Things that sabotaged me in terms of romance and more

[Markness]

Most of this seems to be in the past. What are you doing about any of it in the present?

I feel like I either can’t do certain things due to:
1) Lack of finances.
2) Lack of good social connections.

Or I’ve exhausted what I can do and I’ve aged out of opportunities.

 

[Jeff T]

"Or I’ve exhausted what I can do and I’ve aged out of opportunities."

People get married in their 60s.

"Things that sabotaged me in terms of romance and more"

I've read your missives for quite awhile now, and while 'things' can interfere with a future relationship;

It appears that your mental outlook is sabotaging you the most?

I'm curious if talking to a relationship coach / therapist may be of some help?

​

 

[Markness]

I've read your missives for quite awhile now, and while 'things' can interfere with a future relationship;

It appears that your mental outlook is sabotaging you the most?

I'm curious if talking to a relationship coach / therapist may be of some help?

It’s a difficult pill to swallow but I acknowledge it.

I’ve been in therapy for many years now. The biggest ongoing issues for me, besides my perception, are how social opportunities feel fleeting and my interactions with people can start off good but then fizzle out.

 

[Steelbookcollector217]

yeah, one of the users on here, mentioned a guy, man, i think it was her uncle or brother, that he never had a girlfriend until his early 40s, i think 43, i have mixed emotions on that, at the same time, yes its another reminder on how cruel nature and reality can be, yes life isn't fair, but at the same time, people think thats a good thing.

Even though a woman on tiktok proved otherwise, its still upsetting to think about

 

[Markness]

I thought someone else quoted my Tuesday message and replied to it. I must’ve dreamed it instead.

 

[tree]

I thought someone else quoted my Tuesday message and replied to it. I must’ve dreamed it instead.

Did the dream reply have anything novel, interesting, or useful in it?

 

[Markness]

Did the dream reply have anything novel, interesting, or useful in it?

I wish I could say so. Apparently the reply was that it’s all my fault.

 

[Misty Avich]

yeah, one of the users on here, mentioned a guy, man, i think it was her uncle or brother, that he never had a girlfriend until his early 40s, i think 43, i have mixed emotions on that, at the same time, yes its another reminder on how cruel nature and reality can be, yes life isn't fair, but at the same time, people think thats a good thing.

Even though a woman on tiktok proved otherwise, its still upsetting to think about

Like we've said before, yes there are women out there that struggle with dating, but it's far more common in men. I myself was once a lonely woman pining for a date and thought it would never happen. But that still doesn't invalidate the fact that more men (especially ND) have it harder. I feel for you guys.

 

[Tony Ramirez]

It's downright impossible for men on the autism spectrum. I burned out these past 5 1/2 years, so bad. I have worse mental and physical health, an addiction to pornography, a fear/incel for women and I now use profanity for someone who hates hearing and seeing it.

 

[Steelbookcollector217]

Like we've said before, yes there are women out there that struggle with dating, but it's far more common in men. I myself was once a lonely woman pining for a date and thought it would never happen. But that still doesn't invalidate the fact that more men (especially ND) have it harder. I feel for you guys.

yeah, its more enraging whenever people say this about guys men, they will say, "yes it is much harder for men, but at the same time, more rewarding"., or they will say "so what?".

At the same time, it causes me to have some empathy, i think from an evolutionary perspective, its meant to be harder for men than for women because women are the gender that pay the higher risk sex/reproduction wise.

 

[Steelbookcollector217]

Like we've said before, yes there are women out there that struggle with dating, but it's far more common in men. I myself was once a lonely woman pining for a date and thought it would never happen. But that still doesn't invalidate the fact that more men (especially ND) have it harder. I feel for you guys.

yeah, thats what has led me to develop the mindset, mentality, that women are the only gender that are owed a relationship, even though people and society will commonly say that the world owes us nothing, but since men have a higher rate than women do at being forever alone, forever single, that evidence or proof gives off the feeling that women are the only gender that are guaranteed or almost guaranteed a chance, opportunity at being in a relationship.

