Corrupt A Wish

[Flinty]

Granted. They didn't live at all. Goodbye.

I wish the Floridian weather people weren't so obviously told to minimize the mentions of a certain country to the south of Florida.

 

[tree]

Wish Granted:
Florida weather people now have full permission to discourse
at length on the conditions in Antarctica.

I wish potatoes could talk.

 

[Reedstorm17]

Granted. It's kind of annoying, trying to eat something that talks, don't you think?

I wish the road would get paved tomorrow.

 

[Flinty]

Granted. (Fast, cheap, good. Pick one.)

I wish that politicians would stay away from disaster areas. (Example reference: Jean Chrétien, Winnipeg, spring 1997)

 

[Reedstorm17]

Granted. But how do we wipe out the bad politicians now?

I wish I killed myself two years ago when I wanted to.

 

[Flinty]

Granted. Now who would update this thread?

I wish I could escape this library.

 

[Reedstorm17]

Granted. You immediately find yourself in another library. Apparently you're in a library inside a library inside a library...

By the way, it never ends.

I wish I knew what I want.

 

[Flinty]

Granted. But you can't always get it.

I wish everyone always understood my references.

 

[tree]

Wish Granted.
They do and choose to ignore them in order to destroy your self-confidence.

I wish 90º angles were round.

 

[Flinty]

Granted. Every house in the world rolls off its foundation, except possibly some Frank Gehry works.

I wish I knew what to do with all these Air Miles.

 

[Streetwise]

Granted. You immediately find yourself in another library. Apparently you're in a library inside a library inside a library...

By the way, it never ends.

I wish I knew what I want.

Can I ask are you talking about Doctor Who ?

 

[Reedstorm17]

No, I'm not. Why?

 

[tree]

Granted. Every house in the world rolls off its foundation, except possibly some Frank Gehry works.

I wish I knew what to do with all these Air Miles.

Wish Granted.
You give them all to the Shnitznoodle who traipses
around them world on them, distributing his signature
"wind sandwiches" to victims of the recent hurricanes.
Many people starve as a result and you are held
legally responsible, because without your gift, he'd
never have left Johnny Gruelle's book.

I wish someone would read me a story.

 

[Flinty]

Granted. Fran Drescher will read you War and Peace. In the original Russian.

I wish my landlord would turn the heat on.

 

[Sabrina]

Granted. But it's so hot that you sweat all night, getting your pijamas and sheets wet with it, and you wake up every three hours because the heat doesn't let you sleep the whole night.

I wish I could teletransport.

 

[Fridgemagnetman]

Granted. You now have a job in england transporting tellies.

I wish i could transubstantiate into anything of my choice once per day, except on Sundays.

 

[Flinty]

Granted. However, on Sunday, you will transubstantiate into a mouse that wanders into the nearest cat cafe.

I wish to transport myself 16 hours and 4 minutes into the future.

 

[Reedstorm17]

Granted. You find yourself in empty space. The future has not been created yet. I guess you'll have to wait...

I wish I could go back in time eight years and one month so I can speak to my grandmother again.

 

[Flinty]

Granted. You say hi. Your grandmother immediately keels over.

I wish everybody would walk the dinosaur.

 

[Butterfly88]

Granted, but the dinosaur gets very hungry and eats all your most prized possessions.

I wish gay people weren't discriminated against.