The Circle

[2010Dolby]

Anxiety is flaring up about work and college.

I don't take anxiety pills though, I just work on my Firebird and truck instead so I'm being unusually productive.

 

[Alpaca]

Anxiety is flaring up about work and college.

I don't take anxiety pills though, I just work on my Firebird and truck instead so I'm being unusually productive.

That's why I run, lol

So I'm way overthinking this whole, dating this girl thing. We were texting last night while she was at work, before I went to work, and then she just didn't respond to my last text...See what I mean...then my mind grabs ahold of the problem and I get way anxious about it.

I then realize that she may be peeved (tho not sure) cause I probably should have swung by and said what up, since I had the time and all...especially because this all came after I wrote her a letter telling her how I feel about her (that's when I asked her out too)...

So now..I'm in one of those moods...hoping she texts me back..

Boy do I feel pathetic atm....

 

[Bay]

If she was texting you after you asked her out, then it is likely that everything is fine. Swinging by to say hello will let you know, and she is likely to be pleased to see you.

 

[Arashi222]

First of All Way to go Bay. I am happy for you. It must be a bit of weight off the shoulders.

As to my day. It was busy...crazy busy. But overall it was fine. I am feeling a bit jealous at the moment of my ex-friend. I just want to tell the new girl not to trust her not to get near her because she'll stab you in the back. But I didn't I held my tongue. I am unsure I was getting annoyed with my one co-worker today too. Because I kept saying don't put me on register 6. I don't like being on that side (for a really good reason which she knows about) she was like oh it doesn't matter you need to be over there. I'm like no I don't I can go on this register until later or whatever...Plus They were all talking today and I just was about ready to flip out. I just wanted to scream stop talking to her(my ex-friend) because she's gonna pretend to be nice to you get you to trust her and then twist the knife in your back. As I am the only one ringing when I should have been off by that point. My mom was waiting for me...I was sooo annoyed. But for the most part it was good day.

 

[Alpaca]

The sun is shining, but it feels like rain. I only lie about how I feel. It helps to cover the pain. Alone in a world, surrounded by people. Hoping that someday, someone will see thru.

I hide my tears, your judgement nears. Your words mirror my irrational fears.
Lost, confused, forgotten and abused. Cast aside when I'm done being used.
I no longer can trust , My thoughts are clouded by this insufferable rust.

Tell me that it's going to be okay, as you all slink away. **** this game that ya'll like to play, **** your night and **** your day. All I want is to really be loved. To fit in, like a hand that's gloved. To feel a person's warm embrace, so that for once I can feel like the ace.

To those who have loved me, I love you. To those who don't understand me, ask me and I will explain. To those I pushed away, I'm sorry, I miss you. To those who abandoned me...**** you.

For those wondering- I have what's known as a "Pervasive Developmental Disorder-Not otherwise specified with heavy Asperger's syndrome leanings"... Basically my brain is wired differently than yours. I've had to spend my entire life trying to learn how to socialize correctly. I can't read non-verbal language (body, facial etc), I can't "read between the lines", I have no clue how to get into a healthy relationship (that's why I'm always single, so all you who have accused me of being gay can **** off as well) and my brain never stops moving long enough to find serenity. Like those who are color blind, I am socially blind...

But don't worry about me, I shall overcome, as I have always done. I will never Plateau, for my aim is the sun and My story has just begun.


Signed,
Alpaca

(My last post on Facebook. Considering running off to join a Buddhist monastery or something. Just not feeling the whole people thing atm)

 

[Arashi222]

So I seem to be getting stress migraines again. It happens...plus the weather here has been just too hot too rainy or too something as of late which never helps. However, my work life seems to be fine, busy, customers are evil like always...actually LP caught two different sets of shoplifters today that always adds to the excitement. My day was fine. I am almost done with my most current book selection Kiss the Dead. A lovely book if I say so my self...but I think...well I don't know yet what I think about it but its a fine book.

I am hanging out tomorrow again with my new friends its becoming an almost weekly thing and while I am happy about that...I am also scared. I don't know...I can't seem to let go of all my trust issues with these two...they seem nice enough. They promise not to be like the others...but of course I am scared. I don't know how many more times my heart can take being broken like that. I know I get attached to people quickly and this time I am being all ice queen like and not sharing my emotions as much as I had right away with my old friends. But it worries me that I am being to closed about things. Though they haven't done anything that actually bothers me as of yet. I am sure I will have fun but I am pondering how I am going to move forward and still be wary.

