Hello, I'm Neia, and I think I might be on the spectrum.

[Outdated]

My story is similar never diagnosed figured it out for myself mid fifties.

An actual diagnosis doesn't matter unless like me you're trying to get a pension. Understanding yourself better and finding ways to make life more enjoyable is all that really counts.

 

[Neia]

An actual diagnosis doesn't matter unless like me you're trying to get a pension. Understanding yourself better and finding ways to make life more enjoyable is all that really counts.

My brain doesn't work like that.

I have difficulty with not having a diagnosis for whatever condition I may have. Like my asthma. I knew I wasn't OK, but I was told I was imagining it, so I believed that.
Of course that after a number of similar situations occurring, I have begun to realise that some doctors are jerks who couldn't care less.
But I still "need" an official diagnosis.

That way, next time I laugh in someone's face because they said something stupid, I can offer an apology and know I wasn't being a jerk

It was horrible growing up believing I was just mean, selfish uncaring,... because I never wanted to be that but didn't know how to be different.

I need it for myself first.
Then maybe for a possible pension, in about 10 to 12 years, because my country is a bit stingy.

I'm 53 now...

 

[Outdated]

My diagnosis did give me a few advantages. I have a special autism identity card that I can show to people when I need to. It's mostly for when dealing with government departments, police, etc. If the person I'm talking to is causing me stress I can show the card and they're obliged to stop talking to me and go and get someone trained in communicating with autistic people to talk to me instead.

I have no idea if it'll work with doctors, maybe I should try it one day instead of calling them recalcitrant and walking out.

 

[Neia]

My diagnosis did give me a few advantages. I have a special autism identity card that I can show to people when I need to. It's mostly for when dealing with government departments, police, etc. If the person I'm talking to is causing me stress I can show the card and they're obliged to stop talking to me and go and get someone trained in communicating with autistic people to talk to me instead.

I have no idea if it'll work with doctors, maybe I should try it one day instead of calling them recalcitrant and walking out.

I basically called my psychologist a jerk last time he wasn't happy.

 

[Tom]

For me, the first diagnosis (and only formal one) was Anxiety. And I did also experience it getting worse with age. I have found physciatrist/doctor prescribed medication to be very helpful, but it can be a difficult task to find the right one that works for you. Not everyone likes the medication route. Just wanted to mention it works for me.

As far as being on the spectrum. I have known since childhood I was different and began seriuously masking by age 15. But back then ASD-1 wasn't really well known, not a 'thing' as people might phrase it today. I finally began figuring it out when researching it for understanding a nephew, but being in the military I did not wish to self identify something that might cause problems with my career. Afterwards I still haven't sought a ASD diagnosis, as it wouldn't matter for me. I, my spouse and closest friends and family know and that is enough.

 

[Alexej]

I basically called my psychologist a jerk last time he wasn't happy.

How much do they know about autism?

Not just the typical symptoms, but the range of presentations of autism.
(Consider also that autism in females is different to autism in males).

 

[Neia]

How much do they know about autism?

Not just the typical symptoms, but the range of presentations of autism.
(Consider also that autism in females is different to autism in males).

Not much is my guess.

 

[Xinyta]

I'm here because a friend advised me to join a forum so I can ask questions from people who can answer them from experience.

I only started thinking I may be autistic a little while ago. After I began researching anxiety and panic attacks because I was having huge meltdowns.

Youtube suggested some videos of people who were diagnosed with autism late in life, and I watched out of curiosity.
After the very first video I couldn't help but identify myself with this woman who was speaking about her life long suffering.
All I could think was "This is me!".

After some time, and a lot of inner struggle, I finally asked my GP to refer me to a clinic so I can do the tests.
The ones I did online gave me results of 68 out of 72, 45 out of 50 and the one I did in my own language (English is my second language) gave me a result of 44 out of 50 with an empathy level of 20.

I feel overwhelmed by life. Have been feeling more and more overwhelmed with time. I used to be able to cope. But not anymore. That's when the panic attacks started.

