Unsolicited comments (of any sort)

[watersprite]

It happened again just now. Was walking down to mail a bill and some guy leans out his truck window and yells at me. I thought he was going to ask for directions somewhere so I looked up from the sidewalk, where I mostly keep my eyes so as not to squish ants. He yelled has anyone told you recently you're beautiful. I am easily old enough to be this guy's mother so he must be drunk or high on something. Does anyone else feel violated when **** like this happens. My son told me to just accept the compliment. I do not think it is, I think it is an act of aggression.

 

[umbrellabeach]

The thing is this mostly happens with customers at work. I think it's highly unlikely that they're trying to start a friendship or progress to deeper conversation. Neither of us has time for that unless they have a huge order and aren't busy with their card or coupons or something - and even if we talk then, it's not going to form a friendship. They just want to say something to me for the sake of saying something to me. (Which can double as flirting sometimes.)

Which begs the question - what's the worst that would happen if they just left me alone? Nothing would happen. Nothing would change. Obviously they don't consider this.
But since they do make annoying comments, I have slowly changed into a misanthropic cynic who generally wants nothing to do with people.

It's one thing to make small talk. It's quite another to tease someone who has done nothing wrong.

 

[Suzanne]

The only time I received an unsolicited comment, was after I had a miss miscarriage ie my baby died in my womb and well, I am a smiler, but after that, I could not muster up enough energy to smile and one time, I was out side and this guy walked passed and said: hey, smile, life is not as bad as that!

I have always looked younger than my age and if anything, when I was commented on, it was always complimentary.

As for smiling whilst working. Well that is rather difficult for me, because I believe that if one is working in a public sector, they should smile, because it is welcoming!

I simply hate going to the supermarket and the teller is so sour faced that it makes me angry and I want to shout: do you think that not smiling is very friendly? Now, please bear in mind, that I do not say anything, because I am not that type of person. Of course, the teller could have had some dreadful news, but well, she (because it is normally a woman) is working in an environment where she is seeing many different people and hey, the person she is serving, could also have had some dreadful news.

So, basically when someone says smile; they are actually saying you are too pretty to not smile!

By the way, you are charming looking and personally you should not have to change your looks, if you are not offensive.

Unfortunately this world is not for sensitive people and I am the first to take things to heart and dwell over it and get more and more upset.

We are a strange lot because I like it when I am called cute lol

 

[Suzanne]

It happened again just now. Was walking down to mail a bill and some guy leans out his truck window and yells at me. I thought he was going to ask for directions somewhere so I looked up from the sidewalk, where I mostly keep my eyes so as not to squish ants. He yelled has anyone told you recently you're beautiful. I am easily old enough to be this guy's mother so he must be drunk or high on something. Does anyone else feel violated when **** like this happens. My son told me to just accept the compliment. I do not think it is, I think it is an act of aggression.

Oh dear, when this has happened to me, I feel highly complimented.

I also look at the ground when walking, but that is mostly because I want to disappear ie not be noticed, and when someone has said something to me, I look around because I cannot believe they could be talking to me.

 

[Mathalamus]

i get very, very few comments form other people. mostly because i am deaf, i move too fast for people to talk to, and i keep my distance from people. literally. i also do not comment on them, because its rude.

also, i tend to brand people who comment on me as if they know anything as idiots. usually, they prove me right.

yeah, im not nice. oh well.

 

[umbrellabeach]

The only time I received an unsolicited comment, was after I had a miss miscarriage ie my baby died in my womb and well, I am a smiler, but after that, I could not muster up enough energy to smile and one time, I was out side and this guy walked passed and said: hey, smile, life is not as bad as that!

I have always looked younger than my age and if anything, when I was commented on, it was always complimentary.

As for smiling whilst working. Well that is rather difficult for me, because I believe that if one is working in a public sector, they should smile, because it is welcoming!

I simply hate going to the supermarket and the teller is so sour faced that it makes me angry and I want to shout: do you think that not smiling is very friendly? Now, please bear in mind, that I do not say anything, because I am not that type of person. Of course, the teller could have had some dreadful news, but well, she (because it is normally a woman) is working in an environment where she is seeing many different people and hey, the person she is serving, could also have had some dreadful news.

So, basically when someone says smile; they are actually saying you are too pretty to not smile!

By the way, you are charming looking and personally you should not have to change your looks, if you are not offensive.

