you integrated with NT's, or seperated? Did you yourself ever have a preference?

How did the teachers and most other students treat you? Different? Or just as part of the class? Were you given any accommodations? Did you feel like the instruction was above your abilities and expectations, or lower than? Did you get bored easily, or have much anxiety? Did you have any unusual quirk or interest in school? A certain aspect of school you hated most?

Did you like the teaching style, or did you prefer being taught in a different manner? What recommendations would you have made to make your school experiences better? What were the good things about your school experience? Feel free to answer what you want, no matter how brief or long, as we are interested in learning more about Aspie and Autistic educational experiences. Thanks.

Not sure how relevant my response will be as a female. I understand it presents differently in girls and one of our coping mechanisms is mimicry. I am happy to offer my experiences in greater detail if you feel it might be of benefit. Commence overview :

I was undiagnosed. Mainstream Co-ed school. Don't feel i was overly bullied. I was teased for being smart but i also excelled in sport so was not picked last on teams rather was first girl and often picked over unsporty boys. I received some attention from boys but was not the Hot Girl. I was a late developer. I did not have hygeine issues as some describe which likely helped. I seemed to be accepted by most peer groups in primary school but limited more in high school. Had few friends but one intense friend at a time. Excelled in all subjects. Found subjects too easy and under stimulating. I felt different and was mostly ignored. I could interact with all social group members one on one but got lost in the crowd. End of high school went a bit haywire due to friend change.
I liked one teacher in primary school and one in high school. Most likely due to them encouraging my aptitude in a subject i enjoyed. Social groups made me nervous as did parties. I avoided where possible despite desperately wanting to go and join in.

I think i would have benefitted from smaller class sizes or one on one with a teacher specialising in that subject....more like an apprenticeship in each subject with a different teacher and socialising with groups of people interested in similar things and activities rather than the school nuff nuffs.

Navigating the unspoken social cues was difficult. Starting and leaving conversations was hard if they were not my friend.

Having limited peers to talk to has resulted in not being wary of social cues by manipulative people and those with ulterior motives. If you can get an NT to take your kid under their wing they can talk to them on their level about peer stuff. Like if a girl is being nice to them for the wrong reason. Or they are being set up by the cool kids for a joke. If i had been able to talk to someone about stuff like that it would have been really helpful. An insider revealing the NT view is gold.

 

[Dadwith2Autisticsons]

School was Hell on earth!

For myself, unfortunately the same. The only possibly good in school was visualizations I had there of being at parks, near mountains, next to the oceans, whatever, and trying to figure out all the others through introspection. That is not a good enough reason to be at school, when I learned everything else on my own.

Sorry you and those others had to go through all your difficulties, too.. You deserved better as well.

 

[Momo]

As a current high school student (final year), I can say that I really don't have any friends at school and find it very difficult to connect with people, a wee bit of an outsider you might say. During primary school when I was undiagnosed I was treated with a learning disorder, had horrible grades and was bullied often. Now I get relatively good grades after learning that I can't rely on anybody else to teach me, it's all up to me. If your children have the self-motivation and get the opportunity to choose subjects they like in later school then they should be fine. As for the friend thing, that may never change

 

[Dadwith2Autisticsons]

Not sure how relevant my response will be as a female. I understand it presents differently in girls and one of our coping mechanisms is mimicry. I am happy to offer my experiences in greater detail if you feel it might be of benefit. Commence overview :

I was undiagnosed. Mainstream Co-ed school. Don't feel i was overly bullied. I was teased for being smart but i also excelled in sport so was not picked last on teams rather was first girl and often picked over unsporty boys. I received some attention from boys but was not the Hot Girl. I was a late developer. I did not have hygeine issues as some describe which likely helped. I seemed to be accepted by most peer groups in primary school but limited more in high school. Had few friends but one intense friend at a time. Excelled in all subjects. Found subjects too easy and under stimulating. I felt different and was mostly ignored. I could interact with all social group members one on one but got lost in the crowd. End of high school went a bit haywire due to friend change.
I liked one teacher in primary school and one in high school. Most likely due to them encouraging my aptitude in a subject i enjoyed. Social groups made me nervous as did parties. I avoided where possible despite desperately wanting to go and join in.

I think i would have benefitted from smaller class sizes or one on one with a teacher specialising in that subject....more like an apprenticeship in each subject with a different teacher and socialising with groups of people interested in similar things and activities rather than the school nuff nuffs.

Navigating the unspoken social cues was difficult. Starting and leaving conversations was hard if they were not my friend.

