Unsolicited comments (of any sort)

[Catlover614]

If anyone ever actually tells me that, I will take them off, maybe squint at the person a little bit, and say, "You look better without them too." HA HA.

Catlover, assuming your profile pic is one of you, I think you're very pretty.

Yes, this pic is from 1 year ago, it's definitely the real me. Thank you, you're very pretty too.

 

[Judge]

Yet for women at the other end of this, commenting on their physical appearance has a tendency to make them self-conscious.

Precisely. It's almost comical to think I can understand this when other guys don't. That's a place socially I wouldn't dream of venturing even with the best of intentions in any real-time situation. It's just subject to too many interpretations...from flattery to criticism. Especially coming from a complete stranger.

But then in my own case because I cannot process sarcasm, the whole prospect remains alien to me as well. If someone is being snide towards me it wouldn't end well. Not because I understood them, but rather because I didn't have a clue as to their real intent.

 

[umbrellabeach]

So basically they could just be using me to impress other people and inflate their own ego? :/
I wonder about when there's no one else within earshot and it's just us two. In that case it could be just ego. They want to feel good about themselves even if I'm the only one to witness it.
Stupid that they have to put me down to do it. No one should be treated like a toy. It also means they're insecure, though. I'd love to find something to say in the moment that would bring their insecurity to light and make them stammer.

 

[Catlover614]

I love the voice of Bejeweled Stars

 

[Judge]

So basically they could just be using me to impress other people and inflate their own ego? :/
I wonder about when there's no one else within earshot and it's just us two. In that case it could be just ego. They want to feel good about themselves even if I'm the only one to witness it.
Stupid that they have to put me down to do it. No one should be treated like a toy. It also means they're insecure, though. I'd love to find something to say in the moment that would bring their insecurity to light and make them stammer.

I'm apt to think such behavior is more likely a combination of things. But it makes me ill to think of a total stranger approaching people only to make unwanted and unneeded comments that seem more indicative of perceived schadenfreude than flirting or nebulous socialization.

Indeed, no one should be treated as someone's "toy". Well put, umbrellabeach.

 

[umbrellabeach]

Well, today I took some leaky milk back to the dairy cooler in the back, and some guy (WORKING BACK THERE; not a customer) passed me and said, "The milk lady!"
Sigh.
Wow. My second milk-related comment. Ugh, I can't do the simplest, most normal parts of my job like returning perishables in peace and I'm not even safe from coworkers.

Okay, so new plan. Never carry shopbacks in my hand - always put them in the basket. Maybe try to hide them behind other shopbacks, or put a plastic bag over them so no one can see what I'm carrying.

So ridiculous... I shouldn't have to hide what I'm reshopping as if I'm stealing it, just to avoid comments. But it seems I do.

Oh yeah, and all the comments I've gotten since changing my hair have been during shifts that started at 8 AM. Hmm... another reason to try to change my availability. I actually had FOUR 8 Am shifts last week and I've got three next week. But I don't know if the upfront manager will cooperate. She doesn't care about anyone but herself.

 

[Judge]

They just won't leave you the hell alone. I just don't get such behavior.

 

[tree]

They just won't leave you the hell alone. I just don't get such behavior.

Maybe if you wore your hair like Willie Nelson...

Oh. Wait.
'I just don't get...' in this instance means
'I fail to understand,' probably.

Not 'I am not the recipient of similar attention.'

 

[Judge]

'I just don't get...' in this instance means
'I fail to understand.

Correct. It makes no sense to me given the broad circumstances of how people react to her. That she can't even pass by someone without an unsolicited comment. Bizarre.

A simple greeting would be cordial, even if unsolicited. But this sort of thing....this is something else.

I'm getting old. People in this society tend to write off the elderly, so I don't get any such attention. Thank goodness.

Were you attempting sarcasm? That's a wasted effort with me. Anyway I've never had anyone approach me and ask me, "On the road again?"

 

[umbrellabeach]

Correct. It makes no sense to me given the broad circumstances of how people react to her. That she can't even pass by someone without an unsolicited comment. Bizarre.

A simple greeting would be cordial, even if unsolicited. But this sort of thing....this is something else.

I'm getting old. People in this society tend to write off the elderly, so I don't get any such attention. Thank goodness.

Were you attempting sarcasm? That's a wasted effort with me. Anyway I've never had anyone approach me and ask me, "On the road again?"

Yeah, simple greetings I have no problem with (unless I suspect they're hitting on me).
Honestly, I kind of can't wait till I'm old, if it means getting left alone.

Maybe I should start with makeup and see how it goes. Today I noticed we're selling the Burt's Bees tinted lip balms again, just with different packaging, so I bought the darkest shade (Red Dahlia). When I got home and put it on... it matched my natural lip color. (At least it seemed to at first; maybe I didn't put on enough?) Oh well. I'll still use it.
I haven't had a lot of time to practice with makeup but I should put in more effort so I finally have the guts to wear it in public.

Edit: Yeah, I didn't put on enough the first time. I put on more now and it's noticeably darker.