Unfortunately this world is not for sensitive people and I am the first to take things to heart and dwell over it and get more and more upset.

We are a strange lot because I like it when I am called cute lol

A neutral expression (which is what I have) is not a sour face. I think whatever your job is, it's your face and your decision alone what to do with it. And I think there's more to being friendly than just smiling. Customers always appreciate my help even though I don't fake-smile.
If all people want is to see me look pretty, that's sexist. Women don't exist to look pretty and please men (or other women).
Basically, I was a people pleaser for so long and I'm done with it because so many people want to take advantage of me.

 

[watersprite]

A neutral expression (which is what I have) is not a sour face. I think whatever your job is, it's your face and your decision alone what to do with it. And I think there's more to being friendly than just smiling. Customers always appreciate my help even though I don't fake-smile.
If all people want is to see me look pretty, that's sexist. Women don't exist to look pretty and please men (or other women).
Basically, I was a people pleaser for so long and I'm done with it because so many people want to take advantage of me.

Yep, agree. But, most of society still does not think outside of that box, and get upset in various ways when others refuse to look, speak, and behave within the box. And it is interesting you stated it with those words, because that's exactly what I repeat /silently/ to remind myself when in public: neutral face. Lately I have had to tell myself quite clearly that even in special circumstances, if other people do not accept who I am, then they can "go jump in the lake."

 

[clg114]

Yep, agree. But, most of society still does not think outside of that box, and get upset in various ways when others refuse to look, speak, and behave withing the box. And it is interesting you stated it with those words, because that's exactly what I repeat /silently/ to remind myself when in public: neutral face. Lately I have had to tell myself quite clearly that even in special circumstances, if other people do not accept who I am, then they can "go jump in the lake."

I feel the same way except "go jump in the lake" in not the terminology that I would use. Obviously I am not nearly as nice of a person as you are.

 

[Judge]

Lately I have had to tell myself quite clearly that even in special circumstances, if other people do not accept who I am, then they can "go jump in the lake."

That's one thing that admittedly I need to work on in my own case. I really haven't gotten to the point where in the event of such an occurrence in public with strangers where I'm willing to at least point out that I'm autistic. Yet such incidents have happened to me before where I know it was at the heart of my behavior at the time.

Though I expect in most instances people still won't understand. But hey...I guess I have to start somewhere.

 

[watersprite]

That's one thing that admittedly I need to work on in my own case. I really haven't gotten to the point where in the event of such an occurrence in public with strangers where I'm willing to at least point out that I'm autistic. Yet such incidents have happened to me before where I know it was at the heart of my behavior at the time.

Though I expect in most instances people still won't understand. But hey...I guess I have to start somewhere.

Judge I may have over-simplified how I stated this, and thus made my control of self and situation appear better than it is. So here is the darker albeit more complicated bit.

I had a really bad meltdown a few days ago which was precipitated by me feeling rejected by some folks. The details don't matter. It caused me to really hurt someone close to me and mess up big plans. After my brain 'un-numbed', started working again, about a week of not sleeping much and obsessing about this went by.

I asked for some advice from some wise online friends. Finally that is when I came to the realization that I have to let it go. I have to say to myself, " their opinion of me and what I am doing does not matter: they can go jump in the lake." I feel better now, but a lot older.

 

[watersprite]

I feel the same way except "go jump in the lake" in not the terminology that I would use. Obviously I am not nearly as nice of a person as you are.

Yes you are I think so anyway because in real life I swore rather badly about this.

 

[Judge]

I had a really bad meltdown a few days ago which was precipitated by me feeling rejected by some folks. The details don't matter. It caused me to really hurt someone close to me and mess up big plans. After my brain 'un-numbed', started working again, about a week of not sleeping much and obsessing about this went by.

I asked for some advice from some wise online friends. Finally that is when I came to the realization that I have to let it go. I have to say to myself, " their opinion of me and what I am doing does not matter: they can go jump in the lake." I feel better now, but a lot older.

I see your point. In many cases, our perception IS reality when it comes to feeling rejected. I know it sure is for me as well. Especially in real time where they may be consequences whether I really understand what's happening or not.

And that only later can we parse what may have happened, to make other conclusions. It's a challenge for us. In my own case I hate that I often will replay something over and over in my head. It isn't always easy to "let go either". It's still weird to recollect things going way back even into my childhood and now realize they were in fact, meltdowns.