Having limited peers to talk to has resulted in not being wary of social cues by manipulative people and those with ulterior motives. If you can get an NT to take your kid under their wing they can talk to them on their level about peer stuff. Like if a girl is being nice to them for the wrong reason. Or they are being set up by the cool kids for a joke. If I had been able to talk to someone about stuff like that it would have been really helpful. An insider revealing the NT view is gold.

You explained yourself well, thanks. You are right that womens' situations can show up differently, and regardless of condition. And it is often thus minimized, and taken less seriously. Even though some people's experiences can seem better or more manageable from the surface, actually there could be lots of issues not seen. And I realize it is not the quantity of issues that should dictate how severe a school situation is, as even one problematic issue alone can create much trauma.

I like the recommendations you made. I guess my first recommendation is prior to each school year, the school submits a very detailed report to the parents explaining their school policies regarding bullying, teacher and student misconduct, and with specifics what will happen. This will give the parents and students important information to know what is acceptable and not.

Also, I feel there needs to be some independent legal advocate that is a huge supporter of students rights in each school that would serious listen to and empathize with any students concerns, with attempt to find quick and reasonable resolution. Each student should be valued and heard, without sweeping important issues under the carpet. If students in need feel unsafe and have difficulty trusting, maybe such a legal human rights advocate not paid for by the school would help. They can monitor wrongs occurring in the school.

Also, I feel school systems need to teach in a variety of ways, and not just one way. Too many resort just to lectures, textbook readings and blackboards. There are tons of students bored by this approach, and need to learn in other ways too. For really gifted students, have more advanced courses and curriculums. The school systems need to stop lying about wrongs committed, but take accountability. Teachers and school personnel also need to look deeper and inquire further if things seem not right. Have a sincere and friendly talk with the student, to try to resolve things before things could get out of control. Have a peer buddy system in place too, for those who do not make friends easily.

Those are just a few things I quickly would want school systems to implement.

Thanks for sharing your school experiences, and your input.

 

[Dadwith2Autisticsons]

As a current high school student (final year), I can say that I really don't have any friends at school and find it very difficult to connect with people, a wee bit of an outsider you might say. During primary school when I was undiagnosed I was treated with a learning disorder, had horrible grades and was bullied often. Now I get relatively good grades after learning that I can't rely on anybody else to teach me, it's all up to me. If your children have the self-motivation and get the opportunity to choose subjects they like in later school then they should be fine. As for the friend thing, that may never change

Yes, I eventually gave up trying to learn much from teachers. The environment was not for me, and their teaching style and slow pace was not a match. Choice is what we believe in too. While our children will learn the basic subjects, and which is required by State Law anyway, we know each has not only their own order of preferences for those, but with wanting to learn different new things. There are tons of subjects out there not covered in school, and we are always finding out what interests them, and having them learn that.

 

[FreeDiver]

You explained yourself well, thanks. You are right that womens' situations can show up differently, and regardless of condition. And it is often thus minimized, and taken less seriously. Even though some people's experiences can seem better or more manageable from the surface, actually there could be lots of issues not seen. And I realize it is not the quantity of issues that should dictate how severe a school situation is, as even one problematic issue alone can create much trauma.

I like the recommendations you made. I guess my first recommendation is prior to each school year, the school submits a very detailed report to the parents explaining their school policies regarding bullying, teacher and student misconduct, and with specifics what will happen. This will give the parents and students important information to know what is acceptable and not.

Also, I feel there needs to be some independent legal advocate that is a huge supporter of students rights in each school that would serious listen to and empathize with any students concerns, with attempt to find quick and reasonable resolution. Each student should be valued and heard, without sweeping important issues under the carpet. If students in need feel unsafe and have difficulty trusting, maybe such a legal human rights advocate not paid for by the school would help. They can monitor wrongs occurring in the school.

Also, I feel school systems need to teach in a variety of ways, and not just one way. Too many resort just to lectures, textbook readings and blackboards. There are tons of students bored by this approach, and need to learn in other ways too. For really gifted students, have more advanced courses and curriculums. The school systems need to stop lying about wrongs committed, but take accountability. Teachers and school personnel also need to look deeper and inquire further if things seem not right. Have a sincere and friendly talk with the student, to try to resolve things before things could get out of control. Have a peer buddy system in place too, for those who do not make friends easily.

Those are just a few things I quickly would want school systems to implement.

Thanks for sharing your school experiences, and your input.

And you wonder why all these school shooting are happening. You can't tell me that these aren't the result of bullying and pecking orders going unchecked. And to think of all the money that goes into school security to try and fix this problem could be going towards making the schools better. But hey, I'm just preaching to the choir.

