I have a lingering disgust in myself. Something that hangs in my mind like a mist. It's a feeling I have had for a long time. Though never this strongly. Maybe my inner conscience is breaking through the boggy mess of my mind.
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Today has definitely gone better. I feel accomplished in what I was apart of. And now I hope to have more of the same tomorrow.
Though in the end. It's truly in God's hands.
Starting Monday, I'll be setting up to start taking anxiety meds hopefully. This is the first step towards leveling out the chaos in my head.
I find each day is a struggle to smaller or larger extents. For either similar reasons to before, or for different reasons all together.
Either way. I aim to overcome them.
Having a bit of a difficult time with my anxiety again. I'm glad my call with my psychologist is this Friday. I have alot of things to go over with her.
I feel I cannot ignore aspects of myself anymore. I cannot ignore myself. I cannot ignore the world in my head, which brings me happiness. Truthfully. I feel my anxieties overshadow my inner world, more often than not.
I've started using the Hallow app. It's a really great app for practicing prayer and focusing on God. It's helped me find a semblance of peace and silence, in the loud and distracting evil of my psychosis.
Have faith.
I find myself questioning who this productive me is and how I can be that more. Instead of the mess of the humanbeing I normally am.
The world is full of madness. It's not my job to match it, nor feed into it.
I am strange. I like strange. I like myself.
I am not alone. I was never alone. Not when there are others that are like me. That have thier own fun things about them.
Let us all be our best, strange, selves.
If you feel nothing is worth it. Feel alone. Feel that nothing good will happen.
Pray. Reconcile these inner negativities.
Hiding does nothing.
This past day has been a interesting day. To say the least. A busy one too.
Each day I learn more about my mental problems. In hopes to overcome the delusions, once and for all.
Happy Halloween, Autism Forums~
A little Symphony of the Night music to close out October, on the eve of Halloween.
Hope everyone is enjoying thier Halloween so far.
I find myself asking myself where my passion is. What is my heart's desire? I do not have a answer. Yet I somehow feel like I know. I just need to find it. -
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