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KevinMao133

KevinMao133

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  • KevinMao133
    Yes I am well aware not sleeping will push my body to further deterioration

    No, I don’t really care. I never expected to make it to 27, and I don’t care if I die before I turn 28

    I am still unlearning things, so I’m a baby who’s still growing
    KevinMao133
    Hope this helps

    It’s ok to not have a plan. A lot of what is being taught, needs to be unlearned

    It’s ok. Embrace, rather than loathe

    We in this together
    KevinMao133
    I will never go to another concert, ever again in my life

    Seeing all these people, especially women, brought back haunting memories, nightmares that still bother me
    oregano
    oregano
    AFAIC a concert is akin to the tenth circle of hell. Earsplittingly LOUD music, LOUD screaming fans packed like sardines into a big arena. And that's nowhere near getting into any sort of bad memories it may trigger. Recently thousands of Taylor Swift fans in Spain got covid at her concert there. Gouging my eardrums out with a rusty knife would be more pleasant.
    superboyian
    superboyian
    Could it be a sensory overload kind of situation that brings back haunting memories or something that has happened that was traumatic that has happened in the past?
    KevinMao133
    KevinMao133
    @superboyian it is. I saw some things that I shouldn’t have saw, as it triggered memories. I also went to a place where I feel wanted
    KevinMao133
    Coming to grips with something while also trying to challenge my beliefs

    I might not like woman after all. The more I think about it, the more I realized this: I vibe with guys better, since we are equal

    Some women in china secret admire me but I don’t like them, due to cultural differences as well as excessive white worshipping shown by them

    Wouldn’t call myself gay yet but I’m dangerously close
    oregano
    oregano
    There's a hashtag called #boysober going around social media. Basically women who have given up trying to find men or falling in love and are happy alone. #girlsober is the male version. Personally I'm #peoplesober.
    KevinMao133
    I’m battling depression recently. Suddenly feel like I’m losing control
    Judge
    Judge
    My experience with clinical depression has always reflected that you don't control it, but rather than you just wait it out. That it will ebb and flow like the tide.
    KevinMao133
    Just watched the documentary called the downfall on Diddy

    June 1st might be the start of my downfall. Had a good run, can’t complain
    tree
    tree
    What's special about the 1st of June?
    KevinMao133
    KevinMao133
    The day my dad finally left
    KevinMao133
    No one is 100% nice and I’m not going to sugarcoat things, I can be downright nasty at times

    That being said, they really trying to force a nice guy into a madmen. What is wrong with being an introvert? What is wrong with wanting my own space?

    Some people don’t like living with others, doesn’t mean they are the sinister one, they are just different
    KevinMao133
    I am spending most of my days questioning myself

    I know I shouldn’t and I’m not broken and the pressure of fitting in is overwhelmed

    I don’t know what to do anymore
    KevinMao133
    Still don’t understand why asian women love white guys and what’s the fascination

    That being said, I’m not even mad, since I’m not interested in pursuing relationships, at least romantic relationships

    Can’t get mad at things you have no control over
    KevinMao133
    Do I like women, do I not like them

    This is the question I need to ask myself and only I can answer

    I might be secretly gay, but it’s weird because I’m not into men either
    AuroraBorealis
    AuroraBorealis
    Because of the last sentence - are you aware of asexuality? You don't have to be attracted to men or women. It's also possible that you're attracted to neither.
    Crossbreed
    Crossbreed
    Even the Bible says that some are asexual.
    "But I say to the unmarried and to the widows: It is good for them if they remain [unmarried] even as I am;
    but if they cannot exercise self-control, let them marry. For it is better to marry than to burn with passion." -Apostle Paul, 1 Corinthians 7:8-9 NKJV
    KevinMao133
    I’m tired

    Tired of having to explain myself all the time. Tired of having to sacrifice myself. Tired of being a scapegoat of everything
    KevinMao133
    I still don’t like my father and wish he can vanish

    I feel like forgiving him is impossible. I’m willing to forgive myself but also a reach
    KevinMao133
    I just made a big mistake, by mistaking someone as a scammer when they aren’t

    They are asking me for money, which automatically rings a bell, as it’s a huge red flag for me

    Still, I don’t think I’m wrong on this one
    KevinMao133
    A documentary I wish I can unwatch but needed to watch: the downfall of Diddy. Free on Tubi.TV

    It’s very educational, so watch according to your own discretion

    That being said, if you are not in a good enough state, don’t watch it. Also don’t watch it at midnight
    KevinMao133
    Just had a panic attack now

    Considering I’m attend an event in a few hours, I am a little nervous

    With no expectations, I will go and I will enjoy myself
    KevinMao133
    My schedule goes like this:

    Morning: impossible to work, unproductive

    After an afternoon nap, I begin to work. Mostly I’m productive but however it depends

    I get going at night and I sleep at 3
    KevinMao133
    It takes forever for me to calm down and let go

    Just when I’m recovering, things again got worse

    I’m screwed
    KevinMao133
    Living with others has ruined my mindset

    I need to regain independence, as well as a month to recover

    It’s like being an addict. Life is different when you are normal
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