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The Circle

Thanks everyone :) My husband thinks I go over the top sometimes but her happy little face is always worth the effort!

I've started writing down every little incident we have with her(I'm going to put them on my blog incase I lose my bits of paper) and just over the weekend we've had so many tantrums, she's started to get really angry lately, her tantrums are getting more physical. She used to just go and lay face down on her bed and calm down but now she's throwing things and hitting herself and allsorts. I'm really annoyed with the psychiatrist because they are not really doing anything, her sessions with the play therapist are coming to an end (she keeps wanting to stop but Kyoko doesn't want to so we're stuck going every week until we can wean her off the sessions).

They've referred her to an occupational therapist for her sensory problems and that's it, that is not why we went, she needs a diagnosis AND help not just a little help with sensory issues, stupid psychiatrist has missed lots out of her report, got things wrong and focused on the most bizarre things(like her name being japanese).

Do you the saddest part, Kyoko knows full well she's different and it's really upsetting her, she sometimes gets so down and crys her eyes out because she's 'different' and has so many misunderstandings. Friday night after I settled her down in bed I put an autism mini-documentary on that I wanted to re-watch and she came in and asked what I was watching so I told her. I then explained that it was what I had(specifically asperger's) so she asked to watch it with me, I told her she could ask questions at the end if she wanted to. So we watched it together and then she asked if we could watch it again so she could get me to pause it and she could ask me things about the stuff in it. So she kept asking me things about what the kids meant(she wanted me to explain what they were talking about).

Then after we watched it and I turned it off I took her back to bed and as she was getting in bed she said "mummy...have I got autism?" I didn't know what to say, I didn't want to say yes because she hasn't got a diagnosis so I asked her if she thought she did. So she said "well I'm alot like the kids in that programme, I get really angry like that boy and words are funny to me like that girl and I don't like people touching me like that little boy said and big crowds of people talking make me feel dizzy(her word to describe overwhelmed)". So I said maybe, maybe not that we'd have to see what the doctors say, since Friday she has watched that documentary about 20 times now, on Saturday morning she watched it 5 times in a row.

I hate how long this is taking because she is just getting worse and more and more depressed over being different and it's making me so angry because to me it's so obvious that she is on the spectrum somewhere but the stupid psychiatrist doubts it's that because she can maintain eye contact, has an imagination and has friends....AAAAHHH!!!!
 
The power is back! Happy dance! Life with air conditioning and wifi is good. Also, Aspies Central is back. I missed my friends here, truly.
 
@Kelly: I am really glad though that she was willing to watch the little documentry. I think its great that you guys had the opportunity to talk about it. Its too bad that you don't have such an openminded Psychiatrist. I think they need to look more at what girls are like and we tend to be more imagnative. I feel for you too. I got lucky with my diagnosis. Good luck you have my hugs and thoughts. You seem to have a great kid Kelly. Its great that you can understand her the way you do.

Sometimes I think its hard I wish that it had been around when we were kids sometimes. That we didn't instinctually know somehow that we are different. Its still bloody freaking hot here and its not supposed to change until the end of the week. Ugh...I had a bit of meltdown with my mom the other day she was trying to have a nice discussion about my terrible horrid spending habits (ok I get that I am bad I am horrid with money). But then she got on me about having to get second job. I've been trying seriously trying and getting emails back saying I am over qualified for the damn positions so it finally all came out and I started to cry hysterically. I am better now. Today would have been a Fine day had I not had a lovely run in with the evil ones (Christine and Andrea). They kept staring at me cause they were there to pick up Andrea's mom. I hate that they make me feel like a freak. I try really really hard to be up beat about things, that things will get better but sometimes you just wanna scream because in my case my feelings about this hasn't changed.

On a lighter note I got a little teddy named Minty from BuildABear and he's so cute.
 
I was out shopping yesterday when someone shouts my name, looked around and this woman was grinning at me, so of course my mind was racing...'Who is she, what does she want...okay she has a kid with her, is she from school?'. Then she asks me how my little one is doing and how am I and I just smile like a lunatic and say we're fine, she then asks where Kyoko is and I say "uhm she's around somewhere here with her dad"...I'm still trying to figure out who she is, then all is revealed...

"So I was wondering if your still making websites because I really need something doing with mine, I know I've asked you loads of times before but I really need it sorting, it's a mess"

And that's when it dawns on me, her kids went to the same pre-school as Kyoko but they live in the next village so they go to a different school, haven't seen her for about 3 years now (last time I saw her was when we were going over a business deal at her house).

Anyway she asked me 3 years ago to make her a new website for her party business, so I agreed, no money changed hands. I spent many many hours making a new site, all I needed was the okay to move her over on to my hosting...she never replied to my email. A year later she asks me again to make her site, so again I made it from scratch got to the same point again of emailing her and saying okay it's all ready so just give me the go ahead to do it and you'll be on my hosting with a new site. Here we are a year later and she's asking me again.....screw that I thought. Until my husband said I should ask for 50% upfront that way she can't screw me around so I'm thinking about it, we need another laptop so I can get rid of the pc & desk/chair. Need to make space for a snake & vivarium that needs a new home (owner is moving and nobody wants the snake...me being a soft touch said I may take it if I can make space, I feel awful for the poor snake).