Sorry for the long ramble. Can't help it.

Glad to have you with us @Neia

I have lived a large majority of my life in anxiety and depression. Think I had depression, of some sort, all my life. It didn't help I had emotionally neglectful/absent parents. My father is absentee, overall, in my life. And my stepmother is absentee in my adult life.

The NT world doesn't help with the anxiety of being autistic. It never has. It never will.

Sadly. We have to cope with the unfair world of NTs, whether we like it or not. Though we DON'T have to do things or behave exactly as NTs want us to. It's not for anyone to decide what autistic traits you must and mustn't show. That is up to you as a person. Only you know yourself.

People who cannot like you, for you, are not worth your time. NT or ND.

But you are very much welcome here. Don't be afraid to share any problems you are comfortable with mentioning. We all are happy to help.

We also have site resources and plenty of member threads to look through. I'm sure you'll find things that'll help.

 

[mysterionz]

What I find more anxiety-inducing is that my psychologist told me, without any knowledge of my history other than the fact that I have lots of panic attacks, that I can't be autistic.

As an autistic person, what your psychologist said doesn’t make sense. My therapist mentioned that anxiety is a very common comorbidity among autistic people, often coupled with ADHD. One of the members in my group therapy sessions is also AuDHD like I am.

As an adult woman, you’ll likely have a tough time trying to find somebody that can diagnose you as autism in women has more covert traits like masking (hiding your symptoms when in public) and because the media has stereotyped autism as something that only affects boys that makes them socially awkward and savants (and they almost always have a special interest in trains for some reason)

I’m hoping that you getting a diagnosis will serve as an answer to the “why” you want to answer, such as “why did I feel different as a kid”?

 

[Heroine of Winds]

Welcome! <3 Make yourself at home here! !

 

[Shamar]

I'm here because a friend advised me to join a forum so I can ask questions from people who can answer them from experience.

I only started thinking I may be autistic a little while ago. After I began researching anxiety and panic attacks because I was having huge meltdowns.

Youtube suggested some videos of people who were diagnosed with autism late in life, and I watched out of curiosity.
After the very first video I couldn't help but identify myself with this woman who was speaking about her life long suffering.
All I could think was "This is me!".

After some time, and a lot of inner struggle, I finally asked my GP to refer me to a clinic so I can do the tests.
The ones I did online gave me results of 68 out of 72, 45 out of 50 and the one I did in my own language (English is my second language) gave me a result of 44 out of 50 with an empathy level of 20.

I feel overwhelmed by life. Have been feeling more and more overwhelmed with time. I used to be able to cope. But not anymore. That's when the panic attacks started.

Sorry for the long ramble. Can't help it.

My story is much like yours. I was diagnosed at age 60, and until then I had no idea. All I knew was that I was different from everybody else, could never fit in, and could not socialize. The understanding that accompanied the diagnosis was a relief, because I now had a reason and explanation for everything that had happened. I am still working out the losses I suffered by not being diagnosed earlier. At any rate, from your description, it looks like you belong here. Welcome, and ask questions as you see fit.

 

[Rodafina]

Hello and welcome, @Neia. Happy to have you here. Hope you enjoy the forum and feel at ease here.

 

[Neia]

Thank you all so much for your kind words and for sharing your own experiences.

It does feel good to know I'm not the only "odd one out" although it feels rather selfish of myself to say this.

I have questions that I didn't know who to ask.
But not tonight. It's past 1 am here. I should really be asleep I was only able to get about 4 hours of sleep last night, and with lots of interruptions.

Thanks again for the welcome and kindness.

P.S. - please don't feel annoyed if I keep saying "thank you" all the time it's a thing I can't help but do... unless I'm having one of those totally off days, and then I'll even forget to say Hi
Please don't feel offended when I'm rude. I don't want to be, it just comes out that way.

 

[MNAus]

Thank you all so much for your kind words and for sharing your own experiences.

It does feel good to know I'm not the only "odd one out" although it feels rather selfish of myself to say this.

