Good morning/evening.

[Tired]

Here's a suggestion. Start a thread about one of those "burning questions" and people like me will, happily respond.

You don't have to feel compelled to reply to every response. An emoji is a nice easy response if things get too busy to respond in writing to every responder, but you can pursue lines of response that intrigue you and ask us more questions, if you desire.

I'm very happy to be utterly frank, I prefer the open shared communal space that can opened up to surprising and informative responses from you-never-know-where

I do have a feeling sometimes that if i dont answer someone for something they'll think i'm rude, or that i dislike them, so i actually struggle to know when to back off from the conversation haha
But thanks, that sounds like a smart idea!
And yeah, everyone's life would be easier if people just sit down and openly talk about what is bothering them, or makes them confused

 

[Levitat0r]

Kim Peek was a really interesting study in mental diversity. Maybe the biggest lesson I've learned accepting myself is the concept of the retinal blind spot. You actually have a blind spot in the middle of your field of vision, but your brain filters it out, and you're not aware of it unless you look at certain things, usually deliberately designed to make it obvious to you. So, we are made diverse deliberately in order to poke each other in our blindspots so that we can be made more conscious and aware about life.

I never understood how different I am from other people, because nobody could explain it to me. I had to begin traveling the world in order to notice that I'm the one that gets treated the same everywhere I go. I really have no awareness of what I'm doing differently, and yet there it is, somewhere in the blindspot I only notice when I interact with other people. When I was a kid I absorbed two human languages entirely passively, and then I began absorbing computer languages through deliberate study because there were no humans around to talk to. I was labeled "gifted" as a kid, but I am nowhere nearly the freak of myth, legend, or Hollywood.

People are mostly empty space, like styrofoam is. We'd never learn humility or to appreciate each other's contributions if we weren't made to poke each other in the empty spots. We are, and yet so much of the suffering in the world is man's refusal to be humble and welcome to be shown he's full of voids and empty spaces; all of us are.

 

[Tired]

Kim Peek was a really interesting study in mental diversity. Maybe the biggest lesson I've learned accepting myself is the concept of the retinal blind spot. You actually have a blind spot in the middle of your field of vision, but your brain filters it out, and you're not aware of it unless you look at certain things, usually deliberately designed to make it obvious to you. So, we are made diverse deliberately in order to poke each other in our blindspots so that we can be made more conscious and aware about life.

I never understood how different I am from other people, because nobody could explain it to me. I had to begin traveling the world in order to notice that I'm the one that gets treated the same everywhere I go. I really have no awareness of what I'm doing differently, and yet there it is, somewhere in the blindspot I only notice when I interact with other people. When I was a kid I absorbed two human languages entirely passively, and then I began absorbing computer languages through deliberate study because there were no humans around to talk to. I was labeled "gifted" as a kid, but I am nowhere nearly the freak of myth, legend, or Hollywood.

People are mostly empty space, like styrofoam is. We'd never learn humility or to appreciate each other's contributions if we weren't made to poke each other in the empty spots. We are, and yet so much of the suffering in the world is man's refusal to be humble and welcome to be shown he's full of voids and empty spaces; all of us are.

Yeah, we do same thing with not seeing our nose which is infront of our eyes all the time. Or how you don't think about breathing in and out ever second.

I'm right now watching a video of one guy from here, that one about kangaroos, and I can immediately tell what makes him look and sound different to me (in no way is it bad or weird to me, mostly adorable or interesting), so I'm surprised that in all your life you don't have anyone to tell you what makes you seem "strange" in their eyes. What about your relatives, your therapist?

You sound to me like you see NT people in mostly black (even though you have high hopes in finding people who are grey or white, because you met mostly black, you just kind of expect everyone to be like that, which I totally understandand and can even connect to. Also wasnt talking about skin color right now, just in case anyone reads this and doesnt understand), so I'm glad that you came to this forum to see that people with ASD very much have friends, spouses, kids etc.

 

[Human Avatar]

@Tired Anna

Hello Goodmorning/evening
Hope you like it here on the forum.

 

[Levitat0r]

Yeah, we do same thing with not seeing our nose which is infront of our eyes all the time. Or how you don't think about breathing in and out ever second.