These things always happen together as well because I'm currently sorting out a new website for a charity that helps women in a remote part of Africa be self sufficient and I don't like having more then one project at a time.
 
Today I found out that my nemesis my ex-friend at work is going to be gone for three freaking weeks. I am so excited. I don't have to worry about it for three weeks. Plus its supposed to be close to 100F degrees tomorrow blegh...but at least after tomorrow I don't work on Wednesday so that is great...besides having to clean. I don't know I'm doing all right right now. I am thinking about what lies ahead with the baby shower for my sister. I'm unsure how to be right now...I am excited about some things and still really holding onto grudges. I realized that I am hanging onto things and I need to figure out how to let stuff go.
 
It's still morning here and I was already interrogated by a federal agent...

A few months ago an older woman who I kinda knew asked me to fix her truck. It was '96 Sierra with a blown header collar. The easiest way to fix it is to retrofit an old school exhaust system without a catalytic converter, because that converter clogs easy on Sierras. It's completely legal to do as long as you're certified for exhaust work, I'm not.

Anyway, have you guys seen The Fast and The Furious? Where they make cars and trucks illegally fast and steal them? That's the kind of organization I got tricked into working for. I would get paid to fix "innocent" peoples cars and trucks. I got manipulated by scum.

The U.S. Marshall told me that these criminals call people like me "hicks". Small-town trusting people who will wrench on a truck to help someone out. He said I'm in no trouble at all and was actually really nice.

He even bought me some cigarettes and a mountain dew! :D
 
So glad the police were nice & understood that you were an innocent victim of these scum-bag people. Better a hick any day than a crooked exploitative low life! What exactly does this group do with the trucks you & others repair for them?
 
Soup said:
So glad the police were nice & understood that you were an innocent victim of these scum-bag people. Better a hick any day than a crooked exploitative low life! What exactly does this group do with the trucks you & others repair for them?
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Race them for money, sell them, and they'll use the trucks as burglary tools. Like hauling stolen goods and pulling down power lines to get the copper from the power transformer.
 
There has been a shooting in Colorado at a movie theater and I am having massive PTSD stuff now because my friend was killed in a shooting in Colorado back in 2007/2008. I am just so upset. I don't understand how someone can do that to other people. I mean I don't understand half the crap people do to each other but I really don't understand this stuff. I really really don't. I keep crying and thinking about Tiffy and then thinking about all those people that are now going through the same **** I went through. I am all freaked out about getting on the bus now. I am just a mess. I don't want to go to work but I have to. I just want to curl into a ball and not come out for a while.
 
What a lovely story-Kelly-not the router story!!! you have a beautiful daughter and I am pleased that your well constructed plan worked-
I would like to both apologise to and thank Droopy for his handling of the colorado thread and would like to assure him that I did not mean to give him the impression that I would leave unless he closed the thread -I would also like to thank Arashi and Bay for being so sweet last night on shout box-
unfortunately soon after logging off I started to feel very unwell and had problems breathing- I had a really scary few hours in the night and was scared to go to sleep lest i never wake up-my heart rate got up to nearly 200bpm I have spent the day in hospital after my doctor insisted I go by ambulance-turns out due to severe stress this week I had heart arrhythmia-all is ok but my stress levels went stratospheric- I need to find a better way to cope with all this change-meeting family and dealing with alcoholics for 14 hours was way too much and I can never do it again-I think that's why I have not been as tolerant and patient with members on this site that sometimes write sweeping statements and generalizations-Sometimes that's all one needs to trigger off latent feelings of anger or frustration-everyone has a right to opinions but occasionally these posts can grate already raw nerves-however I do think its important to read what one has written before one sends it, especially when some posts are rather large and the author can sometimes forget what has been written-sweeping statements are never a good idea and we should all take a little more care when posting. Many of us have interesting, valid,and varied opinions on a multitude of subjects which are often unheard in the outside world and I believe that in our eagerness and indeed enthusiasm to put our point across, we can sometimes overstep the mark. I am feeling better now but very, very tired-internet hugs would be more than appreciated.
 
It is good to have you back, rolo, but I am sorry to hear of your health woes. Please take it easy, easy, easy! No fast typing or anything.
 
I'm feeling awful today, mentally. Just having one of those days where everything is overwhelming and my mind keeps trailing off mid-sentence or mid-thought. I can tell my boss is annoyed with me because she keeps having to correct what I'm doing. And then I was reprimanded for doing too much (really). I don't understand all these office nuances and politics, and it doesn't make any sense. I'm almost to the point of coming out of my aspie-closet to just my immediate supervisor so she at least knows why I have hard days. I can't wait to go home and have a hug!
 
What a terrifying ordeal Rolo, I hope your having lots of rests :)

How are things with you Bay?

