Unsolicited comments (of any sort)

[Judge]

I think I was harassed before I started wearing the pins (like at my old store, where I wore my uniform with no personal decoration), and sometimes my harasser is behind me or otherwise not able to see the pins clearly, so I don't think so.

Once I did take them off because I suspected they were the reason kids were staring at me, but kids stare at me even with them off.

In the case of guys, maybe they contribute to the "cute" factor. But as I said, all that is highly subjective as to how people may react to such things. For me though...who doesn't like Disney? Might even make someone like me smile.

 

[umbrellabeach]

In the case of guys, maybe they contribute to the "cute" factor. But as I said, all that is highly subjective as to how people may react to such things. For me though...who doesn't like Disney? Might even make someone like me smile.

Maybe, but if guys like my pins, they should just... say they like them, instead of teasing me. If they think they're cute, they should come out and say it. I wouldn't mind that.

 

[Judge]

Maybe, but if guys like my pins, they should just... say they like them, instead of teasing me. I wouldn't mind that.

Exactly. I could see myself commenting about the pins perhaps...but never tease you just to make up an excuse to talk to you. That's lame and unkind!

 

[umbrellabeach]

Exactly. I could see myself commenting about the pins perhaps...but never tease you just to make up an excuse to talk to you. That's lame and unkind!

Besides, people who tease me just for my attention will lose my attention. If I don't lash out at them (which I'm afraid to do at work for fear of losing my job), I'll ignore them. Their efforts are totally counterproductive.

 

[Maelstrom]

Besides, people who tease me just for my attention will lose my attention. If I don't lash out at them (which I'm afraid to do at work for fear of losing my job), I'll ignore them. Their efforts are totally counterproductive.

I don't know what to say umbrellabeach ,on the one hand I understand the aspie leave me alone thing some aggressive personalities feel to me like I just walked face first into a spider web with a big fat hairy spider on it.....the whole world starts to tip off center a bit.

But I have learned to make NT friends using the water testing opener comments and jokes....so I see the other side of the issue to. I try to respect peoples wishes....but without a test conversation or 2 it is hard to know what another person is like. Most guys are not just going to walk up to a girl and say they like them either. Quite a few girls lost my interest when they reacted negatively to my first conversation attempts...some who tried to get dates later from me but didn't.

Everyone has a right to be left alone...but not being friendly can cost in life too....it isn't easy balancing safety and mental tranquility against friendship and popularity needed sometimes to do well in life.

 

[umbrellabeach]

I don't know what to say umbrellabeach ,on the one hand I understand the aspie leave me alone thing some aggressive personalities feel to me like I just walked face first into a spider web with a big fat hairy spider on it.....the whole world starts to tip off center a bit.

But I have learned to make NT friends using the water testing opener comments and jokes....so I see the other side of the issue to. I try to respect peoples wishes....but without a test conversation or 2 it is hard to know what another person is like. Most guys are not just going to walk up to a girl and say they like them either. Quite a few girls lost my interest when they reacted negatively to my first conversation attempts...some who tried to get dates later from me but didn't.

Everyone has a right to be left alone...but not being friendly can cost in life too....it isn't easy balancing safety and mental tranquility against friendship and popularity needed sometimes to do well in life.

I understand that (somewhat), but these people teasing me about my task or appearance is outright rude. I've even talked to NTs about this and they agree that it's appalling to just walk up to someone and start teasing them.
Really, these people aren't even trying to make friends with me.

 

[Rayner]

One of the worst parts about being male, is that other males make complete jerks of themselves. Females then think that all males are jerks. Because for every Male that's not a jerk there's about 25 that are.

I'll take your word for it.

 

[umbrellabeach]

One of the worst parts about being male, is that other males make complete jerks of themselves. Females then think that all males are jerks. Because for every Male that's not a jerk there's about 25 that are.

And there are just as many female jerks as male. I know a few of them from work.

 

[Judge]

I understand that (somewhat), but these people teasing me about my task or appearance is outright rude. I've even talked to NTs about this and they agree that it's appalling to just walk up to someone and start teasing them.
Really, these people aren't even trying to make friends with me.

Sadly it would all make perfect sense if everyone around you were about eleven years old.

What would be the odds of being surrounded by so many immature adults?

 

[umbrellabeach]

Sadly it would all make perfect sense if everyone around you were about eleven years old.