 

[Kelly]

Arashi - Just take it slow, I'm sure if they are genuine caring people they will understand why your a bit wary of opening up to them. Do your new friends know everything that went on with your ex-friends? If so then I'm sure they understand why your a bit cold towards them(do they know about your AS?), anyway I hope you have fun

Our snakes are sooo timid, I sent the reptile shop an email asking for some advice just explaining that whenever we try and get them out they run(well slither) away and that I don't want to scare them too much, but it's feeding day today and they HAVE to come out of the vivarium and into their feeding tubs. Their advice...just grab them, the more you pick them up the more they will understand it's nothing to be scared of. So I decided to just go for it and my husband was so nervous he was shaking, he was worried about getting bit, not the pain just the shock of it(I think he's still a little nervous, up until a year and half ago he had quite a bad snake phobia).

So the lavender (who has been named Tokyo because my husband didn't see the point in names so he let Kyoko name it so she said Tokyo because that's japanese) who is the more timid of the two was inside the skull so I just grabbed the skull and plonked it down on my husband's large hands, initially it was frightened and wouldn't come out but after 10 minutes it started poking it's head out and came onto my hand. It quickly tried to get back to the viv (we were sat right next to it) but we kept putting our hands out for it to crawl on without actually getting any further(so like a treadmill of hands) before finally letting it back in the vivarium.

So then we had to try and get Yuki out, she(I don't know if it is female but she's pink and white and yuki is a girls name so..) wouldn't move from the back of the vivarium under the plants so I sat with the door slightly open and waited, she didn't move. So I closed the door we played on the xbox in the dark and waited until she was more relaxed and active(they are nocturnal). I noticed she was doing her usual sliding up the walls/glass doors so I quickly moved over to the viv and slid the door open a tiny bit. She was apprehensive at first flicking her tongue at me and then she must have realised the door was open, she avoided my hand and slid up and around the side of the viv slowly at first and then she just picked up speed and tried to escape. So I had to yank her off the side of the viv before she got away and I let her slide in and out of my fingers for a few minutes before I put her back.

So hopefully now they realise being held doesn't mean death or pain or anything and tonight should be easier, we HAVE to get them out though so even if we end up taking all the decor out of the viv we must get them out to feed them. I'll have to upload a photo of Yuki soon, I've managed to get a few rough pics on my phone of her, I don't want to use the camera just yet incase the flash scares them.

 

[Kelly]

Just uploaded the pics, here is Yuki;

Sorry they are so dark but it was on my phone and the lights were turned down low.

 

[Bay]

They are really pretty!

 

[Arashi222]

Arashi - Just take it slow, I'm sure if they are genuine caring people they will understand why your a bit wary of opening up to them. Do your new friends know everything that went on with your ex-friends? If so then I'm sure they understand why your a bit cold towards them(do they know about your AS?), anyway I hope you have fun

Thanks for the confidence it was fun. My one friend took a pic of my dollies the character that I am having to work on again because of what happened with ex-friends. Yes they know everything that happened between my ex-friends and me. They also a new for me was that I actually told them right away about my AS and gave them a 3page little thing on AS and things that can bug me. But they have been very understanding. Though I thought my other friends were understanding and all that stuffs. But thanks Kelly. It was fun. We didn't really do anything.

I love your snakes too. They are nice...I like them in the Viv. That is nifty little skull there.

 

[Harpuia]

Blew $20 on blackjack. First time I played since my 21st birthday.

Lost 7 straight hands @ $2 each. Pushed twice in a row. Lost 3 straight. Seriously.

Beat my terrible luck. This is common for me.

 

[Arashi222]

so... my day started off fine and went down hill from there. First my bus was late by 21minutes. My grandpa had to come get me from the bus stop corner lucky I wasn't late to work.. then they made me start early...someone then broke one of our tills which is really bad when busy. So i gethome thinking things are gonna get better. Sit relax read chat onhere...my good friend from work gets online after i dont answer the phone and tells me that her sig other is suicidal. So i amfreaking out trying my best toget them to call the police. They don't want to he's probably goingtobe fine. But he startsyelling at me that i need to come over in peerson an fix it. Stressful. I will let you all know how it turns oht tomrrow. But on the bright side i finsished my newest book. Have tomorrow off from work. Gonna hang out with my mom.

 

[Bay]

That sounds pretty stressful, Arashi.

I have finished an intense four day course and am taking a day off of the two day drive home. Luckily I have relatives who live halfway.

 

[Arashi222]

Hey Bay: I am glad you have relatives that are half way...its nice to just take a break sometimes and let it all out. I hope you had some fun though on your trip.

