Unsolicited comments (of any sort)

[Judge]

Unfortunately I am a member of a union (I work at Giant) - one that takes away more workers' rights than it gives. I plan to flame it in a Glassdoor review when I leave my job.

It never ocurred to me that politics could be involved. But if what you described is the case for at least some of these people, that makes me want to confront them even more. Chances are they won't want to openly admit that they don't like baggers, so it would be fun to watch them squirm and stammer. (Unless they tried to deflect the situation with more "jokes.")

I really wish I'd yelled at her to mind her own business. I briefly considered giving her the finger, but that would have gotten caught on camera.

For what it's worth, that's one issue where I think it's in your best interest to remain silent about. Labor relations and cost issues...that's a real minefield you're in...and not of any fault of yours.

It gets even more complex if you reside in a "Right To Work" state...where unions are barely tolerated. Yeah, it's stuff people aren't likely to admit unless you get their political dander up. Something you don't want to do at work. I feel kinda bad about relaying this sort of thing to you, but you really should be aware of the possibilities.

I've witnessed this sort of thing in both California and Nevada. Two very different states when it comes to labor and retail costs. Yet where consumers can get nasty at times over what they perceive they are paying for. Especially if they're doing comparative shopping elsewhere for much less the cost. Yet another negative side-effect of the Great Recession.

I love Safeway, but only do highly selective shopping there due to prices. Everything else, I shop "elsewhere" given the cost. But I can't imagine in my wildest dreams taking out price differences on any employee. Yet I've seen people do just that.

 

[umbrellabeach]

For what it's worth, that's one issue where I think it's in your best interest to remain silent about. Labor relations and cost issues...that's a real minefield you're in...and not of any fault of yours.

It gets even more complex if you reside in a "Right To Work" state...where unions are barely tolerated. Yeah, it's stuff people aren't likely to admit unless you get their political dander up. Something you don't want to do at work. I feel kinda bad about relaying this sort of thing to you, but you really should be aware of the possibilities.

I've witnessed this sort of thing in both California and Nevada. Two very different states when it comes to labor and retail costs. Yet where consumers can get nasty at times over what they perceive they are paying for. Especially if they're doing comparative shopping elsewhere for much less the cost. Yet another negative side-effect of the Great Recession.

I love Safeway, but only do highly selective shopping there due to prices. Everything else, I shop "elsewhere" given the cost. But I can't imagine in my wildest dreams taking out price differences on any employee. Yet I've seen people do just that.

Yeah, I've seen a lot of memes and quotes in the online retail community about customers getting mad at employees (mostly cashiers) over the prices, even though we don't decide them.

Basically I just wish I could say something to each person who harasses me that leaves them speechless and uncomfortable, and lets them know it's NOT okay to do what they're doing. I hate having to let them leave the store still thinking it's okay. Whether they're motivated by politics, personal insecurities, etc. I've done nothing to deserve them taking it out on me.

What appalls me further is that some women harass other women. Men seem to have treated me better since I changed my hair, but today it was a woman. I wonder if there's anything I can do to make myself seem an unappealing target for women's teasing.

 

[Judge]

I wonder if there's anything I can do to make myself seem an unappealing target for women's teasing.

Probably not when or if it's economic or political in nature. But then it's no secret that this election cycle is historically contentious. Capable of bringing out the worst in people whatever their views may be. Let's hope such sentiments die down after November.

 

[tree]

If I said "it's not time to go home yet," to
a clerk in a store, I would be commiserating
with that person.

I have not ever said "it's not time to go home yet,"
but I have talked with clerks about their expectations
for the end of the shift. And given them hope that
the weather will still be good [if that looks like the case]
when they do get off work.

I don't have political implications when I talk to a clerk.
I see the clerk as another person who hopes to recharge
him/herself once the work day is over.

I live in a rural area. Clerks from the grocery store greet
people [me, anyway] when they encounter them in off-the-job
situations. We aren't adversaries.

 

[Judge]

It's very sad. I mean...no matter what someone is doing it's their job. We're all trying to make a living of some sort.

