• Welcome to Autism Forums, a friendly forum to discuss Aspergers Syndrome, Autism, High Functioning Autism and related conditions.

    Your voice is missing! You will need to register to get access to the following site features:
    • Reply to discussions and create your own threads.
    • Our modern chat room. No add-ons or extensions required, just login and start chatting!
    • Private Member only forums for more serious discussions that you may wish to not have guests or search engines access to.
    • Your very own blog. Write about anything you like on your own individual blog.

    We hope to see you as a part of our community soon! Please also check us out @ https://www.twitter.com/aspiescentral

Burnout and breakup

AspieChris said:
You’re 100% correct. (I knew I’d get some negative remarks on that).

My suggestion was geared towards them learning the dating life together. Us guys with ASD can be very black and white, and rigid as hell, when it comes to “sharing” a romantic relationship. And as unfair and stupid as it sounds, my wife and I would probably be great friends today if she had dated anyone else after our first date, but we never would have progressed past that point. Our relationship becomes non-romantic the moment she has anything romantic with another man.

I’m only suggesting that the OP not take that chance if this guy is that important. It’s definitely not her responsibility to stay celibate while he pull his head out of his a**, but if she’s in love and wants it to go smoothly then maybe abstinence would help to guarantee an easier reconciliation.
Click to expand...
The fact that he is a black/white thinker is why I think he’s done.
 
Also the email I had sent which he sent that reply to was short and basically just asked if it was over because that was the feeling I was getting especially since the status change on fb.
That’s the “…I just want them be on my own…”
That’s why I don’t really think I’ll hear from him again.
 
Last edited:
I have said ‘it’s over’ a few times in my life. It’s never actually over until one of us commits a ‘deal-breaker’. That could be something that seems benign, such as making fun of my haircut behind my back. Or it could be huge, like sleeping with someone else. And this rule applies to all relationships, friends or romance are the same. It always feels like I mean it, so I learned eventually to stop saying it. But it generally means I’m overwhelmed, I don’t understand, and it feels like it will end in disaster anyway so lets just end it right now.
 
AspieChris said:
I have said ‘it’s over’ a few times in my life. It’s never actually over until one of us commits a ‘deal-breaker’. That could be something that seems benign, such as making fun of my haircut behind my back. Or it could be huge, like sleeping with someone else. And this rule applies to all relationships, friends or romance are the same. It always feels like I mean it, so I learned eventually to stop saying it. But it generally means I’m overwhelmed, I don’t understand, and it feels like it will end in disaster anyway so lets just end it right now.
Click to expand...
Right. That last sentence is him.
 
Lorelei528 said:
I would never ditch him. He broke up with me.
I wrote about it above. It started with extreme financial stress and anxiety.
Click to expand...

The fragment attached in post #5 mentions a "last time", and implies a considerable common context between that and this event.

FYI:
Nobody here will try to stop you doing what you have to do. Even if it's "wrong" in our eyes.

And if you want to be told something specific, perhaps someone will figure it out and tell you what you want to hear.

But it's literally one of the things we (ASDs) are most likely to have in common that we don't communicate in that indirect fashion the way as NT's do. So if you wanted to be told "you should/shouldn't cut & run" you'd need to ask in clear, concise, direct, unambiguous words.
 
Last edited:
Hypnalis said:
The fragment attached in post #5 mentions a "last time", and implies a considerable common context between that and this event.

FYI:
Nobody here will try to stop you doing what you have to do. Even if it's "wrong" in our eyes.

And if you want to be told something specific, perhaps someone will figure it out and tell you what you want to hear.

But it's literally one of the things we (ASDs) are most likely to have in common that we don't communicate in that indirect fashion the way as NT's do. So if you wanted to be told "you should/shouldn't cut & run" you'd need to ask in clear, concise, direct, unambiguous words.
Click to expand...
The last time was 25 years ago after his divorce and his mom passed away. This time it was from financial crisis/ extreme stress and anxiety because of it.
Yes I asked him if it was over in the one email I sent and he responded with “…I just want to be on my own”
 
Hypnalis said:
The fragment attached in post #5 mentions a "last time", and implies a considerable common context between that and this event.