 

[Judge]

Yeah, simple greetings I have no problem with (unless I suspect they're hitting on me).
Honestly, I kind of can't wait till I'm old, if it means getting left alone.

I still can't help but speculate that if you leave that job and environment, you may well be treated entirely different elsewhere. Maybe that's all this boils down to. Being in the wrong place at the wrong time for no particular reason. Makes no sense...but then neither does how you are being treated there.

 

[umbrellabeach]

I still can't help but speculate that if you leave that job and environment, you may well be treated entirely different elsewhere. Maybe that's all this boils down to. Being in the wrong place at the wrong time for no particular reason. Makes no sense...but then neither does how you are being treated there.

Maybe. But unfortunately this is the only job I can have right now, not only because of my education level but also the whole drug testing thing.

 

[Judge]

Did you go back to wearing pigtails, or are you still wearing your hair up? Just wondering...given the latest " milk lady" comment. Seems they're just teasing you regardless. Prolonged teasing of adults...seems like a foreign custom. Or perhaps just a veiled form of bullying.

 

[umbrellabeach]

Did you go back to wearing pigtails, or are you still wearing your hair up? Just wondering...given the latest " milk lady" comment. Seems they're just teasing you regardless. Prolonged teasing of adults...seems like a foreign custom. Or perhaps just a veiled form of bullying.

Oh my word no, I've been wearing the roll-and-clip style for several weeks and I'm never going back to braids. They are a harassment magnet. Although I (obviously) still get comments, I get them less now. Just wish I could eliminate them completely and not have to worry about doing certain things to avoid them.

My face still looks really young. I'm not sure what to do about that. Maybe contouring could help...
And of course there's nothing I can really do about being female. I don't even want to be male, except that it would pretty much end harassment and I wouldn't have to worry about cramps. But other than those things I like being female, so I'm not going to be transgender or anything.

 

[Judge]

Oh my word no, I've been wearing the roll-and-clip style for several weeks and I'm never going back to braids. They are a harassment magnet. Although I (obviously) still get comments, I get them less now. Just wish I could eliminate them completely and not have to worry about doing certain things to avoid them.

My face still looks really young. I'm not sure what to do about that. Maybe contouring could help...
And of course there's nothing I can really do about being female. I don't even want to be male, except that it would pretty much end harassment and I wouldn't have to worry about cramps. But other than those things I like being female, so I'm not going to be transgender or anything.

Youth itself shouldn't be such a curse in a supposedly adult work environment.

 

[umbrellabeach]

Youth itself shouldn't be such a curse in a supposedly adult work environment.

I totally agree. But being a young, attractive female means people will want my attention. Either that or they want to assert their alleged superiority since they're older.

It's funny, though... people want to talk to me and even ask me out (which happened a few weeks ago) because of that - because of my looks - but if we actually got into a serious relationship and they learned about my obsessions, quirks, baggage from everything I've been through... I'm not sure they'd want to bother with me anymore. The thing is you really know next to nothing about a person if you only judge by appearance, unless they wear a bunch of pins with their beliefs on them or something, lol. (I wear two Disney pins and an autism awareness pin on my work apron though.)

It's just so illogical and useless to try to get my attention for a moment if they don't actually need anything. And they probably forget about it by the end of the way, whereas I tend to dwell on it all day, so it does more harm than good.

 

[Rayner]

Being male isn't all it's cracked up to be. Trust me.

Oh my word no, I've been wearing the roll-and-clip style for several weeks and I'm never going back to braids. They are a harassment magnet. Although I (obviously) still get comments, I get them less now. Just wish I could eliminate them completely and not have to worry about doing certain things to avoid them.

My face still looks really young. I'm not sure what to do about that. Maybe contouring could help...
And of course there's nothing I can really do about being female. I don't even want to be male, except that it would pretty much end harassment and I wouldn't have to worry about cramps. But other than those things I like being female, so I'm not going to be transgender or anything.

 

[umbrellabeach]

Being male isn't all it's cracked up to be. Trust me.

I'll take your word for it.

 

[Judge]

(I wear two Disney pins and an autism awareness pin on my work apron though.)

I'm just wondering if part of their response has anything to do with those pins. Just a thought. But anyone can draw all kinds of impressions over such a thing.

I used to wear a ball cap with a very unusual pin. It was a personal joke to me, but on occasion I got the impression it offended people. I eventually stopped wearing it and replaced it with an American flag pin. Go figure...

 

[umbrellabeach]

I'm just wondering if part of their response has anything to do with those pins. Just a thought. But anyone can draw all kinds of impressions over such a thing.

I used to wear a ball cap with a very unusual pin. It was a personal joke to me, but on occasion I got the impression it offended people. I eventually stopped wearing it and replaced it with an American flag pin. Go figure...

I think I was harassed before I started wearing the pins (like at my old store, where I wore my uniform with no personal decoration), and sometimes my harasser is behind me or otherwise not able to see the pins clearly, so I don't think so.

Once I did take them off because I suspected they were the reason kids were staring at me, but kids stare at me even with them off.