 

[ZebraAutismo]

I went all the way through main stream until I started collage this year. I have coped better in smaller schools s it was to big and the teachers unsupporive. In secondary school I made friends ttwo of which were also aspies. I have needed support throughout school like TA support and adaptive equipment. I also had to have a taxi during secoundry school as I couldn't travel independently and still can't. School helped me access some amazing services such as speach tthearpyy, emotthion help and social skill groups.

 

[savi83]

I kept myself to myself, went to lessons, didn't really mix with the other students and spent my lunches in one of the computer rooms.

I remember when I was in primary school, my parents used to chat with the parents of other children in my class which resulted in me being taken to birthday parties and "play dates" which I didn't enjoy. Don't like being in a large groups of people.

Sometimes I feel that I should've made an effort with the other children growing up. When I see movies/television shows and the characters talk about friends that they grew up with.

I just feel uncomfortable letting people close to me emotionally. How do you make the move from acquaintance to best friend, sharing intimate thoughts and feelings. It just doesn't seem like something that I'd do.

 

[Ambi]

As my wife and I have 2 Autistic sons, one verbal and higher functioning, and one nonverbal with hyperactive issues, we were wondering what your schooling experiences were like, and whether they were mostly neutral, good or bad, to determine any future decisions for our children, though we are homeschooling them now.

You might want to answer one or more of the following questions, or explain things in your way. Did you have any or many friends in your earlier school days, and up through your high school years? If so, were they the geeky type friends, or shyer type? Or other? Or did you feel alone? Were you integrated with NT's, or seperated? Did you yourself ever have a preference?

How did the teachers and most other students treat you? Different? Or just as part of the class? Were you given any accommodations? Did you feel like the instruction was above your abilities and expectations, or lower than? Did you get bored easily, or have much anxiety? Did you have any unusual quirk or interest in school? A certain aspect of school you hated most?

Did you like the teaching style, or did you prefer being taught in a different manner? What recommendations would you have made to make your school experiences better? What were the good things about your school experience? Feel free to answer what you want, no matter how brief or long, as we are interested in learning more about Aspie and Autistic educational experiences. Thanks.

When I was really young, I don't think social skills mattered as much. I was undiagnosed. I was getting along in my own aspie ways until 4th grade, when my parents switched me to a different school. I had always had severe problems with making friends, so I cried every day for 6 months or so. My parents did nothing to help me adjust. They said nothing other than they switched schools for my own good. The teachers noticed I never spoke with other kids and spent all my recess periods with a book - they tried to get other girls to become my friend, but it didn't work - one time I was miserable. The other time I annoyed the heck out of the girl, who gave up. Luckily, despite my horrible social skills and even my meanness when I was miserable, one girl insisted on befriending me - and we have been friends ever since, for nearly 30 years now. My friendship with her was life altering. Through her, I met a group of other girls - they weren't aspies, but quirky and unique, with many aspie-friendly interests. That group of friends helped me tremendously through school. I was still as weird as ever, but they accepted me. Once I had that group of friends, everything else seemed easier - I had a clique. Yes, everyone outside of it had no idea what to make of me. I had no idea I had a serious problem, myself. I threw myself into my studies - I went to a really good school with really interesting classes and really interesting teachers. I loved to read and I was really good at school, so it worked out. Gym was a humiliating and anxiety-provoking experience. I had social anxiety like crazy whenever I was outside of my group of friends. But when I got to college, I again couldn't make friends - I didn't succeed in it at all, and I didn't know why. And as my highschool friends all grew up and matured, I was left behind - I am still like a teen trapped in an adult body. The way they speak, the things they care about, the things they can handle, all easily surpass me. We are no longer friends now - everyone has moved away, and I am ashamed of my lack of accomplishments in comparison to them - well, now, in comparison to most people.

 

[Dadwith2Autisticsons]

I kept myself to myself, went to lessons, didn't really mix with the other students and spent my lunches in one of the computer rooms.

I remember when I was in primary school, my parents used to chat with the parents of other children in my class which resulted in me being taken to birthday parties and "play dates" which I didn't enjoy. Don't like being in a large groups of people.

Sometimes I feel that I should've made an effort with the other children growing up. When I see movies/television shows and the characters talk about friends that they grew up with.

I just feel uncomfortable letting people close to me emotionally. How do you make the move from acquaintance to best friend, sharing intimate thoughts and feelings. It just doesn't seem like something that I'd do.

