Burnout and breakup

[Lorelei528]

Someone shared a very painful experience they had and you have a retort full of reprimand. There was no judgment in the comment you are responding to.

Do you often treat people that you've just met in the manner that you are treating some people in this thread?

Sometimes, we can find the answers to our problems by looking within and seeing where our own behavior has caused our troubles.

Someone judged my relationship as not real.
Knowing absolutely nothing about it except for what I’ve posted here. It’s insulting and hurtful but I guess that’s ok here

 

[Rodafina]

It’s insulting and hurtful but I guess that’s ok here

It will take you some time to learn about how "here" works and what to expect. If you are able to stick around for awhile, I expect you will learn that people are trying to help, not to hurt. We each have a different approach to helping and sometimes you can learn surprising things by listening to things that are uncomfortable to hear.

I would encourage you to slow down and listen since you came to hear the perspectives of people here.

 

[Lorelei528]

It will take you some time to learn about how "here" works and what to expect. If you are able to stick around for awhile, I expect you will learn that people are trying to help, not to hurt. We each have a different approach to helping and sometimes you can learn surprising things by listening to things that are uncomfortable to hear.

I would encourage you to slow down and listen since you came to hear the perspectives of people here.

Experiences with breaking up and getting back together or not. Not perspectives.
I don’t have any other questions so no real reason to.
Shouldn’t need to hear anything uncomfortable about my own relationship. Especially that it wasn’t real by someone who is a complete stranger.
People don’t seem to understand my initial question. There were only a few who answered directiy with their own experience.

 

[AspieChris]

Did you move on without telling her?

There was no chance of us being friends, so I saw no need to tell her anything about my life. I certainly didn’t feel like she should tell me if she had a new man in her life, and I was not concerned about whether she was caught up on what was going on in mine.

 

[Lorelei528]

There was no chance of us being friends, so I saw no need to tell her anything about my life. I certainly didn’t feel like she should tell me if she had a new man in her life, and I was not concerned about whether she was caught up on what was going on in mine.

No I mean did you break up with her without telling her?

 

[Aspychata]

perspective noun
/pərˈspek·tɪv/
perspective noun (VIEW)
a particular way of viewing things that depends on one’s experience and personality:

 

[Lorelei528]

perspective noun
/pərˈspek·tɪv/
perspective noun (VIEW)
a particular way of viewing things that depends on one’s experience and personality:

Yeah I know what it means. I’m didn’t ask for a definition lol but thanks for being condescending
Never once did I ask for perspective in my original post. I asked if anyone had broken up during a burnout period and gotten back in touch. Couldve literally been answered by a yes or a no

 

[Jonn]

No.

 

[AspieChris]

No I mean did you break up with her without telling her?

Sorry, I misunderstood you.

We argued, loudly and in person. I made my position very clear, that the relationship was over. I left and told her to keep the ring.

After that moment it was clear to me that we had never been compatible and we never talked again. I guess that by today’s standards it would be considered ‘ghosting’, but this was before cell phones and the internet.

 

[Hypnalis]

I asked if anyone had broken up during a burnout period and gotten back in touch. Couldve literally been answered by a yes or a no

I've never experienced anything remotely like "autistic burnout", so I looked it up in wikipedia.

Frankly the article looks like 21st century "fake soft-science": No references to factual articles dated earlier than 2020, and a few other indicators. For example they used a newspaper article as a reference /lol.

We do have some additional stress in our lives, and the wikipedia article hit some of the high spots.

But the big questions aren't whether we (ASDs) have some issues in common, but whether:
* The frequency of "burnout" is much higher in ASDs than in NTs
* The physical process is distinctly different from NTs
* The way we deal with the burnout is distinctly different

We seem to have a distinct kind of short-duration "meltdown", and we're much more likely to be avoidant, so on aggregate we don't profile the same as NTs. This isn't obvious enough to be used to identify adult ASDs in the population though.,

FWIW I've walked away, without drama, from a few relationships. In all cases but one I cut all ties, and didn't look back. The exception is my ex-wife. We're still friends, which is a good thing because we have children together.

 

[Lorelei528]

Sorry, I misunderstood you.

We argued, loudly and in person. I made my position very clear, that the relationship was over. I left and told her to keep the ring.