I have questions that I didn't know who to ask.
But not tonight. It's past 1 am here. I should really be asleep I was only able to get about 4 hours of sleep last night, and with lots of interruptions.

Thanks again for the welcome and kindness.

P.S. - please don't feel annoyed if I keep saying "thank you" all the time it's a thing I can't help but do... unless I'm having one of those totally off days, and then I'll even forget to say Hi
Please don't feel offended when I'm rude. I don't want to be, it just comes out that way.

Hi Neia, welcome.

First up, no need to worry that people will not accept you. Sometimes the language used here can feel, to the uninitiated, as cold, confrontational or condescending, but we all understand the challenges each other have. That doesn't mean no-one will ever read things the wrong way, but usually a simple note to help them understand your intent if they do so is sufficient. No need to say sorry upfront for all messages (and this coming from someone who says sorry a LOT).

I basically called my psychologist a jerk last time he wasn't happy.

From what you said that sounds pretty accurate. Statements like "can't be autistic" should never come from the mouth of a psychologist. Sure, after an absolute battery of tests we can say things like "your results strongly suggest another cause for your symptoms", but "no, it's not possible" is ridiculous.

Also worth knowing is that autism might not be the cause of all the things you experience, even if you are autistic, it might not provide all answers. Autism seems to come with a lot of comorbidities that tend to need addressing in addition. But knowing that autism is kind of at the centre of a lot of it can really help.

My brain doesn't work like that.

I have difficulty with not having a diagnosis for whatever condition I may have. Like my asthma. I knew I wasn't OK, but I was told I was imagining it, so I believed that.
Of course that after a number of similar situations occurring, I have begun to realise that some doctors are jerks who couldn't care less.
But I still "need" an official diagnosis.

I understand. The confidence that you are not mistaken can be very positive. Quite a lot of people on the spectrum struggle with some degree of imposter syndrome - partially because the spectrum is so broad, making comparisons a bit useless.

Regardless of the outcome of a diagnosis, you have a right to understand what's causing your symptoms and to give yourself the best chance of tackling them. That needs a health care professional who works with you, not against you. Perhaps there are other psychologists out there?

 

[Neia]

Hi Neia, welcome.

First up, no need to worry that people will not accept you. Sometimes the language used here can feel, to the uninitiated, as cold, confrontational or condescending, but we all understand the challenges each other have. That doesn't mean no-one will ever read things the wrong way, but usually a simple note to help them understand your intent if they do so is sufficient. No need to say sorry upfront for all messages (and this coming from someone who says sorry a LOT).



From what you said that sounds pretty accurate. Statements like "can't be autistic" should never come from the mouth of a psychologist. Sure, after an absolute battery of tests we can say things like "your results strongly suggest another cause for your symptoms", but "no, it's not possible" is ridiculous.

Also worth knowing is that autism might not be the cause of all the things you experience, even if you are autistic, it might not provide all answers. Autism seems to come with a lot of comorbidities that tend to need addressing in addition. But knowing that autism is kind of at the centre of a lot of it can really help.


I understand. The confidence that you are not mistaken can be very positive. Quite a lot of people on the spectrum struggle with some degree of imposter syndrome - partially because the spectrum is so broad, making comparisons a bit useless.

Regardless of the outcome of a diagnosis, you have a right to understand what's causing your symptoms and to give yourself the best chance of tackling them. That needs a health care professional who works with you, not against you. Perhaps there are other psychologists out there?

I'm on my second psychologist and have already been warned that if I "don't cooperate" they will take it as me not wanting to be helped. So I have to go along for now, try to convince them?

I had to wait for years to get help, and only got it after my pneumologist asked for an emergency appointment because I confessed that I was not doing my asthma treatments as I should.
Sometimes my anxiety gets so bad that I completely forget about everything. Even eating and drinking, let alone medication.

My GP asked for a psychology referral around 2015, and I only got called last year
Things are kinda funny around here.

 

[jsilver256]

The funny thing is when I got my diagnosis, the first thing I did was wonder if I contacted a diagnosis mill, and then scheduled a 2nd assessment, at a stricter local place. The evaluator took like 15 minutes before he started speaking to me as if he'd already decided I was autistic.