There's no call to say such things for any reason at all. And if you see them quite frequently, it seems people would be more inclined to be at least polite, maybe even friendly to them. Not this.

One of these days though....I'm just liable to "unload" on someone and end up screaming at them, "I'M AUTISTIC! PLEASE JUST LEAVE ME ALONE!" It would probably spook them...I could just see them calling the cops too.

 

[Maelstrom]

That's just going way too far for any customer to make such a comment. No matter what their political reasoning might be.

Yeah! that time work comment to umbrellabeach ,was likely a unfriendly passive aggressive attack.

 

[umbrellabeach]

If I said "it's not time to go home yet," to
a clerk in a store, I would be commiserating
with that person.

I have not ever said "it's not time to go home yet,"
but I have talked with clerks about their expectations
for the end of the shift. And given them hope that
the weather will still be good [if that looks like the case]
when they do get off work.

I don't have political implications when I talk to a clerk.
I see the clerk as another person who hopes to recharge
him/herself once the work day is over.

I live in a rural area. Clerks from the grocery store greet
people [me, anyway] when they encounter them in off-the-job
situations. We aren't adversaries.

Sounds like you do it right. The woman today said it and walked away laughing.

I live near Washington D.C., so maybe it is more political than I thought... maybe.

LOL, Judge. These people don't deserve to know I'm autistic; I only tell people I trust. (I do wear an autism awareness ribbon pin on my uniform, but I don't think the customers assume I wear it for myself, if they even notice it.)

 

[Judge]

Sounds like you do it right. The woman today said it and walked away laughing.

LOL, Judge. These people don't deserve to know I'm autistic; I only tell people I trust. (I do wear an autism awareness ribbon pin on my uniform, but I don't think the customers assume I wear it for myself, if they even notice it.)

Oh I'm thinking of that for me- not you. I've just had some incidents with strangers I found completely exasperating relative to me being on the spectrum. Not that anyone cares mind you.

Besides, I'm an old man. I can get away with all kinds of things without fear of consequences.

 

[Judge]

I live near Washington D.C., so maybe it is more political than I thought... maybe.

Yeah. Not to mention that it looks like there are at least five Walmarts in the DC area alone, not counting Maryland and Virginia. At least if you live in Maryland you're not dealing with a more contentious labor environment with state government. Unless of course y'all are on our side of the Potomac. VA is a "Right To Work" state.

But I haven't lived there in a long time....

 

[zurb]

IMO most likely it's a passive-aggressive resentment of your position. That the cost of a grocery bagger is considered unnecessary and weighs on the retail cost of groceries in general....

Me thinks you're over analyzing. Me thinks it was what the customer would call an 'innocent comment' or a joke.
They know there could be a thousand other reasons why you might look at a watch (eg, do I have to go to that staff meeting yet? Is it time for me to step in and rescue my colleague from that pesky customer yet? etc...). Most likely it was light hearted and they would be surprised anyone would take it so personally.
The only reason it became an issue was that it was close to the truth. If he'd looked at his watch for any other reason, his feeling about the situation could be quite different.

 

[umbrellabeach]

Me thinks you're over analyzing. Me thinks it was what the customer would call an 'innocent comment' or a joke.
They know there could be a thousand other reasons why you might look at a watch (eg, do I have to go to that staff meeting yet? Is it time for me to step in and rescue my colleague from that pesky customer yet? etc...). Most likely it was light hearted and they would be surprised anyone would take it so personally.
The only reason it became an issue was that it was close to the truth. If he'd looked at his watch for any other reason, his feeling about the situation could be quite different.

For me it's an issue because people are always randomly (and unwelcomely) commenting on every little thing I do, as if it's their business. And they often laugh at me while doing it. I'm tired of being used for amusement. On top of all that, it's not the first time I've gotten the "not time to go home" comment. Actually, I'm surprised it happened again.
That's another thing, these people think they're being original.
(Also I'm a she, FYI )

 

[zurb]

(Also I'm a she, FYI )

Sorry.
Don't forget NTs follow scripts too - there's not much originality in 'small talk', especially with strangers. The purpose, if they stick around, is to see how you react, and are worth talking to.