After that moment it was clear to me that we had never been compatible and we never talked again. I guess that by today’s standards it would be considered ‘ghosting’, but this was before cell phones and the internet.

I don’t see how that’s ghosting you told her in person that the relationship was over.

 

[Neri]

Hi all. I am brand spanking new here.
My bf of 5+ years is non diagnosed and I have recently realized he is on the spectrum and is experiencing burnout. I realized the night of the day he sent his last message to me.
He has cut off all contact but has also said he will reach out (twice in one message)
I sent one email from an old email I had and he responded that he just wanted to be on his own.
I know not everyone is the same but any experience in a partner (or yourself) going back to the relationship after a burnout?
He originally said it was a step back and a break but it seems permanent to me by that one line email he sent.
Ive done A LOT of reading and it’s not looking good. Is there any chance at all even 4, 8 months down the road?

Thanks so much.
Lori

I don't know if this will be helpful, but I posted this video about autistic burnout. It's from an neurodivergent doctor (I think, like me, he has autism and ADHD, but I only know for sure about the autism). I found it spot on and very helpful. It might provide some insight into autistic burnout for you.
Thread 'Autistic burn out, what it is, what to do if you have it and how to prevent it' Autistic burn out, what it is, what to do if you have it and how to prevent it

 

[Lorelei528]

I don't know if this will be helpful, but I posted this video about autistic burnout. It's from an neurodivergent doctor (I think, like me, he has autism and ADHD, but I only know for sure about the autism). I found it spot on and very helpful. It might provide some insight into autistic burnout for you.
Thread 'Autistic burn out, what it is, what to do if you have it and how to prevent it' Autistic burn out, what it is, what to do if you have it and how to prevent it

Thanks. I’ve been reading and researching since May 12. That’s why I think he has it.
It was actually a friend of mine who read the message he sent and said it sounded like autistic burnout.

 

[Masked Man]

With all due respect, ultimately, does it matter if this guy is autistic?

I mean, it seems pretty straight-forward here.

To use a metaphoric image, it seems like you're trying to put together a puzzle where several pieces are missing.

The "why's" don't matter. The experiences of other people don't matter. You're trying too hard to stay in control of a situation, and another person, that you can't control.

To preserve your peace, just let it go.

 

[Lorelei528]

With all due respect, ultimately, does it matter if this guy is autistic?

I mean, it seems pretty straight-forward here.

To use a metaphoric image, it seems like you're trying to put together a puzzle where several pieces are missing.

The "why's" don't matter. The experiences of other people don't matter. You're trying too hard to stay in control of a situation, and another person, that you can't control.

To preserve your peace, just let it go.

He’s the one in control and I’m not looking for control but thanks for your input

 

[Masked Man]

He’s the one in control... thanks for your input

Even more reason to let it go.

Glad I could help. Not worth fretting over an issue that you have no control over.

 

[Judge]

He’s the one in control and I’m not looking for control but thanks for your input

Sadly it's a basic human dynamic.

The individual who breaks up a relationship is most likely the one who can repair it. Conversely equally true is whether or not the other person has the ability to forgive and forget. Experiencing both sides of the same relationship I was once in.

Too bad that we have to be a such a complex species when it comes to interpersonal relationships.

 

[Lorelei528]

Even more reason to let it go.

Glad I could help. Not worth fretting over an issue that you have no control over.

Nope. But that doesn’t make it any less difficult or painful.

 

[Masked Man]

Thanks. I’ve been reading and researching since May 12. That’s why I think he has it.
It was actually a friend of mine who read the message he sent and said it sounded like autistic burnout.

I agree it's painful. It can help to redirect your attention. Spending time posting about it, rehashing the issue, is like picking at a scab. It's not helping the healing process.

Step away and do something you enjoy. You can't solve this puzzle. Get your mind away from the spiraling thoughts.

 

[Judge]

One thing for sure. It doesn't have to be social dynamics alone that can "set us off" at the expense of our most precious relationships.

That so many other things can so overwhelm us at times for us to make terribly rash decisions, including those involving relationships. Even when in any number of cases it may not involve those same people. Where a shutdown or more likely even an autistic meltdown can potentially have disastrous results.

I know in my own case over time I have learned not to make any critical decisions about much of anything when I would be under such stress. But then it took a long time to get there. Another reason reflecting why it's so important for us to recognize our own autism.