Unsolicited comments (of any sort)

[tree]

kestrel

oooh

Be sure to include 'greasy.'


Green/blue/purple....
Buzz cut
Little rat tail
Pony tail to the middle of the back
Dreads
Bowl cut
"conservative" like the Mormon & Baptist boys who go door-to-door
shoulder length...

I don't know many names of hairstyles.
Only what I have seen.

edit a minute later =

ooops
I misunderstood.
I thought you were going to make the list with observations.

 

[Maelstrom]

Hi Maelstrom As an aspie I want you to be fair. I find this sociologically interesting but personally I find it surprising and I have decided to post that I admit that I'd like you to post equivalent hair codes for (each age bracket) of males.

I'm not a girl how would I know what you ladies love best...I have had girls beg me to let my long hair loose when I had it that long tho.......soooo? maybe there is no difference really?

Long flowing hair on the ladies is hotter any way you dress it.

 

[Maelstrom]

kestrel

oooh

bowl cut....

That may be the bad one for guys? and the dreaded comb over

 

[umbrellabeach]

Well, I got another one today. First one in a month. I was taking back a small carton of yogurt and happened to pass a middle-aged guy, who felt the need to say, "Got a spoon? I'll help you with that." GROSS. I completely ignored him - didn't even stop or look at him - and went on my way.
(Kind of wish I'd said, "No thanks, I don't want to get rabies." LOL)

Sigh. I guess I'll never be totally immune to stupid comments. I guess no one really is unless they're feared. But I want to make myself as immune as I possibly can. That may include avoiding customers whenever possible, especially middle-aged white men. Only go down empty aisles when doing shopback, etc.

 

[garnetflower13]

Back in the day, I used to waitress for a summer job. I frequently received lewd comments, or basically disrespectful ones from males who came into the restaurant where I worked. Sometimes I feared I would lose my temper and say something really nasty back, and be fired. Thankfully my boss would sometimes notice and throw people out. Once I dumped a large glass of ice cubes and soda in this one guy's lap after he made a comment about my anatomy.

When you are employed in a public position, the best thing you can do is ignore, as you just described. Responding only eggs the troublemakers on, because now they have got a response which is all they want in the first place. Sorry you are going through that.

 

[umbrellabeach]

Back in the day, I used to waitress for a summer job. I frequently received lewd comments, or basically disrespectful ones from males who came into the restaurant where I worked. Sometimes I feared I would lose my temper and say something really nasty back, and be fired. Thankfully my boss would sometimes notice and throw people out.

I've thought about that too. I wonder how many of them would actually file a customer complaint to the service desk - and furthermore, how they'd prove what I said. I have a feeling if this were ever a situation, the manager would be on the customer's side. Especially if it's a manager I'm not on good terms with. Basically, they might want me to let the customer say and do anything they want to me and I can't stand up for myself. But I haven't experimented yet.

Once I dumped a large glass of ice cubes and soda in this one guy's lap after he made a comment about my anatomy.

That's awesome.

 

[Judge]

Sigh. I guess I'll never be totally immune to stupid comments. I guess no one really is unless they're feared. But I want to make myself as immune as I possibly can. That may include avoiding customers whenever possible, especially middle-aged white men. Only go down empty aisles when doing shopback, etc.

It won't always be this way for you. I suspect as you move up the ladder in other jobs you won't be so much of a target to stupid and predatory mindsets.

 

[garnetflower13]

I agree with Judge. BTW, I suspect you are a rebel and I admire that!

 

[umbrellabeach]

It won't always be this way for you. I suspect as you move up the ladder in other jobs you won't be so much of a target to stupid and predatory mindsets.

Yeah, except when I pass strangers who don't know what job I have. And really, my ideal job would be something where I can work from home. It stresses me out more to have to be somewhere else physically than to turn on my computer or something.
Actually, if I had a work-from-home job and ordered groceries and other essential items online, I could be a total recluse.

I agree with Judge. BTW, I suspect you are a rebel and I admire that!

Thanks. I do consider myself one, though I don't think many people in 'real life' see me as one since I'm so quiet and all. But their opinions don't matter.

 

[Judge]

Actually, if I had a work-from-home job and ordered groceries and other essential items online, I could be a total recluse.

I'm almost there, except I still drive to the store for those groceries.

 

[Maelstrom]

I'm almost there, except I still drive to the store for those groceries.

I understand the feeling but I try to force my self to stay engaged in life a little bit at least or I get too lonely. Being by ones self all the time is boring....the trick seems to be to find safe people and ways to socialize. I think if you host your social event your self you get to arrange it more to your suiting, you get to pick what, where, and how many people, and who.
In other words plan the party, and do the inviting....if everyone says no...go read a good book while they feel guilty.

 

[umbrellabeach]

I understand the feeling but I try to force my self to stay engaged in life a little bit at least or I get too lonely. Being by ones self all the time is boring....the trick seems to be to find safe people and ways to socialize. I think if you host your social event your self you get to arrange it more to your suiting, you get to pick what, where, and how many people, and who.
In other words plan the party, and do the inviting....if everyone says no...go read a good book while they feel guilty.

I think that depends on the person. I could be alone forever and not get tired of it. If I want to talk to people, I can go on the Internet where I know I'll be respected and have meaningful conversations, unlike real life which is mostly small talk unless I get lucky.