 

[Markness]

The thought that because I still don’t date at 36 means I never will keeps eating at me. I just can’t not think about romance because I get so reminders of what others have that I don’t.

Is it still possible for me to meet a partner at my age despite lack of success in my past?

 

[Misty Avich]

The thought that because I still don’t date at 36 means I never will keeps eating at me. I just can’t not think about romance because I get so reminders of what others have that I don’t.

I understand that. Reminders can hurt more than the issue itself.

Is it still possible for me to meet a partner at my age despite lack of success in my past?

Yes, I promise it is possible.

 

[Tony Ramirez]

Not for me 47M FA. No success. Sorry to sidetrack.

 

[Steelbookcollector217]

The thought that because I still don’t date at 36 means I never will keeps eating at me. I just can’t not think about romance because I get so reminders of what others have that I don’t.

Is it still possible for me to meet a partner at my age despite lack of success in my past?

you don't have to discuss this if you're not comfortable Mark, i forgot, are you saying that you also have never been in a relationship before, never dated? If so, i'm sorry to heart that and at the same time, its another reminder of what just comes with the territory

 

[Markness]

you don't have to discuss this if you're not comfortable Mark, i forgot, are you saying that you also have never been in a relationship before, never dated? If so, i'm sorry to heart that and at the same time, its another reminder of what just comes with the territory

I have had one actual relationship that was short lived. I often worry if that was my only opportunity for a loving partner.

 

[tree]

So…How Do Adults Make New Friends?

 

[Steelbookcollector217]

I understand that. Reminders can hurt more than the issue itself.

Yes, I promise it is possible.

some people i've spoken to about this, who don't get into their first relationship until late in life, or just not first serious significant one, high quality relationship one, late in life, they say it feels like both a loss and a win at the same time, its long and difficult to explain.

 

[Steelbookcollector217]

I have had one actual relationship that was short lived. I often worry if that was my only opportunity for a loving partner.

the closest thing i feel i ever had to a GF, was a situationship i had with a woman back in 2017, when i was 29, i met her through online dating, we never got serious in which we introduced each other to our families, parents, but i never got a second date with a woman until i met her, and she had no issues or problems with sex/intimacy like the next woman i got involved with, thinking about her makes me angry.

At the same time, i know i'm a broken record when i mention this, but i stayed in that unsatisfying relationship longer than i should have, i was reluctant to break up with her for a while because i didn't want to become alone again, and also, don't want to court, lead, approach, all over again.

I'm sure a lot of men think this way in their perspective, once they do meet someone, they think that a huge chip has been lifted off their shoulders, i don't have to go through the drama or burden of courtship and seduction anymore.

Yeah, unfortuneately i've seen other men on social media besides Tony, reaching 30+, even middle-aged or above and still have never been in a relationship before, i'm glad Misty even agrees that men have it harder, at the same time.

Its another reminder of the double-standard, that is, if a guy is angry or upset, complains, hate the way things are, he is labeled, a whiner or a baby, immature, but if a woman complains or whines or upsets about something she doesn't like, she is more likely to get sympathy and people understanding her.

Another reminder, this is harsh truth for men:

"Your parents might care about what you do with your life. Maybe your siblings and other family members too.

But, other than that, no-one truly cares about you.

That’s especially true for men. Women and children are valued just for existing. Men are only valued for what they contribute to the world. Unless you provide value, only a handful of people will give a damn about you."

 

[Tony Ramirez]

Yeah, unfortuneately i've seen other men on social media besides Tony, reaching 30+, even middle-aged or above and still have never been in a relationship before, i'm glad Misty even agrees that men have it harder, at the same time.

I want to give up looking and I try, try, try but just walking out my door I see my neighbors some married with kids and couples and platonic's everywhere. Then I don't even have to even look online and I see couples and platonic there too even in movies and TV shows so it's kinda hard to stop looking, but it still be depressed after busting my ass for five and a half years. Still can't even get a single girl to even hang out with me solo as a friend without looking as a threat or a creep or hearing that it's not safe like I'm gonna to grope her leg or something.