Even then, and even with an interim diagnosis of an ASD2 son, it took me a long time, like only within past month, to truly internalize the diagnosis.

I got bounced from therapist to therapist as well. Then landed on one who, coincidentally, happened to specialize in autism. He was the one who ended up identifying this in me. I recall him saying something about it very hard to reach out to autistic people unless you're specifically trained in that.

Since I'm guessing you're in the "rabbit hole" stage, here's an article you might find useful.

 

[jsilver256]

BTW @Outdated has great instincts for this kind of thing. Hopefully that provides you with some comfort.

 

[Jonn]

Sorry for the long ramble. Can't help it.

The paragraphs are appreciated.
Some of us have problems with walls of text.

 

[SusanLR]

I was diagnosed late in life also, (55), and probably wouldn't have even been then except for the grief counselor that was coming to the house once a week after my mother died.
She seemed very knowledgeable on Asperger's autism without letting me know.
She asked a lot of questions that I now know were related to autism and by the end of our sessions told me I should see an autism specialist.
She thought that was the main reason behind my inability to get on with life after mom's passing.

The last day she was to see me, we were sitting by the pool and commented on how I liked plants. She said, "I bet you like the feel of the soil in your hands." "Yes, that's part of it," I said. The final question then came as I was talking with her and looking at the pool instead of her.
She told me to look at her when I spoke, and I did as I answered my next reply.
Then she asks if that was so difficult. I told her honestly, yes, it was.
That was when she told me about Asperger's and thought I should be tested.

My first and worst problems started at age 13 with panic attacks.
No one thought of autism back then and I spoke with a psychiatrist who prescribed anxiety meds. It didn't work.
Even before age 13, I never fit in with other kids and was often made fun of by them in school. I was different and I knew it, but that was just me.

I see a lot of things you listed are the same with me. The clothing thing makes me think of how I shop. I feel of the clothes I might like before even trying them on.
The feel is the most important.

So, welcome!
This is a good place to be where you can ask questions and find understanding.

 

[Boogs]

What I find more anxiety-inducing is that my psychologist told me, without any knowledge of my history other than the fact that I have lots of panic attacks, that I can't be autistic.

Doctors don't know much at all, in the scheme of things. Autism is still in it's research infancy, most people (doctors included, being people too ) haven't a clue, heck, many autistic people haven't either (I know I haven't! ), and there's no 'standard' against which all doctors work to beyond an every changing 'exploration' into try to understand it better.

And the prejudices are vast and great - I'm a late one too (my parents always said I was late for everything! ), discovered just after my 60th birthday, and spend a good 6 months being in denial of it prior to that, mostly due to ignorance of the conditions and the poor public perceptions (which are often of the more difficult to manage versions of the condition - ASC2 and ASC3 as they are so unhelpfully called).
But in fairness most of these diagnostic tools are to find people who can benefit hugely from the right support (at a young age ideally), not to analyse autism so much, or at least that's a side use in some ways - having to settle on some sort of standard however inaccurate.

I was undiagnosed so long, I now can hardly tell genuine behaviour from masking, and the easiest definition is simply what everyone else (NT) would find unacceptable in public. That said, I have managed to become more intolerant to others as part of the process of self realisation, as I've learnt it isn't just me being faulty, the real problem (for my flavour of conditions anyway) is everyone's reaction to me. In fact I suspect if I didn't put up such a good mask I'd be less discriminated against! My manager for example, internally refuses to accept I'm any different from anyone else. My guess is he thinks I'm just a difficult personality and saying I'm autistic is an excuse of some sort, and he refuses to engage with accepting even small changes - won't say that out loud, agree's with things but never actions them.

Humans are really good at ostracising anyone or anything that's out of their normal scope of experience without knowing they are doing it, often very close minded. It feels very dismissive, or even worse, to be on the receiving end, but as that guy Jesus said: "forgive them, they know not what they do"[sic].