My current update on the situation is that my co-worker friend whose significant other was suicidal last night everyone refused to call the police. I tried but they told me after dragging me into it because I am a social worker that they didn't want my advice because they didn't want to do my suggestions because they never keep him at hte hospital. Sigh...so needless to say He told me he didn't have a plan or anything I did all my checking and stuff and they never called me back...which I get the feeling that I am kinda the unwanted one now because I couldn't just come over and fix it for him. Which I feel bad about but I had to remind them that I was not his therapist. So all in all my day was fine today still a bit worried but I hung out with my mom all day (she wasn't feeling well food poisoning).

 

[Kelly]

My internet keeps going off, I get about 5 seconds of connection and then off again. I phoned the company up and the guy spoke to me like I was an idiot...have you tried changing the filter...uhm yeah...tried switching channels..yes....have you tried turning your router on and then off again...seriously? ARRRRGHH. I told him to just send me a new router because this one is about 5 years old and has been slowly screwing up over the past couple of months...but noooooo he can't do that, there is one more thing I MUST try first. So he wants me to unscrew the phone line box and use the tester port underneath the casing...ugh just send me a new router already!

In happier news my little girls party on Saturday was amazing in her words..... BEST.PARTY.EVER. She had her makeover and photoshoot(all her friends had one too), then they did build a bear, fairy wish pots, adopt a fairy, made a bracelet, fairy dust, dancing, singing, a treasure hunt, it was just perfect. I'm still waiting for the professional pics but here's one I took of her that I love;

The head fairy told them that the little stars she gave them would glow and tingle at night if their baby fairy was going to come and visit so I came up with a little plan. That night when she was asleep I sprinkled a trail of rainbow glitter from her window down to a tiny teapot and cup she'd left out for the fairy to have a drink and then a trail up to her bed and moved the star she was clutching on to over to the window. The next day(sunday) she came running in squealing with delight that the fairy had been and showed me the trail but then she wondered if she would come every night. So another plan, I cut out a tiny bit of paper(about an inch squared) that night and wrote her a letter in teeny tiny writing from her fairy to say she couldn't come every night because she was busy making fairy dust and teddy bears but that she would come on special nights like birthdays. We had another morning of squealing and smiles because her fairy had written her a letter, my next idea is showing her a picture in a few weeks of what I think might be her fairy in the garden (thanks to photoshop) she will be so surprised

 

[Justme]

That is magical ! I love fairies too in fact I was married as a flower fairy and my bridesmaids were fairies too ! It was such fun because very few of the wedding guests knew what we were dressing as and when I walked up the aisle there was a gentle wave of laughter as people realised what we were - it was amazing! My wings were 5 feet !
It makes me happy to think you are giving your daughter such a fantasy - too many children are made to grow up too fast x

 

[Bay]

Kelly, you are an amazing mother!

We had terrible storms a couple of night's ago, and have had no power since. It is VERY inconvenient--all the food in the fridge must be thrown out, no wifi (sob), but the worst part is that the temperatures have been over 100 (38C) for days. It is too hot to sleep, too hot to think, too hot to move. Tonight we have given up hope that the power will come back any time soon and are staying wih the in laws a few miles away. Finally, Internet access! Crews are working through the night to get the power back but there are still over 700,000 homes without electricity and we live in a more rural area, so I think we are looking at another 48 hours, perhaps.

 

[Arashi222]

Kelly first of all you are amazing and your daughter is totally adorable. I would have reacted the same way. Plus fairies are freaking cool. So you're party was a success. I am so happy for you...

As to Bay oh my that is terrible storms are yucky. I didn't realize you were in the storm place on the weather. I am glad you guys are ok though.

I am doing much better now that AC is back. I started two groups here on AC one for people who like dolls and collectibles from childhood and another about writing which I am really glad about. I tried something new which is hard for me. I am sooo not looking forward to tomorrow because its gonna super super hot. I might see if my grandpa can take me to work I don't want to walk to the bus stop in this crap. Plus my mom is a bit upset with me for over spending on my credit card and threatened to take it away from me. Sigh its not even hers its mine and in my name. But Yah...otherwise its been fine.

 

[2010Dolby]

I bought a new drill-gun and now I'm cooking bacon.

I don't see how life could get any better than that.

 

[Cerulean]

My sympathies to anyone who doesn't have air conditioning right now. I'm also in a 100+ degree place and it is no fun. Last week when it was 105 I went down to the river and just sat in it. Cooled me right down.

I came in early to work today to help my boss with something and she was irritated the second I walked in. It's making me a little anxious about the rest of the week, even though we have Wednesday off and hardly anyone else is in here anyway. I may be hiding from reality by lurking on this forum a bit more than usual
*squeezes stress ball