I can see how that would have bothered you. I am wondering if your parents did that thinking it could help you, but instead it made matters worse. That is why parental communication with their children is important, to find out not only how the child likes school and classmates, but to know what could actually make matters worse.

I think we all did the best we could do during those times, regarding our efforts at making friendships, based on our knowledge, condition, and anxieties then, so try not to worry what you could have done better, as most of us likely acted in the ways we felt was safest, by not taking that risk of potential further rejection or criticism. Lots on this board likely had trust issues with others, and especially if the others seemed to be avoiding us or not really opening to us, too.

Actually, if anything, I wished I avoided persons more. I was nowhere ready for any social talk, through my early twenties. For instance, at lunch each school year, up through high school, I either sat at a round table of kids who would not speak to me, or sit alone at a table where students would laugh. It was absolutely the worst time of the school day for me, all those years. I rather have ate in a classroom alone. At least then they could not steal the food off my tray too

 

[Dadwith2Autisticsons]

When I was really young, I don't think social skills mattered as much. I was undiagnosed. I was getting along in my own aspie ways until 4th grade, when my parents switched me to a different school. I had always had severe problems with making friends, so I cried every day for 6 months or so. My parents did nothing to help me adjust. They said nothing other than they switched schools for my own good. The teachers noticed I never spoke with other kids and spent all my recess periods with a book - they tried to get other girls to become my friend, but it didn't work - one time I was miserable. The other time I annoyed the heck out of the girl, who gave up. Luckily, despite my horrible social skills and even my meanness when I was miserable, one girl insisted on befriending me - and we have been friends ever since, for nearly 30 years now. My friendship with her was life altering. Through her, I met a group of other girls - they weren't aspies, but quirky and unique, with many aspie-friendly interests. That group of friends helped me tremendously through school. I was still as weird as ever, but they accepted me. Once I had that group of friends, everything else seemed easier - I had a clique. Yes, everyone outside of it had no idea what to make of me. I had no idea I had a serious problem, myself. I threw myself into my studies - I went to a really good school with really interesting classes and really interesting teachers. I loved to read and I was really good at school, so it worked out. Gym was a humiliating and anxiety-provoking experience. I had social anxiety like crazy whenever I was outside of my group of friends. But when I got to college, I again couldn't make friends - I didn't succeed in it at all, and I didn't know why. And as my highschool friends all grew up and matured, I was left behind - I am still like a teen trapped in an adult body. The way they speak, the things they care about, the things they can handle, all easily surpass me. We are no longer friends now - everyone has moved away, and I am ashamed of my lack of accomplishments in comparison to them - well, now, in comparison to most people.

It was nice to see how making just one friend started changing your school life for the better, in terms of confidence and motivation, and making you happier and more comfortable. The fact that you succeeded academically at school was though because of your own efforts at studying, and learning the material.

I am sorry things did not work out as well for you at college. I know it is easier said than done, but try not to compare yourself to others, as sometimes being not like others in some ways is a good thing, when this world is so full of workaholics not caring about their children, narcissistic persons who think they are better than others, attention-seeking celebrities who just want to bare all to the world, and so on.

Try to focus more on the good things about you, and not how you are not like the rest. For instance, I am proud that I often go against the grain, and have different abilities that others do not have. Yes, they may have other abilities I do not have, but that does mean they are superior, as they have faults, too. I rather be a leader in my own ways, and be positive, than a follower resorting to competition, and negativity.

This does not mean everyone does not need friends, but I just try not to force things or compare too much, but let things go more naturally, as quality is often better than quantity. In the meantime, maybe focus on just enjoying life in other ways, and seeing where that leads you. Focus on just being your best, creating some opportunities by having fun, doing things you like and are good at, and good things should happen.

 

[WildCat]

Absolute hell after a certain point. I'm not going to bother going into detail since nearly all the responses on this thread pretty much echo my sentiments about it. At this point, I really wish I could have been home-schooled, placed into a prep school (which my mother wanted to do but didn't have the resources for) or a program for those on the spectrum (even better, those were few and far at that time). Can't change the past either, so there's little point in ruminating about it now. Maybe things will change for the better in a few decades, I really don't know.

All I can say is the public school system is sink or swim, it's daycare teetering on prison on a wide scale, and heaven forbid you're one of the (un)lucky few placed in cookie-cutter special education classes. Everyone seems to wonder why certain troubled students snap and finally "speak up" (and I don't mean speak necessarily, for some of them). You might want to take a minute to listen to them - I think they might have a good idea of what's really going on here.