 

[Judge]

I understand the feeling but I try to force my self to stay engaged in life a little bit at least or I get too lonely. Being by ones self all the time is boring....the trick seems to be to find safe people and ways to socialize. I think if you host your social event your self you get to arrange it more to your suiting, you get to pick what, where, and how many people, and who.
In other words plan the party, and do the inviting....if everyone says no...go read a good book while they feel guilty.

My days of hosting social events are long gone. I always crack up over recalling how I pushed myself to host a dinner party for some friends from work in the early 90s. It went ok...but in the end all I could do was ask myself "What was I thinking?"

No, in my case it isn't about "safe people". It's socialization itself and always has been. There's just so much I can take and even then it always robs me of my energy. It's just who and what I am.

Sad though to think I have no such "safe people" any more in real life, and haven't for a very long time.

 

[Maelstrom]

My days of hosting social events are long gone. I always crack up over recalling how I pushed myself to host a dinner party for some friends from work in the early 90s. It went ok...but in the end all I could do was ask myself "What was I thinking?"

No, in my case it isn't about "safe people". It's socialization itself and always has been. There's just so much I can take and even then it always robs me of my energy. It's just who and what I am.

I understand Judge ,I try to do more one on one social things with friends too many people at one time wear my mind out. But the lonelyness can become unbearable too. I find the older I get the less rewarding my interests are and the more the cloud of loneliness hangs on me...perhaps aspies with people in your face jobs are too tired to be lonely after work?
Maybe that is how it is for umbrellabeach ,she is getting too much people her face time at work...and is too worn out for love or friendship at the end of the day?
I know people can wear me out something terrible at times.

 

[Judge]

I understand Judge ,I try to do more one on one social things with friends too many people at one time wear my mind out. But the lonelyness can become unbearable too. I find the older I get the less rewarding my interests are and the more the cloud of loneliness hangs on me...perhaps aspies with people in your face jobs are too tired to be lonely after work?
Maybe that is how it is for umbrellabeach ,she is getting too much people her face time at work...and is too worn out for love or friendship at the end of the day?
I know people can wear me out something terrible at times.

Possibly, yet not necessarily either. These are the sort of dynamics where for each of us can be very different from one another. There is not likely to be one answer to fit us all.

I can get lonely, but it's not something that consumes me. On the other hand, too much exposure to humanity can consume me quite quickly, often ending in a flight or fight response. It may not be rational, but then I never claimed anything to the contrary. We are who we are...whatever that may mean for each of us.

 

[clg114]

My days of hosting social events are long gone. I always crack up over recalling how I pushed myself to host a dinner party for some friends from work in the early 90s. It went ok...but in the end all I could do was ask myself "What was I thinking?"

No, in my case it isn't about "safe people". It's socialization itself and always has been. There's just so much I can take and even then it always robs me of my energy. It's just who and what I am.

Sad though to think I have no such "safe people" any more in real life, and haven't for a very long time.

This is my normal. Except that I have never hosted any kind of party. However I am married to a NT lady, so I do have to go to social events once in a while. They are all most always family events where I know everyone and everyone knows that Grandpa is a little eccentric. Even in this situation, I stay close to my wife, smile, nod my head and do not say much. When there is a lot of people around it just does something to me. Socializing is very difficult because no one is interested in the things that I am. I am uncomfortable and I always feel relieved when it is time to go home.

 

[Judge]

Socializing is very difficult because no one is interested in the things that I am. I am uncomfortable and I always feel relieved when it is time to go home.

Even in those rare social events I find enjoyable, I STILL come home with what can more or less be described as a "tension headache". It's just who and what I am. I've never been able to adapt myself to the contrary. But yes, it is tough to remain silent when you have so much to say, but something few want to hear and on a level of intensity that may intimidate some.

Leaving me puzzled, wondering if socialization in general is toxic for me, whether under the best or worst conditions. Seems to me a true sign of being on the spectrum.

 

[garnetflower13]

I understand JudgeI find the older I get the less rewarding my interests are and the more the cloud of loneliness hangs on me...

That's interesting, because the older I get, the more rewarding my interests are! When younger and in the workplace, I always seemed to get caught up in more socializing than I wanted to. Sometimes I did crave and enjoy the company of others but mileage and wear and tear has made me extremely grateful that I can pick and choose when I want to socialize. And I can be selfish and spend as much time as I want to on my special interests without offending others, because there are no others, besides my husband and he is busy with his own interests.

 

[Catlover614]

Thanksgiving is 4 months away and while I love the meaning of being thankful for the good things in life, it petrifies me to no end that I am expected to socially interact with a crowd of my boyfriend's family ( why I sometimes wish I was unattached). It's always about a 5 hour ordeal. By the time I get back home, I just want to cocoon myself in quiet, dark room for 10 hours to recover. And then to have to do it again a month later for their Christmas gathering. OUCH!

 

[Judge]

I think that depends on the person. I could be alone forever and not get tired of it. If I want to talk to people, I can go on the Internet where I know I'll be respected and have meaningful conversations, unlike real life which is mostly small talk unless I get lucky.

I get that. For me in real life, most conversations with strangers are always superficial to the point of being pointless to either initiate or continue. It's a maddening social ritual to me that seems inescapable unless I go online.

Funny to think how my parents first became concerned about me. Seeing me play alone for hours on end as a toddler. Seemed a bit spooky to them. But I was fine.