Unsolicited comments (of any sort)

[umbrellabeach]

The irony is that in real life, actress Mayim Bialik who plays the character is probably the only person on the entire set who actually understands much of the science peripherally discussed in the show. She has a doctorate in neuroscience. As a character on the show, no, I can't recall anyone on the show teasing her. But I can see people in r/l teasing others if they perceive someone to look or act like the character. I certainly would feel bad for any Aspie if they resembled Dr. Sheldon Cooper (Jim Parsons) for the same reasoning.

Makes sense. As I mentioned before, I have been compared to a few characters. Actually, I'm surprised I was never compared to Wednesday Addams when I had braids, considering I no longer smile on command.

 

[Judge]

Makes sense. As I mentioned before, I have been compared to a few characters. Actually, I'm surprised I was never compared to Wednesday Addams when I had braids, considering I no longer smile on command.

Well, it's just a thought. But I'm just thinking quantitatively more than anything. That so many people (total strangers) know of Amy Farrah Fowler and Sheldon Cooper. It makes for a very common frame of reference, whether it really applies or is totally off base.

I know online I've had someone once or twice tell me I sounded like Sheldon. Can't say I liked that much.

I just want to be treated and recognized for being me and no one else. I assume you do as well.

 

[umbrellabeach]

I just want to be treated and recognized for being me and no one else. I assume you do as well.

Yep.
On a slight tangent, I don't even want to be defined by society for my labels - e.g. high school graduate, grocery bagger, so-and-so's daughter/sister... the girl who never smiles, etc. (And formerly "the girl with the pigtails/braids.") People tend to get all fascinated by those labels and are satisfied knowing them - like they then know me as a person. But they're just superficial facts.

They are protective, though. Since defining people with labels like that is societal norm, and people generally don't try to probe deeper, there's little risk of people finding out personal things about me and using them against me in whatever way. So while it can be frustrating to be widely known by labels, the only people who do get to know me will be the ones who deserve it.

 

[Catlover614]

One other thing to consider. Imagine real women who for whatever reason are taken for or reminded of "Amy Farrah Fowler". A very well-known character on a mercilessly popular sitcom known as "The Big Bang Theory". So much teasing...that would make sense too.

Which might explain the unexplainable. Any takers?

If this could be it, I'd consider one thing to change. Ditch the glasses. Go to contacts. A pain at first, but you get used to them. Assuming of course your prescription can accommodate contact lenses. Something to consider, anyways. I don't think Amy Farrah Fowler wears any makeup as well. Hmmm.

So, am I ugly when I wear my reading glasses? I don't like, want, or need contacts. It's insensitive to demand such a small detail about a person, like they aren't good enough or meet a certain criteria.

 

[umbrellabeach]

So, am I ugly when I wear my reading glasses? I don't like, want, or need contacts. It's insensitive to demand such a small detail about a person, like they aren't good enough or meet a certain criteria.

I totally agree. And no one should have to suffer for the way they deal with flaws they have no control over, like tying thick hair in braids or wearing glasses to correct imperfect vision. It's flat-out bullying.

 

[Judge]

So, am I ugly when I wear my reading glasses? I don't like, want, or need contacts. It's insensitive to demand such a small detail about a person, like they aren't good enough or meet a certain criteria.

I agree. But I'm just being honest in pointing out how people can be unfairly (and insensitively) be critical. It's a consideration....not a demand.

I was also told not wearing glasses would improve my appearance. I did wear contacts for about ten years.

The hard part though is knowing where to stand up for one's self and assessing how much pounding you can take from total strangers on a regular basis. Bullying is exhausting to withstand indefinitely. A place I've been as a kid as well. All compounded if you go through such things at work where you have limited control over them.

 

[Catlover614]

I agree. But I'm just being honest in pointing out how people can be unfairly (and insensitively) be critical. It's a consideration....not a demand.

I was also told not wearing glasses would improve my appearance. I did wear contacts for about ten years.

Judge, do you think I'm ugly?

 

[Judge]

Judge, do you think I'm ugly?

Nope. What made you ask? Besides, you have a nice smile. Smiles are very difficult for me. Doesn't help me either in the social sense.You have a significant other. I ....well....I have no one at all. Hey kiddo..you're batting a thousand from my perspective. Me? I'm not even in the game any more.

Unfortunately for Umbrellabeach it's not about what you or I think. It's these people at her place of work. Baffling that people feel compelled to tease others for whatever reason.

Sadly though so many of us here know real malice on a face-to-face basis. I sure do.

 

[umbrellabeach]

I was also told not wearing glasses would improve my appearance.

If anyone ever actually tells me that, I will take them off, maybe squint at the person a little bit, and say, "You look better without them too." HA HA.

Catlover, assuming your profile pic is one of you, I think you're very pretty.

 

[Judge]

If anyone ever actually tells me that, I will take them off, maybe squint at the person a little bit, and say, "You look better without them too." HA HA.

Well, the person who told me to dump the glasses was very attractive and very conscious of social and marketing issues. A good friend, quite intelligent and admittedly quite influential with me. She did from time to time serve as my "wingman" in negotiating the public relations part of my job I was never cut out for. In that respect she was a lifesaver.

But that was still only her perception. Frankly from my own perception I never really gave it much thought. After all I had worn glasses most of my life. She used to consider glasses "a barrier" to your soul. Whatever....lol.

