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The Circle

Alpaca said:
I told my best friend (bruthafromothamotha) about my condition today. I think he honestly understands because he knows me better than most, but it still is a lot to grasp. I just hope it helps people understand me more. Maybe, his being Bi-polar makes it easier for him as well. This is the friend that, for whatever reason, I opened up to back in high school. Our beliefs on how people should treat each other and what a real "man" should be like are what we hit it off on. Because of him (and a few punk rockers along the way) I was able to become more comfortable opening up to people and really learned how to express my emotions. Basically the only non-family male that I've ever told that I love.

p.s. is it wrong that I set people up to make them believe I'm gonna be "coming out of the closet" about gayness to kinda.....mess with them? I do it because deep inside I'm actually a ****-headed smart-ass and many people have accused me of being gay. (Not that I have a problem with the gay community. I actually like them as people and sympathize with them because they too are born different and treated as such. plus, I appreciate the symmetry in their clothing style.)
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Actually it makes a lot of sense. One of my new friends has bi-polar and ADHD and she seems to understand me a lot. She just takes the punches as they come metaphorically speaking. So it makes sense what you are saying. She was one of the first people that I actually told because I wanted to tell them not because I felt like I needed to or had to in order to keep a friendship like I have in the past. So what you are saying I get that. I am really happy that you were able to do that.

As to my day...sigh...it was fine. Nothing spectacular by any means. I worked...people sucked...if I get told how to do my job by a customer one more time I might scream. its like oh you need a calculator for that are you stupid? I am like I want it done right...ugh...sometimes I get that customers have their things but they need to remember that we're human too. Ok I am done ranting now.
 
Harpuia said:
Tomorrow for me is going to be the big initial consultation regarding the neuropsych test. Nervous.
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Awww well I hope it went well today. I hope that you weren't too nervous and everything went swimmingly (not that you're a fish of course). Anyway. I wish you luck in the results.

As to my day...sigh it was ****. I had a customer make me cry. He started screaming at me and I just don't do screaming at. I shut down I had to have someone take over for me so I could hide in the bathroom I actually kicked the clean team guy out of the girls bathroom so I could cry alone. He was sweet he offered me a hug I declined but I just...I am all wonky now. All freaked out because he was screaming at me. I just have this nagging feeling I am gonna get in trouble but I know I won't because everyone else was like he's in the wrong. But its still there just because he was screaming at me...I just I can't shake the screaming.
 
Arashi...I know it's easier said than done...but I'm gonna share a bit of wisdom that I came across, during my years of traversing this bluegreen ball of water and mud-

**** 'um (pardon my language)

If they want to be a jerk. If they want to treat you like dirt because you're different. Then **** 'um.
They're not worth beating yourself up over. You are a kind, compassionate person. I hold you and all of my fellow Aspies in high regards and it kills me to hear about your troubles. If they can't see what their actions do to you...then **** 'um. Let them wallow in their mediocre lives, devoid of passion. Devoid of understanding. WE will be okay in the end.

And just remember..you are beautiful. ;)
 
Bay said:
Poor thing. What a nightmare for you. I hope that you are feeling better today!
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Alpaca said:
Arashi...I know it's easier said than done...but I'm gonna share a bit of wisdom that I came across, during my years of traversing this bluegreen ball of water and mud-

**** 'um (pardon my language)

If they want to be a jerk. If they want to treat you like dirt because you're different. Then **** 'um.
They're not worth beating yourself up over. You are a kind, compassionate person. I hold you and all of my fellow Aspies in high regards and it kills me to hear about your troubles. If they can't see what their actions do to you...then **** 'um. Let them wallow in their mediocre lives, devoid of passion. Devoid of understanding. WE will be okay in the end.

And just remember..you are beautiful. ;)
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Thanks for the support guys. It was horrid. But I am much better today. I don't work today so I am just gonna relax and take dollie pics as promised. Finally some time to take pics of Ally in her new dress. I am really glad I am here. You guys have all everyone here has helped make it better. I love working but sometimes...I just can't handle people screaming at me. Its an involuntary reaction to start to cry for me.

Thanks Alpaca for calling me beautiful...
Bay thanks for your concern.

You guys are so nice to me. I appreciate it. Thanks!!!!!!:)
 
some people make me physically sick, unfortunately I can't always avoid talking to them.... I guess I can look at this all as at a learning experience.
 
Weird thing happened. After that unpleasant conversation and me saying about getting sick I actually got sick unexpectedly :)
.... and I can't look at my face on the avatar's place anymore, I think I'll replace it tomorrow, at least on AS. :)
 
epath13 said:
Weird thing happened. After that unpleasant conversation and me saying about getting sick I actually got sick unexpectedly :)
.... and I can't look at my face on the avatar's place anymore, I think I'll replace it tomorrow, at least on AS. :)
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Ohhh...I'm sorry to hear that. I hope you feel a lot better soon. :)
 
This massive athletic looking guy played in my second game of laser tag. I was up by a lil bit early but he started closing the gap in those final minutes. I hung on by one kill. 28-27.

The streak lives on! 7 wins in a row!
 