I'm right now watching a video of one guy from here, that one about kangaroos, and I can immediately tell what makes him look and sound different to me (in no way is it bad or weird to me, mostly adorable or interesting), so I'm surprised that in all your life you don't have anyone to tell you what makes you seem "strange" in their eyes. What about your relatives, your therapist?

You sound to me like you see NT people in mostly black (even though you have high hopes in finding people who are grey or white, because you met mostly black, you just kind of expect everyone to be like that, which I totally understandand and can even connect to. Also wasnt talking about skin color right now, just on case anyone reads thos qnd doesnt understand), so I'm glad that you came to this forum to see that people with ASD very much have friends, spouses, kids etc.

Well, because kids do not have any shame about cruelty when they are young, they will tell you you are problematic by insulting you. Eventually, they are taught that their commentary reflects badly on them, and then they instead simply turn their back on you, leaving you less insulted, but even more confused and bewildered. They do tell you you're unpleasant, you're annoying, you're irritating, you're unwelcome, but they don't tell you why. I suspect they seldom know why themselves. People don't care why sandpaper is irritating, they push it away and forget about it... until they have a use for it, anyway.

 

[Tired]

Well, because kids do not have any shame about cruelty when they are young, they will tell you you are problematic by insulting you. Eventually, they are taught that their commentary reflects badly on them, and then they instead simply turn their back on you, leaving you less insulted, but even more confused and bewildered. They do tell you you're unpleasant, you're annoying, you're irritating, you're unwelcome, but they don't tell you why. I suspect they seldom know why themselves. People don't care why sandpaper is irritating, they push it away and forget about it... until they have a use for it, anyway.

Well, if it helps you, you can send me in dm a video of yourself talking about stuff you like and dislike, walking, sitting, and I will tell you what looks different to me

 

[Levitat0r]

Yeah, we do same thing with not seeing our nose which is infront of our eyes all the time. Or how you don't think about breathing in and out ever second.

I'm right now watching a video of one guy from here, that one about kangaroos, and I can immediately tell what makes him look and sound different to me (in no way is it bad or weird to me, mostly adorable or interesting), so I'm surprised that in all your life you don't have anyone to tell you what makes you seem "strange" in their eyes. What about your relatives, your therapist?

You sound to me like you see NT people in mostly black (even though you have high hopes in finding people who are grey or white, because you met mostly black, you just kind of expect everyone to be like that, which I totally understandand and can even connect to. Also wasnt talking about skin color right now, just in case anyone reads this and doesnt understand), so I'm glad that you came to this forum to see that people with ASD very much have friends, spouses, kids etc.

Some people do learn compassion, but I think they are quite rare. I feel like I achieved something by finding my poor one-handed friend's disabilities lovable. They filled me with respect for her, and the desire to be there for her. I had to suffer a lot to achieve that kind of empathy, sadly. I would like to think I would have done ok earlier in life, but she stumbled into place at the ideal time to emphasize life lessons, and I felt like there was purpose involved.

 

[Crossbreed]

..., kids...

Speaking of which,
my family score card,...

⚤ ♀♀♂♂♂♂♂♂♀♀♂♂⎛♀⎞♂♀♂♂♂

 

[Tired]

@Tired Anna

Hello Goodmorning/evening
Hope you like it here on the forum.

Hello, I indeed like it here, hope you like it here too

 

[Human Avatar]

Hello, I indeed like it here, hope you like it here too

That’s good . I do on occasion. When I feel social . Lots of good information and perspectives to read here as well .

 

[Levitat0r]

Some people do learn compassion, but I think they are quite rare. I feel like I achieved something by finding my poor one-handed friend's disabilities lovable. They filled me with respect for her, and the desire to be there for her. I had to suffer a lot to achieve that kind of empathy, sadly. I would like to think I would have done ok earlier in life, but she stumbled into place at the ideal time to emphasize life lessons, and I felt like there was purpose involved.

I don't think I was a callous jerk before that, but I mean, I really loved this girl. I was totally preoccupied with her poor hand, and wanting to know everything about what it's like to go through life like her. We were so comfortable with each other, and we would play pranks on each other to try to shed a happy light on her situation, and then after laughing off rather terrible things, I would hug her and explain that the silliness emphasizes to me that there are things I can help her with, not because she's not independent, but because I love to be there for her. If I call her a One-Handed Princess, it's because then I'll remember to open her ketchup packets for her; because I like to. That's a gap which experienced filled out in my being so that I would love more deeply and more often.