Ultimately it's up to you as to how you chose to handle it all. I'm still grasping at straws just trying to determine why total strangers (adults) would even bother to treat someone in such a fashion.

 

[umbrellabeach]

Well, the person who told me to dump the glasses was very attractive and very conscious of social and marketing issues. A good friend, quite intelligent and admittedly quite influential with me. She did from time to time serve as my "wingman" in negotiating the public relations part of my job I was never cut out for. In that respect she was a lifesaver.

But that was still only her perception. Frankly from my own perception I never really gave it much thought. After all I had worn glasses most of my life.

Ultimately it's up to you as to how you chose to handle it all. I'm still grasping at straws just trying to determine why total strangers would even bother to treat someone in such a fashion.

Yeah, it'd be different with someone I know. In that case I'd explain that I'm more comfortable with them than contacts. But if a total stranger did it, I'd do what I described above.

I'm going to start keeping track of how many of my harassers are wearing glasses themselves. Many are middle-aged men, so I imagine quite a few of them.
And actually, since I've also started writing down comments almost as soon as I get them, as I did yesterday, I wonder if it would make them uncomfortable if I stopped, pulled out my notebook, stared at them for a second or two with no words, then wrote down what they said and looked like. (Except of course they wouldn't know what I was writing.) They might think I was writing a message to them, but then I'd put it back in my pocket and walk away... XD I don't know, I might do this.

 

[Judge]

Yeah, it'd be different with someone I know. In that case I'd explain that I'm more comfortable with them than contacts. But if a total stranger did it, I'd do what I described above.

I'm going to start keeping track of how many of my harassers are wearing glasses themselves. Many are middle-aged men, so I imagine quite a few of them.
And actually, since I've also started writing down comments almost as soon as I get them, as I did yesterday, I wonder if it would make them uncomfortable if I stopped, pulled out my notebook, stared at them for a second or two with no words, then wrote down what they said and looked like. (Except of course they wouldn't know what I was writing.) They might think I was writing a message to them, but then I'd put it back in my pocket and walk away... XD I don't know, I might do this.

I'd honesty feel better if an NT male could respond to all this. I'm just guessing at all at this point. I wouldn't get invested in just my opinion alone. But you bring up a good point in wondering how many of these guys also wear glasses and probably aren't the flower of humanity themselves. But then there's nothing unique about hypocrisy and double standards either.

One thing my friend did also mention to me, is in considering frameless glasses as well. Something I may do the next time I get a new pair that frankly I badly need.

 

[umbrellabeach]

I'd honesty feel better if an NT male could respond to all this.

I wouldn't trust people like my harassers to respond seriously.

 

[Judge]

I wouldn't trust people like my harassers to respond seriously.

I understand. I just wish you had more feedback. Especially from a point of view that might well be alien to mine.

I can explain the "hows" of some NT behaviors, but seldom the "whys".

Good point though. They might fundamentally not even grasp that this is a problem for you and not take it seriously. Yet they have so many unwritten rules of their own. Go figure.

 

[umbrellabeach]

I understand. I just wish you had more feedback. Especially from a point of view that might well be alien to mine.

I can explain the "hows" of some NT behaviors, but seldom the "whys".

Good point though. They might fundamentally not even grasp that this is a problem for you and not take it seriously. Yet they have so many unwritten rules of their own. Go figure.

Yep. A sweet young thing like me can't have real problems or emotions. "I'm teasing you because you're just so cute, darling! Hahaha!" is what I imagine them replying.
I wonder if it would be any different if they found out they were teasing an autistic person.

 

[Judge]

Yep. A sweet young thing like me can't have real problems or emotions. "I'm teasing you because you're just so cute, darling! Hahaha!" is what I imagine them replying.

That could be precisely in their mind what's it all about. But then as they say, "You know what time it is".

Yet in that case, that amounts to a form of sexual harassment. Not cool...but yeah it happens. Still it makes me cringe to think guys considerably older than you would do such a thing.

 

[umbrellabeach]

That could be precisely in their mind what's it all about. But then as they say, "You know what time it is".

Yet in that case, that amounts to a form of sexual harassment. Not cool...but yeah it happens. Still it makes me cringe to think guys considerably older than you would do such a thing.

Do you mean they'd accuse me of being on my period? Uggghhhh. I've never yet had that happen, but I've heard about it. I don't have a response ready for that, especially since anything angry-sounding would encourage them.

 

[Judge]

Do you mean they'd accuse me of being on my period? Uggghhhh. I've never yet had that happen, but I've heard about it. I don't have a response ready for that, especially since anything angry-sounding would encourage them.

LOL. No, I didn't mean that. Ack!

It's a saying one of my bosses used to say. It means you know exactly what is going on when they think or claim otherwise. I have another way of saying it, but it's probably too crass to post.

 

[umbrellabeach]

LOL. No, I didn't mean that.

It's a saying one of my bosses used to say. It means you know exactly what is going on when they think otherwise. I have another way of saying it, but it's probably too crass to post.

I'm still not sure what you mean...
Do you mean I would know they're evading me and not taking me seriously, while they think I think they're being totally honest?

 

[Judge]

I'm still not sure what you mean...
Do you mean I would know they're evading me and not taking me seriously, while they think I think they're being totally honest?

It simply means, "You're onto them".

That you know what they know but that it's wrong. That it's patronizing for them to do something to you that they shouldn't.