Arashi222 said:
Ohhh...I'm sorry to hear that. I hope you feel a lot better soon. :)
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Thanks, feeling a little better today, meds kicked in :) need to stop paying attention to negativity of others. On mental level I might say to myself, "it's fine", on physical it's like they're sending an army of angry snakes or something to bite and poison my blood :)
 
epath13 said:
Thanks, feeling a little better today, meds kicked in :) need to stop paying attention to negativity of others. On mental level I might say to myself, "it's fine", on physical it's like they're sending an army of angry snakes or something to bite and poison my blood :)
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I think understand (I usually don't). I'd never be able to take meds because I'd be too afraid of what they'd do to my body over a long period of time...that and my addictive personality :wacko:
 
Basically I hate my life right now. I hate Asperger's. I hate the world.

I've decided that I'm gonna write my parents and tell them how much I resent them for how they treated me growing up- ignoring me, emotional neglect, lack of support in any form what-so-ever while also being expected to pander to their emotional needs. I was basically sent adrift, blamed for my problems and then chastised for not wanting to be around them. That's literally why I put the Continental divide between them and me.

I keep telling myself that if I stay positive and keep moving forward, things will get better. They are to a point, but my soul is in agony as of late and I feel like I'm sliding back into the mud.
 
Sorry about the above post ya'll. I was having a bad day and it wasn't really appropriate.

Today is better. It's strange how the littlest things can either make or break your day.
BTW I didn't send the letter (thank God!) due to my policy of writing letters/emails/messages and then walking away for a few hours, then I decide if I need to tweak it, send it or erase it. I erased it.
 
Alpaca said:
Sorry about the above post ya'll. I was having a bad day and it wasn't really appropriate.

Today is better. It's strange how the littlest things can either make or break your day.
BTW I didn't send the letter (thank God!) due to my policy of writing letters/emails/messages and then walking away for a few hours, then I decide if I need to tweak it, send it or erase it. I erased it.
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Well I am so glad that you are feeling better. Its probably a good thing that you thought about it for awhile before sending anything I tend to be a bit more rash. So I am glad that you are having a much better day today Alpaca. It sucks when the crap hits the fan and you feel like you are sliding but I am glad that you are doing better. We all get bad days its amazing you're right at what makes or breaks a day for us. I got lucky today too. My new friend came and visited me at work. I had an old friend that appeared there too but not intentionally. So...I am glad that today has been good. I hope tomorrow is just as good.:)
 
I've been absent from here for a few days, or a week or something, can't remember when I last posted. Anyway I was in one of my I don't know what to call it.... I socialise online (so emails, forums etc) alot and then kind of burnout and can't cope with it for a couple of days or weeks.

Then I went on a short break (Friday-today) to visit my family in Liverpool...I hate going there it's soooo draining and Kyoko is totally wiped out from it(as soon as we got home she went to bed and has been there for 3 hours), it was too much for her this time and she ended up arguing with her cousin almost constantly (she also had a major meltdown in the supermarket on Saturday). I also heard some disgusting things about my brother and his gf's parenting skills(or lack thereof) and I wish my neice didn't have to live with them but I can't really do anything, but to sum it up they are totally screwing her head up and making her utterly miserable.

Then my dad was being all weird and quiet towards us and then he had a bit of a go at me because we left early today (I couldn't take it anymore) he asked yesterday what time we were leaving today I said probably very early about 8am and he said "Oh I probably won't see you then but I'll try and make it"...so how am I supposed to interpret that as wait for him to turn up. He called me at 8.30 sounding angry asking where I was and why didn't I wait and I said we were on the motorway on the way home and he was being really weird asking exactly where on the motorway and being really doubtful about us getting that far so fast.

I'm so glad to be home and that we don't have to do that for another few months, tomorrow we're going to finish setting up the viv and then Thursday we are picking the snakes up Yay :)
 
Welcome back, Kelly. It sounds like a trying trip. It was good of you to make the effort to spend time with your family. I don't think there is a family in the world that doesn't have its issues!

I've been gone for a few days myself, only mine was only a mental absence. I just didn't have a thing to say, although I kept up with reading the posts, more or less. I am feeling a bit less absent now.
 
Ugh my day was a total distaster I mean once I got to work everything was mostly normal. But everything went wonky with my schedule when i got up. First my mom didn't come home for lunch though she said she might not be coming home so I knew that was a possiblity then I get to the bus stop early right like 10 minutes my normal. I call metrotranist find out the bus hasn't even left this one place yet...I was like seriously? it was twenty minutes late getting to me I missed my bus to catch at the Mall then had to catch the other bus...yah then By that time it was also twenty minutes late so I competly missed my connecting bus to work my boss what a great lady came and got me from the bus stop. I was crying the entire ride to work because I was so upset that i was gonna be late. I was only 2minutes late but I hate being late. I am never late (to the point where they tell people be more like her) so yah. I had a terrible start to my day. I was crying when I got to work. But once I got to work I heard that one person called in, but lucky the new kid actually worked at another store that is very similar to ours so he was good to go. But ugh!
 
I just got my diagnosis and it is as I suspected, I have Asperger Syndrome. As it was described to me, the test threshold is 65 and my score was 165. Also, my ADHD is more severe than I realized, so will continue meds for that.

So the good news is that I'm not crazy, just autistic! :cute:
 
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