 

[Tired]

That’s good . I do on occasion. When I feel social . Lots of good information and perspectives to read here as well .

Yeah, exactly why i came here in the first place - to learn about people with ASD, and this place is just a treasure trove

 

[Levitat0r]

Yeah, exactly why i came here in the first place - to learn about people with ASD, and this place is just a treasure trove

Ok, so you wanted to comment on how you think I come off to people. This is me:

 

[Human Avatar]

@Tired Anna

If you ever need to chat or learn about music that is my main special interest.

I love composing music. I really have a passion for film music Scfi/horror( especially Bernard Herrmann,Danny Elfman ) and video game music , I really enjoy the music composed on Minecraft by C148 as well .
Been listening to The Celeste video game soundtrack lately. It is composed and arranged so well .

Few other special interests of mine are vintage musical equipment, and old advertisements .

 

[Tired]

Ok, so you wanted to comment on how you think I come off to people. This is me:

do you want me to write my thoughts here?

 

[Levitat0r]

do you want me to write my thoughts here?

Sure, I don't mind. Wouldn't we all like to know examples as to where we're going wrong?

 

[Tired]

@Tired Anna

If you ever need to chat or learn about music that is my main special interest.

I love composing music. I really have a passion for film music Scfi/horror( especially Bernard Herrmann,Danny Elfman ) and video game music , I really enjoy the music composed on Minecraft by C148 as well .
Been listening to The Celeste video game soundtrack lately. It is composed and arranged so well .

Few other special interests of mine are vintage musical equipment, and old advertisements .

I'm definitely always up for chatting
Can you send me stuff which you composed? Here or DM, anywhere is fine.
Ah yes, the minecraft music, which makes my skin crawl sometimes by the way how cool it sounds like.
Did you listen to "Bastion" music? I dunno is it because i played through all the game, saw characters, story etc, but that music always hits me on the head when i listen to it, and it has also those battle themes, random walking around themes, songs even, check it out if you didn't

Do you collect that equipment or just like finding info about it?
And ah yes old adverts, they always looks like people lived different lives there, and things which look cheesy and bizarre now, before looked cool

 

[Human Avatar]

@Tired Anna

Sure I can do that, composing something very sci/fi at the moment, it is my interpretation of what it must feel like discovering a unknown planet in my mind , so it’s a play on motifs of being scared but also the feeling of discovery and intrigue as well. Will have that mixed and done by Wednesday.

Agreed about the Minecraft music , I also like that it is programmed to be random on the game , I think that is what gives the game some of its magic!

I did not hear Bastion Music , I will be sure to check it out . Thanks for the recommendation.sounds like something I would like .

Yeah musical equipment I do both collect , use on my recordings , and also constantly learning about. Actually the song I was describing I put a Theremin on it.

I know the past styles and the way people lived is so interesting to me . I often daydream wondering how life would be experienced in certain periods of time .

 

[Tired]

Sure, I don't mind. Wouldn't we all like to know examples as to where we're going wrong?