What would be the odds of being surrounded by so many immature adults?

They're everywhere (they were in MN too, otherwise we'd probably still live there tbh), and I guess I attract them.

 

[Judge]

They're everywhere (they were in MN too, otherwise we'd probably still live there tbh), and I guess I attract them.

I suppose working so many years in corporate insurance made for a pretty somber- and political workplace. Yet I also worked in entertainment software in Silicon Valley. Lots of Aspies all around me. But nice people for the most part.

I think the only work environment that seemed overtly hostile to me was when I worked as a delivery driver and warehouseman.

 

[umbrellabeach]

I suppose working so many years in corporate insurance made for a pretty somber- and political workplace. Yet I also worked in entertainment software in Silicon Valley. Lots of Aspies all around me. But nice people for the most part.

I think the only work environment that seemed overtly hostile to me was when I worked as a delivery driver and warehouseman.

I was wondering what jobs you'd had in your life to be so surprised to hear about my experiences. I don't suppose you ever worked retail, then. It's the worst. And I say that with it being my only source of work experience besides volunteering in libraries now and then.

 

[Judge]

I was wondering what jobs you'd had in your life to be so surprised to hear about my experiences. I don't suppose you ever worked retail, then. It's the worst. And I say that with it being my only source of work experience besides volunteering in libraries now and then.

I worked retail to supplement my college costs...but it was only part time. Back then in a very small hobby shop I actually had to write out the invoices by hand! But most of the time the clientele was pretty reasonable because they were happy to be there to get their hobby "fix".

Of course working in insurance had its own social challenges given internal and external customers. But no teasing or abusive behavior. However my job slowly evolved into more of a marketing position over time, and I'm NOT a "people-person".

 

[Rayner]

True very true. Sigh.

And there are just as many female jerks as male. I know a few of them from work.

 

[umbrellabeach]

I worked retail to supplement my college costs...but it was only part time. Back then in a very small hobby shop I actually had to write out the invoices by hand! But most of the time the clientele was pretty reasonable because they were happy to be there to get their hobby "fix".

Of course working in insurance had its own social challenges given internal and external customers. But no teasing or abusive behavior. However my job slowly evolved into more of a marketing position over time, and I'm NOT a "people-person".

Ah, I see. Yeah, that sounds like a much better environment than a grocery store. Probably because nearly everyone goes to the grocery store but not everyone goes to a hobby shop. (I wonder if harassers even HAVE hobbies, lol.)

 

[Rayner]

I'm inclined to think not, because if they had something else to to do why would they harass others.

Ah, I see. Yeah, that sounds like a much better environment than a grocery store. Probably because nearly everyone goes to the grocery store but not everyone goes to a hobby shop. (I wonder if harassers even HAVE hobbies, lol.)

 

[Judge]

Ah, I see. Yeah, that sounds like a much better environment than a grocery store. Probably because nearly everyone goes to the grocery store but not everyone goes to a hobby shop. (I wonder if harassers even HAVE hobbies, lol.)

Yep. Inelastic demand. People have to buy food to survive. And they have to have insurance for mortgages, businesses and automobiles. They don't make for the happiest work environments when most customers would probably prefer to be elsewhere. Especially if you're the person non-renewing or declining insurance for people regularly, let alone those working in claims.

But if you worked in a job where customers want to be, it may be a somewhat "lighter" environment socially speaking. People in better moods. In the case of working in entertainment software development virtually all the employees there seemed to have a very strong desire to be there. It made a difference. But that was a "dream job" for me...lasting only a few years.

 

[Maelstrom]

I understand that (somewhat), but these people teasing me about my task or appearance is outright rude. I've even talked to NTs about this and they agree that it's appalling to just walk up to someone and start teasing them.
Really, these people aren't even trying to make friends with me.

Yes and No umbrellabeach ,some are likely teasing you because they think you may be nice and worth befriending....you are kind of cute and sweet looking.
But others may sense you are different as a aspie and be reacting to that defensively and the teasing is not friendly but more trying to assess you...more as a threat to their normal world.

The main problem is figuring out which teasing is which so you know the best way to react to it.
How I sort the 2 groups umbrellabeach ,is I look at the eyes...
:A (friendly teasers) eyes will twinkle, and there are friendly laughing crinkles around the eyes.
:A (Unfriendly teasers) eyes will generally not twinkle and look happy...even if they are fake smiling, and the crinkles around their eyes will not look happy, a very bad sign is a slight narowing of the eyes this often indicates hostility. I have had a sociopath tell me I was wonderful and act all friendly face smiling but the eyes were cold and narrowed....the person was intending to try to harm me and tried to later on.