We had a brilliant morning today with the occupational therapist, I was really worried it was going to be more of the patronising crap that we had at the sensory talk but she was wonderful. She asked us alot of questions, asked Kyoko lots of questions, particularly about what happens when the noise gets too much and I had to step in and explain what happens to me as Kyoko has said it's similar to what she experiences.

We had to fill out a form about various sensory things, questions like "Does she jump at sudden noises?" "Never, Occasionally, Frequently or Always" it was interesting that they had social questions on it as well such as "can she play with children easily (i.e not cause arguements)" that was a definate No, but we circled occasionally because sometimes she does play nicely but 80% of the time she ends up arguing because things are not played correctly, or she misunderstands something etc.

After we sat down for 30 mins talking she told Kyoko to go and play with the various bits they had, she headed straight for the trampoline and giant bouncy balls, she spent the next hour totally hyper jumping on/off everything. Anyway the OT was really friendly and completely backing us up with the problems she has, just from being with her for that brief amount of time she knew 'something wasn't right with her'. So the plan is that the OT will go in to watch Kyoko at school, see where she needs the most help. TELL (not ask) the teachers what they need to be doing to help her, strategies for helping her deal with her sensory issues. She basically said she won't take any crap from the teachers, she was appauled by her new teacher asking whether the sound issues are related to her kidney problems. She was just so positive and understanding it really cheered me up and made me believe that things might actually get better from now on, she also mentioned special headphones that she could try. Also if we were worried about her being picked on for being different that there is a specialist audiologist in Cambridge who could get us some tiny little in ear things that muffle the noise, I can't remember what she called them.

The GP was really helpful as well when I spoke to her on Monday, she is referring her directly to an autism clinic for assement, more then likely the same place (but the kids bit) I went to. She also said forget the diazepam because obviously Kyoko has a high tolerance to drugs and it's probably not going to be effective until it gets to a high dose and she doesn't think that's a good idea. So the hospital stuff is on hold until we have been to the autism clinic and she said if she gets a diagnosis there then perhaps they will have a better idea of how to proceed with the hospital injections/scans.

I am soooo glad the toys from the sensory warehouse turned up the other day, she had a massive meltdown last night, long story short she'd been holding in lots of emotions about a situation (fear, guilt, etc) and when she realised that it was all for nothing (i.e she wasn't in trouble and we were not angry etc) she just started to cry and became so worked up she couldn't stop. Literally 10 seconds of chewing on a chewy tube calmed her right down, few more minutes I had her laughing because of the noise of the rocket balloons (and some imitation it's shooting out of my butt moves...yes I'm childish :bounce:).
 
Cerulean said:
I'm feeling awful today, mentally. Just having one of those days where everything is overwhelming and my mind keeps trailing off mid-sentence or mid-thought. I can tell my boss is annoyed with me because she keeps having to correct what I'm doing. And then I was reprimanded for doing too much (really). I don't understand all these office nuances and politics, and it doesn't make any sense. I'm almost to the point of coming out of my aspie-closet to just my immediate supervisor so she at least knows why I have hard days. I can't wait to go home and have a hug!
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Here's a big hug for you *HUG*. I think it could be a good thing coming out to your supervisor, at least then she may be able to understand why some days are harder then others for you and why on a bad day your work may have errors.
 
OK this is going to be very multi-level post.

First: We are all glad you decided to stay Rolo and that Its too bad you were so stressed that you ended up having stress related health stuff happening well keep us posted on your health. Hugs.

Second: I am sorry to hear you ahve such a rough time Cerulean maybe it is a good idea to tell you immediate supervisor its probably a good thing That way she can know and maybe won't get as annoyed.

Third: Kelly I am so glad that the OT and everything with your daughter seems to be going better. It sounds like things are finally getting listened to. I am so happy that she is getting assessed. Whoot.

Finally as for me: I had a horrid night. It was all right until my ex-friend who is supposed to be on vacation came in with the girl who I don't like who is living with them right now and were giving me looks and trying to get me to talk to them (this i Know is because they want something to spread around behind my back). Now I was dealing with that....then out of no where I had a customer that i was working with for 45minutes and nothing I did made her happy I called three stores for her. I tried to make things good and she didn't speak good English I tried to explain and she was getting pissed and while I have a lot of patience I got tired of explaining the same thing over and over and not getting anywhere i just wanted her to go so I meltedown I don't normally do that. I seriously had a massive meltdown I cried for almost a half and hour I cried so hard that I popped a blood vessel in my eye I had a panic attack about getting in trouble. I am doing better as I am home now...and tomorrow is another day. But geez I am soo exhausted. So tense and unsure.
 
I hope you are feeling better today Arashi! It sounds as though you had a dreadful time.

I made it to school after a two day drive. I waved to Cerulean while passing through Indiana, to Loomis while passing by Chicago, and to Gomendosi just because. I have come down with a miserable cold though, and feel mopey. I can rest for a couple of hours before having to attend a small reception, which isn't nearly as fancy as it sounds.
 
Ta for the wave, giving everyone a cold isn't all that auspicious a start to your schooling, hope you feel better before classes start at least ; ]
 
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