Take all this as just my view on what i see from one random video, and this is just my interpretation of how i perceive the world and people i see in them, of course other people will have different opinions. i'm also sure that you behave differently when you actually have a live human being having conversation with you and not just staying and talking to a camera.
From just this video i can see that, when you think about stuff, you sometimes do just become ultra quiet and stare in one place, which can look weird, because most people just kinda widget and look around, smile, do grimaces trying to remember, do a lot of those "ughhh" or "hmmm" or "errr". You just do it with this very serious face (which is probably just your normal resting face), so you can look angry or disapproving to some. Even on your avatar here you look scowling to me because of your eyebrows.
And you also don't move your eyebrows and eyes much in the video, and i myself read a lot of info from person's face by the way they move eyebrows and where they move their eyes, so when you just don't do that it removes a layer of my understanding and imagining how and what you're thinking at the moment. You did wiggle your eyebrows in the end of the video, but it looked to me like you did that intentionally, not just like it's a part of what you were saying (most of us move eyebrows unintentionally).
It isn't strange to me that you don't look in the eyes (camera), but here you do look in the eyes sometimes for just a moment, then you immediately look away, which can make people think that you're scared of them (which immediately makes some people feel power over you, like huh this dude is intimidated by me, it means i'm better in some way so i better start actually behaving like that), are lying (which doesn't make my sense to me cause a lot of people can look you in the eyes and lie, yet for some reason it's this common thing to think that if someone isn't looking in your eyes while saying something important it means they're lying) or are uncomfortable about something. It would feel more natural to me if you looked in my eyes for lets say 5-10 seconds, while telling something ultra important, and then looking away again, what "trips me off" is that you just do it pretty fast.
Also in the start of the video you very visibly swallowed, it looks like you put effort in it and that you're very uncomfortable or nervous, because this is how nervous characters are shown in cartoons - they swallow (they also grin, whistle etc, but that isn't the point).
All in all, if i met you irl and you never told me before you're autistic and behaved ike that - i would feel strange at some moments, but definitely not repulsed, plus the more time i would spend around you the better i would start understanding why are you doing things a bit differently.
Another thing is that i dont see your posture and hand movements here, and they also mean A LOT when you have a dialogue with someone.

And I can't say anything "wrong" about the song video, i don't hear very good what you're singing cause english isn't my native and your guitar is loud, but all you did there looked normal

 

[Levitat0r]

Take all this as just my view on what i see from one random video, and this is just my interpretation of how i perceive the world and people i see in them, of course other people will have different opinions. i'm also sure that you behave differently when you actually have a live human being having conversation with you and not just staying and talking to a camera.
From just this video i can see that, when you think about stuff, you sometimes do just become ultra quiet and stare in one place, which can look weird, because most people just kinda widget and look around, smile, do grimaces trying to remember, do a lot of those "ughhh" or "hmmm" or "errr". You just do it with this very serious face (which is probably just your normal resting face), so you can look angry or disapproving to some. Even on your avatar here you look scowling to me because of your eyebrows.
And you also don't move your eyebrows and eyes much in the video, and i myself read a lot of info from person's face by the way they move eyebrows and where they move their eyes, so when you just don't do that it removes a layer of my understanding and imagining how and what you're thinking at the moment. You did wiggle your eyebrows in the end of the video, but it looked to me like you did that intentionally, not just like it's a part of what you were saying (most of us move eyebrows unintentionally).
It isn't strange to me that you don't look in the eyes (camera), but here you do look in the eyes sometimes for just a moment, then you immediately look away, which can make people think that you're scared of them (which immediately makes some people feel power over you, like huh this dude is intimidated by me, it means i'm better in some way so i better start actually behaving like that), are lying (which doesn't make my sense to me cause a lot of people can look you in the eyes and lie, yet for some reason it's this common thing to think that if someone isn't looking in your eyes while saying something important it means they're lying) or are uncomfortable about something. It would feel more natural to me if you looked in my eyes for lets say 5-10 seconds, while telling something ultra important, and then looking away again, what "trips me off" is that you just do it pretty fast.
Also in the start of the video you very visibly swallowed, it looks like you put effort in it and that you're very uncomfortable or nervous, because this is how nervous characters are shown in cartoons - they swallow (they also grin, whistle etc, but that isn't the point).
All in all, if i met you irl and you never told me before you're autistic and behaved ike that - i would feel strange at some moments, but definitely not repulsed, plus the more time i would spend around you the better i would start understanding why are you doing things a bit differently.
Another thing is that i dont see your posture and hand movements here, and they also mean A LOT when you have a dialogue with someone.

And I can't say anything "wrong" about the song video, i don't hear very good what you're singing cause english isn't my native and your guitar is loud, but all you did there looked normal

That's actually very helpful, because it's roughly what I expected to hear, and it gives me some peace that at least I know where I stand. In fact, there were no hand movement or gestures, because I seldom do them, unless I feel extremely comfortable talking to someone. What this boils down to is what I've said about myself already. There is a lot of stuff that people do subconsciously, and I am simply wired differently. It doesn't happen, and if I did it the way you describe, I would be acting Hollywood-style, and that doesn't interest me. It's frustrating that these tiny details, taken together, can leave you sitting in your room alone with nobody in your life, but that's how things work. You're very kind, and I appreciate your comments.