 

[Judge]

Me thinks you're over analyzing. Me thinks it was what the customer would call an 'innocent comment' or a joke.

Maybe. Maybe not. I've seen people make those kind of comments before and then talk about why they said them. Commenting or inferring about a total stranger's work habits isn't a cute way of making idle chit-chat. But it is subtle- and judgmental.

I still hear people regularly- and bitterly complain about pricing here. Especially when such stores are wedged between Walmart and Target stores with outrageously better pricing. But then we were hit especially hard by the recession. People can change on a dime when it comes to money. Even with their own kin. And wages aren't keeping pace with the cost of food.

Maybe I'm just jaded from negative contact with people over a much longer time than some of you. It's true. I'm a lot less trusting than some of you. And it serves me well.

 

[umbrellabeach]

Sorry.
Don't forget NTs follow scripts too - there's not much originality in 'small talk', especially with strangers. The purpose, if they stick around, is to see how you react, and are worth talking to.

Hmm... I half agree with that. They definitely want to see me react, but probably not for the purpose of lasting conversation. Just for temporary amusement, although if they get a reaction they like I guess they'll want to come back for more. But if I sense someone is trying just for a reaction, I don't give them one.

A lot of the time, when someone is trying to make small talk but not necessarily trying for a funny reaction - like when I used to go to church - they'd ask about stuff like school and work. Well, I'm not in school and I've got a lowly grocery bagging job. After that they usually wouldn't be able to think of anything else to talk about, so it would end there. Because of that I've never understood how small talk is supposed to lead to big talk (unless we somehow get around to my interests, but that doesn't happen often).

Customers can tell what my main special interest is by just looking at me, though - along with the autism one, I wear pins with Mickey and Minnie Mouse, Pluto, and Donald Duck on them. (I should get Goofy and Scrooge sometime.)

 

[Judge]

I've never understood how small talk is supposed to lead to big talk.

No reason why you should understand such a thing, IMO. Small talk with Neurodiverse people might lead directly to "big talk", but when it comes to NTs, in most cases small talk leads mostly to more small talk. As if it were an art form designed to kill time and break down social barriers through a form of osmosis and little else.

I've killed more conversations than I care to admit to in pushing small talk to big talk with Neurotypicals. As if it fundamentally offends them. Where I'm violating unwritten rules of some kind. However I seldom equate any unsolicited comments like you've gotten as a form of small talk. To me that's something else...with an agenda at the heart of it all.

 

[zurb]

Once more: we as Aspies tend to over analyze, and often veer towards assuming the worst. We then develop a persecution complex, which while not totally unjustified, is overdone when 90% of the time we're not even noticed.
Give them the benefit of the doubt, and life will be less stressful.
And, don't forget 'Hanlon's razor'!

 

[tree]

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hanlon's_razor

I didn't know that expression.

 

[Maelstrom]

Once more: we as Aspies tend to over analyze, and often veer towards assuming the worst. We then develop a persecution complex, which while not totally unjustified, is overdone when 90% of the time we're not even noticed.
Give them the benefit of the doubt, and life will be less stressful.
And, don't forget 'Hanlon's razor'!

Hanlon's Razor'! ??? I practice small talk with the NTs all the time....it is a useful art to learn in life even if annoying sometimes. I am slowly getting good at it and it pleases the NTs they respect me a little more.

 

[Maelstrom]

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hanlon's_razor

I didn't know that expression.

Thank you tree , and zurb , it is a good saying to remember, we do underestimate other peoples general stupidity sometimes....not everything is well thought out malice....sometimes their mouths are just running on auto-pilot.

 

[umbrellabeach]

My point is I want them to leave me alone, no matter what their reason. If they have a malicious agenda, they need to leave me alone. If they're just stupid, they need to leave me alone. So I'm just trying not to seem like good prey anymore - and also trying to figure out ways to deflect the abuse when it comes along.

I wonder if spouting out gross facts about the human body would help... or if it would lead them to assume I'm in school and talking about what I've learned, prompting them to talk even more.