A light hearted joke back, (if it is friendly teasing), or a pleasant smile and just indicate you need to stick to the work you are doing, is good.

However with the, (unfriendly teasers), they should be brushed off or shut down quickly...before they cause you too much trouble. A less friendly I am busy working should do the trick...do not answer any of their unfriendly questions, (any kind of engagement is Bad!)

I hope this helps you in life a little umbrellabeach ,it took years for me to figure out the looking at the eyes to read true emotional intent thing. Maybe you can make a game of using it to read people better at work....it is helpful in life to know who is really trying to be friendly....and who is trying to mess with your head and attack you for being a aspie.

Good luck and best wishes umbrellabeach ,I am a preachers son and auti/aspie...so I understand and feel for you on all the icky social stuff you get forced on you. Being born a aspie P.K. is a little like being born in Hell.

 

[umbrellabeach]

Yes and No umbrellabeach ,some are likely teasing you because they think you may be nice and worth befriending....you are kind of cute and sweet looking.
But others may sense you are different as a aspie and be reacting to that defensively and the teasing is not friendly but more trying to assess you...more as a threat to their normal world.

The main problem is figuring out which teasing is which so you know the best way to react to it.
How I sort the 2 groups umbrellabeach ,is I look at the eyes...
:A (friendly teasers) eyes will twinkle, and there are friendly laughing crinkles around the eyes.
:A (Unfriendly teasers) eyes will generally not twinkle and look happy...even if they are fake smiling, and the crinkles around their eyes will not look happy, a very bad sign is a slight narowing of the eyes this often indicates hostility. I have had a sociopath tell me I was wonderful and act all friendly face smiling but the eyes were cold and narrowed....the person was intending to try to harm me and tried to later on.

A light hearted joke back, (if it is friendly teasing), or a pleasant smile and just indicate you need to stick to the work you are doing, is good.

However with the, (unfriendly teasers), they should be brushed off or shut down quickly...before they cause you too much trouble. A less friendly I am busy working should do the trick...do not answer any of their unfriendly questions, (any kind of engagement is Bad!)

I hope this helps you in life a little umbrellabeach ,it took years for me to figure out the looking at the eyes to read true emotional intent thing. Maybe you can make a game of using it to read people better at work....it is helpful in life to know who is really trying to be friendly....and who is trying to mess with your head and attack you for being a aspie.

Good luck and best wishes umbrellabeach ,I am a preachers son and auti/aspie...so I understand and feel for you on all the icky social stuff you get forced on you. Being born a aspie P.K. is a little like being born in Hell.

Look, I know you have good intentions and I appreciate that. But regardless of my harassers' intentions, I simply do not befriend anyone whose way of introducing themselves to me is by teasing and making me into a joke. I'm the one in the situations when they happen, and my intuition always tells me that all they're looking for is attention and temporary amusement, especially when they don't even wait around for a reaction. I am very certain they are not trying to befriend me.

Besides, they're usually customers - what chance would they have at forming an actual relationship with me when I'm so busy with work and it's the only time they see me?

 

[Maelstrom]

Look, I know you have good intentions and I appreciate that. But regardless of my harassers' intentions, I simply do not befriend anyone whose way of introducing themselves to me is by teasing and making me into a joke. I'm the one in the situations when they happen, and my intuition always tells me that all they're looking for is attention and temporary amusement, especially when they don't even wait around for a reaction. I am very certain they are not trying to befriend me.

Besides, they're usually customers - what chance would they have at forming an actual relationship with me when I'm so busy with work and it's the only time they see me?

Sigh! I was not telling you to befriend them....if you read carefully you will see I mentioned that you could choose on that. I was merely showing you a face reading thing to help you sort people. How you choose to use it is up to you....but Face reading is helpful in knowing what is going on in the head of the person you have to deal with.
It never hurts to be a able to read people accurately....not being nice at the wrong moment can cost you dearly on jobs, friends, and love. But it is even more important to be able to see who is truly hostile, that bit I gave you on cold eyes on a smiling friendly face is important....learn to watch the eyes it will help protect you in life umbrellabeach .