 

[Maelstrom]

I try to be nice and survive the encounter somehow so there is less damage to repair later, but I can feel like not living anymore after some of these people meltdowns. I guess it is just something we have to endure in this life time, it can be very depressing at times.

 

[zurb]

If they don't use the official FB-999 form, you can disregard any unsolicited comments...

 

[Maelstrom]

Sorry! my girl does not wish

If they don't use the official FB-999 form, you can disregard any unsolicited comments...

I think there was a paper shortage near me last weekend.

 

[umbrellabeach]

Well, today I got my first unwanted comment since changing my hair. I glanced at my watch when it was about time for my break at work and a passing woman felt the need to tell me it wasn't time for me to get off yet, then walked away laughing. (Which could have been untrue; she didn't know when I was getting off!) This is eerily similar to that "it ain't time to go home yet" guy from a few months ago.

All I did was look at my watch. It's a very normal action that millions of people do every day. What, do I have to find a safe place to hide from customers just to check the time so they won't comment on it?

Furthermore, it's stupid that every customer seems to assume that all I can ever think about at work is getting off and going home. The start and end times of my shift are none of their darn business.

 

[Judge]

Well, today I got my first unwanted comment since changing my hair. I glanced at my watch when it was about time for my break at work and a passing woman felt the need to tell me it wasn't time for me to get off yet. (Which could have been untrue; she didn't know when I was getting off!) This is eerily similar to that "it ain't time to go home yet" guy from a few months ago.

All I did was look at my watch. It's a very normal action that millions of people do every day. What, do I have to find a safe place to hide from customers just to check the time so they won't comment on it?

Furthermore, it's stupid that every customer seems to assume that all I can ever think about at work is getting off and going home. The start and end times of my shift are none of their darn business.

That's just going way too far for any customer to make such a comment. No matter what their political reasoning might be.

 

[umbrellabeach]

That's just going way too far for any customer to make such a comment. No matter what their political reasoning might be.

Sometimes I want to confront them and say, "Why did you feel the need to make that comment? What did you think was going to come out of it?" etc.
And that's the SECOND time I've gotten a "not time to go home yet" comment.

 

[Judge]

Sometimes I want to confront them and say, "Why did you feel the need to make that comment? What did you think was going to come out of it?" etc.
And that's the SECOND time I've gotten a "not time to go home yet" comment.

IMO most likely it's a passive-aggressive resentment of your position. That the cost of a grocery bagger is considered unnecessary and weighs on the retail cost of groceries in general. Especially if you are a member of a union and in a "Right To Work" state where unionization can be quite contentious. Thus a veiled expression of political ire from a total stranger.

Worse if this is say, a unionized "Safeway" in close proximity of a Walmart, which doesn't employ baggers and may have comparable costs half that of your store. It's not about you personally, but you're a human being. How else can you take such an unwelcome comment? Plus it's an election cycle...and some folks get really wonky over such things at this particular time.

But still...for anyone to take their political ire out on you...it's deplorable. You're just trying to make a living the best you can. Maybe I'm wrong...but I suspect I'm spot-on. I've seen this sort of bias before in local grocery stores.

 

[umbrellabeach]

IMO most likely it's a passive-aggressive resentment of your position. That the cost of a grocery bagger is considered unnecessary and weighs on the retail cost of groceries in general. Especially if you are a member of a union and in a "Right To Work" state where unionization can be quite contentious. Thus an expression of political bias from a total stranger.

Worse if this is say, a unionized "Safeway" in close proximity of a Walmart, which doesn't employ baggers and may have comparable costs half that of your store. It's not about you personally, but you're a human being. How else can you take such an unwelcome comment? Plus it's an election cycle...and some folks get really wonky over such things at this particular time.

But still...for anyone to take their political ire out on you...it's deplorable. You're just trying to make a living the best you can. Maybe I'm wrong...but I suspect I'm spot-on. I've seen this sort of bias before in local grocery stores.

Unfortunately I am a member of a union (I work at Giant) - one that takes away more workers' rights than it gives. I plan to flame it in a Glassdoor review when I leave my job.

It never ocurred to me that politics could be involved. But if what you described is the case for at least some of these people, that makes me want to confront them even more. Chances are they won't want to openly admit that they don't like baggers, so it would be fun to watch them squirm and stammer. (Unless they tried to deflect the situation with more "jokes.")

I really wish I'd yelled at her to mind her own business. I briefly considered giving her the finger, but that would have gotten caught on camera.