Corrupt A Wish

[Vinca]

Granted! But now you can't wake up, and 7 dwarfs with dodgy eyesight, mistake you for sleeping beauty and go in search of prince charming to come and give you 'true love's kiss"...

I wish my farts were silent and smelt like spearmint.

 

[Aspergirl4hire]

Granted. You are now Rip Van Winkle!

I wish my chiropractor would just fix my spine and not try to sell me supplements.

 

[StephF]

I didn't know that Rip Van Winkle had spearmint farts ! =D

Granted ! Your spine and many other body parts have been fixed although the downside is that you clank when you walk and the main word in your vocabulary is "Delete !!"

I wish I could swim underwater without holding my breath like the Man from Atlantis.

 

[Vinca]

Granted. You are Teleported between two telepods, but forget that you swollowed a whole goldfish for your breakfast, so when you materlialize in the second telepod, your DNA has been mixed with that of a gold fish ( think Jeff Goldblum in The Fly, except with a goldfish) To start off with you feel fine, but each time you wash, and remove another layer of dead skin, your complexion becomes increasingly orangey, shiny and scaly. You develope a 3 second memory and a fascination with running round in circles. Eventually you turn into a human size goldfish, fortunately you are next to a lake when this happens and you jump in and swim away.


I wish I had goose that lay pure gold eggs.

 

[zurb]

Granted. But there's a giant that wants your goose. And your bones end up being ground to make his bread.

I wish I didn't have to shave.

 

[Vinca]

Granted, every single one of your hair follicles is now 'in growing' so all your hair grows underneath your skin giving it a weird bumpy texture, but look on the bright side it's perfectly hair free

I wish I could sing as well as the best singer in the world!

 

[zurb]

Granted. But now you don't have any time to yourself. You are in constant demand, and your agent doesn't understand your need for time out. As an aspie, you are facing an imminent meltdown!

I wish my lawns were self mowing.

 

[Vinca]

Granted. But, the little gnomes that keep your lawn mowed are over eager when it come to mowing and you and the rest of your family and pets wake up one morning to find you have all been 'mowed' and are now sporting no.1 haircuts.

I wish I new averything that would happen in the future.

 

[zurb]

Granted. But now nothing surprises you. Life is boring. Books are boring. TV and movies are boring. You know it all already. Life is so boring. You are falling into a great depression. But of course you knew that too. The only bright spark is that you are now very well known - at least among the betting agents. And your book reviews are famous for being released before the book itself.

I wish I had a private supersonic aircraft.

 

[StephF]

Granted ! Your supersonic aircraft keeps creating sonic booms and breaking windows.
There is a line of angry people outside wanting compensation.

I wish I had freezing powers like Iceman from the X Men

 

[Flinty]

Granted. You're frozen.

I wish I could go to fewer non-work-related meetings.

 

[zurb]

Granted. Management have made it a policy to have 'less non-work-related meetings.' Everyone is talking about how good it is to have 'less non-work-related meetings.' As a grammar nazi you want to tell them all it's 'fewer' not 'less', but you are losing the battle. It's making your head hurt! You are contemplating calling a non-work-related meeting to deal with the issue.


I wish I knew what to eat for breakfast (It's too early in the day to make such decisions!)

 

[Vinca]

Granted. I have decided for you, that you will eat haggis for breakfast everyday, problem solved!

I wish I had a flying car.

 

[StephF]

Granted, your accelerator pedal gets stuck open and your car goes ever faster eventually shooting off the edge of the harbour and flying through the air before gravity pulls you down into the water. I hope you can swim

I wish I knew the lottery numbers for next weeks draw !

 

[Flinty]

Granted. So do 70 million others. Enjoy your buck-fifteen.

I wish for a good night's sleep tonight.

 

[StephF]

Granted ! You are now Rip Van Winkle. You wake up 150 years later, trip over your own beard and realise you've missed all your favourite TV shows. On top of that you have a debt of £1 billion in fines as you never returned that book to the library.

I wish I had a transporter like in Star Trek.

 

[Aspergirl4hire]

Granted. However, the designer's last project was for a Hitchcock movie titled The Fly, and as a result, you now walk in the same patterns that a housefly uses and you taste things with your feet. You also have an uncontrollable compulsion to visit dumpsters.

I wish I were still in art class.

 

[StephF]

Granted. However you are now an exhibit in Hannibal Lecter's museum of gothic art.

I wish I was 30 years younger.

 

[Vinca]

Granted. However you are now an exhibit in Hannibal Lecter's museum of gothic art.

Granted, but the dial on the 'de-ager' machine is set to dog years, so it makes you 210 human years younger and now you no longer exist (unless you are older than 210yrs )

I wish I had a remote control that controlled the volume of people, animals, road works, aeroplanes, basically everything and anything that makes noise.

 

[inabox]

Granted. It increases the volume of everything to 1 billion Decibels beautifully!! The people living on Mars are very grateful!

I wish I could find a hat that fitted me and didn't make me look like a freak