FYI:
Nobody here will try to stop you doing what you have to do. Even if it's "wrong" in our eyes.

And if you want to be told something specific, perhaps someone will figure it out and tell you what you want to hear.

But it's literally one of the things we (ASDs) are most likely to have in common that we don't communicate in that indirect fashion the way as NT's do. So if you wanted to be told "you should/shouldn't cut & run" you'd need to ask in clear, concise, direct, unambiguous words.
Click to expand...
And my first post said what I wanted to hear was people’s own experiences not what I should or shouldn’t do.
 
Lorelei528 said:
Right. That last sentence is him.
Click to expand...
AspieChris said:
I have said ‘it’s over’ a few times in my life. It’s never actually over until one of us commits a ‘deal-breaker’. That could be something that seems benign, such as making fun of my haircut behind my back. Or it could be huge, like sleeping with someone else. And this rule applies to all relationships, friends or romance are the same. It always feels like I mean it, so I learned eventually to stop saying it. But it generally means I’m overwhelmed, I don’t understand, and it feels like it will end in disaster anyway so lets just end it right now.
Click to expand...
So those times you’re overwhelmed and feels like it will end in disaster you break up with the person? That is where his head is. Or that he can’t be the partner I want or need which isn’t at all the case.
 
Lorelei528 said:
And my first post said what I wanted to hear was people’s own experiences not what I should or shouldn’t do.
Click to expand...
As an autistic person, there are times when I just need to get away because I can't handle the sensory input.
This is common among ppl on the spectrum.

We often/usually have poor emotional intelligence.
We can't handle/manage emotions well.
He seems to fit the bill here, but it is only a guess.
 
Jonn said:
As an autistic person, there are times when I just need to get away because I can't handle the sensory input.
This is common among ppl on the spectrum.

We often/usually have poor emotional intelligence.
We can't handle/manage emotions well.
He seems to fit the bill here, but it is only a guess.
Click to expand...
No I understand all that. I wanted to know or get people’s experiences of those on the spectrum when they break up with someone if they ever go back.
 
Yes, before I married, I broke up with a couple of boyfriends and went back with them. I'm not proud I did that. ASD doesn't excuse jerkish behavior.
 
jsilver256 said:
About a month in both cases. No not in touch.
Click to expand...
Thank you so much for your reply. I know not every experience is the same but I’ve heard such negative things. In any case just trying to go day by day and trying to let go as I can’t wait if he never does. I think you know what I mean.
 
Lorelei528 said:
The fact that he is a black/white thinker is why I think he’s done.
Click to expand...
I had a girlfriend in high school who I was told (by an eye witness that I absolutely trusted) had been seen kissing her ex-boyfriend at a party. I really liked her but honesty and fidelity are non-negotiable for me. I was polite when she cried and denied the accusations, but that was the end of our relationship. Black and white.

A short time later, my “credible source” admitted that it was all a lie. A few of my ex-girlfriends friends had conspired to break us apart.

I then wanted us to get back together. Black and white. I don’t dwell on things I can’t change. She cheated, we’re done, no tears. Then I was wrong, I apologize, we get back together right??…..

It doesn’t work that way for NT’s. I understand that now. I learned to choose my words carefully (usually anyway), and delay big decisions like that because some things cannot be undone. And most NT’s think I am untrustworthy because I’m able to walk away from a bad situation without seeming to feel any remorse.

But why would we argue over salvaging something that cannot be fixed? It makes sense to me to walk away and move on quickly. But that kind of “Black & White” thinking gets me labeled as an emotionless robot.
 
You must log in or register to reply here.

New Threads

Top Bottom