If you were honest with yourselves, how many of you hate having this condition?

[Roisin]

Sounds like you think people with disabilities are "inferior". That is called "ablism". Maybe that is the problem? And yes, ablism is as offensive as other "isms", so while I know you don't like being pulled up about this attitude on an autism forum, I'm not a fan of ablism.

I'm not saying this so you will beat up on yourself or feel victimized by me, I'm saying it out of care and honesty.

I don't think your attitude does you any favours.

What do you think other's without autism are so superior about anyway? Or so called "non disabled people" compared to those of us with disabilities?

It's not apparent to me that so called "neurotypicals" are vastly or, otherwise, superior, in any way.
In my opinion, you and your beliefs about yourself, those that you judge "inferior" as tied to your childhood diagnoses and the unhappiness that you blame on that, how you see yourself, how you think other's see you, via how you see yourself is, what feeds into your unhappiness and you don't have to maintain beliefs that feed into your unhappiness.

Autism or other disabilities or differently abled "conditions" are anything but inferior. They may be different or make up smaller populations but they are not lesser, they are challenges though, for the vast majority of us. They are opportuities to work very consistantly on our deficits, just like how someone injured in an accident has to work very consistently in physiotherapy. Yes, it requires effort of a different nature than those without the condition, but that requires less energy and misery than all the time feeling sorry for ourselves and victimized by life, for having this condition. THAT is what feeds into the feelings of inferiority; giving in to negativity and feelings of hopelessness and lesserness.

I say this, risking offending you, which I have no intention of doing, and also being aware that the autistic proclivity for unabashed frankness and honestly can upset, and yet, I want the dead opposite for you. I want you to release what is hurting you, regarding the ablism, and embrace non judgemental love and acceptance and appreciation for yourself and your uniqueness and all that contributes to that, including your ASD diagnosis.

The familiar, our seemingly default way of being, of reacting, is difficult to change.

The more we do it, the more it is reinforced, to me internalised ablism unchecked is a form of self harm.

 

[Misty Avich]

So it's just a number you do on yourself and you use your autism diagnosis to do that? It's no use telling me you don't do it anymore because it's clear you do.
You highlighting what you wrote to get out of it reminds me of when people say "I'm not racist, but....".

I do wish you'd stop using racism as a comparison. One feeling victimised by their condition isn't as bad as racism. What about if a black person was the only one who was black in his class and was picked on and excluded by his peers because of it and that made him become insecure about his skin colour and wished he wasn't black? Would that make him a racist?

You've, once again, gone on the defence and attack rather than feel the care and, ultimately, love behind my brutal honesty.

Did I attack? I was just telling you that I had added the bolded bit in my post for a reason to stop people like you from lecturing me. But that just gets overlooked and I still get compared to a racist.

I care about you Misty, I'm not trying to make you feel bad. I know you've felt stigmatized and shamed with your diagnosis and I'm sorry it's been so awful for you, being diagnosed so young, I really am. I don't want you to carry that shame and judgement around forever, I really don't. I want you to be kind to yourself like you never have before. You are a compassionate person, I just think you are a little hard on yourself and that you keep reliving the shame you felt when you were diagnosed and I wish you could reassess and let that go and feel a little pride to be in the camp with so many sensitive, honest, unique and interestingly quirky people, like I do, but, if what I'm saying just adds pain, then, I'm sorry. I'm just a socially clunky autist after all. I hope you can forgive me.

I would but your replies to me start off with an attack then become light again.
I don't like being on the spectrum, it's always been a big inconvenience to my life and I have a right to dislike it if I want. It doesn't mean I dislike autistic people, far from it. Why do you think I come here? I love chatting to other autistic people and I'm not ashamed to be here either. My autistic friends I have here get me, unlike some who just want to look for things to be offended by.

 

[Neri]

I do wish you'd stop using racism as a comparison. One feeling victimised by their condition isn't as bad as racism. What about if a black person was the only one who was black in his class and was picked on and excluded by his peers because of it and that made him become insecure about his skin colour and wished he wasn't black? Would that make him a racist?

Did I attack? I was just telling you that I had added the bolded bit in my post for a reason to stop people like you from lecturing me. But that just gets overlooked and I still get compared to a racist.

I would but your replies to me start off with an attack then become light again.
I don't like being on the spectrum, it's always been a big inconvenience to my life and I have a right to dislike it if I want. It doesn't mean I dislike autistic people, far from it. Why do you think I come here? I love chatting to other autistic people and I'm not ashamed to be here either. My autistic friends I have here get me, unlike some who just want to look for things to be offended by.

I'm not here to be offended by you, but, I admit, the inferiority and shame thing associated with our shared diagnosis does touch a raw chord in me. I just got out of a 14 yr relationship with another autist who was ashamed and felt inferior due to it. Who would say to me "Don't tell anyone about your diagnosis" and who kept drinking and raging at me until he destroyed what we had. So, once again, you and I are at odds and are touching each other's wounds. You do you Misty. I wish I'd not said anything. I'm too sad and heartsore and in burn out to be bothered to try to be more diplomatic. I lack tact and I do blame my autism and the plentitude of trauma that's accompanied it, me, the life I've lived. I'm glad you don't apply that judgement to everyone you encounter on the spectrum, and I wish you all the best.

 

[Misty Avich]

I wouldn't discourage other people from telling people about their diagnosis. But I'm sorry you feel differently about autism than I do. The person who made this thread obviously feels the same way I do. Unfortunately we exist but it doesn't help when people become offended by our feelings. Just like how some people here say they're ashamed of living with their parents, is that offensive to everyone who lives with their parents? No, because it's how they feel, not a judgement against everyone who lives with their parents.

 

[Neri]

I wouldn't discourage other people from telling people about their diagnosis. But I'm sorry you feel differently about autism than I do. The person who made this thread obviously feels the same way I do. Unfortunately we exist but it doesn't help when people become offended by our feelings. Just like how some people here say they're ashamed of living with their parents, is that offensive to everyone who lives with their parents? No, because it's how they feel, not a judgement against everyone who lives with their parents.

Feelings tend to be preceded by beliefs and the thoughts generated from them.

 

[Jonn]

The more we do it, the more it is reinforced, to me internalised ablism unchecked is a form of self harm.

I think this may be a case of self-flagellation rather than ablism.
By my understanding of the definition of ablism, it isn't happening in this case.

 

[Jonn]

I don't like being on the spectrum, it's always been a big inconvenience to my life and I have a right to dislike it if I want. It doesn't mean I dislike autistic people, far from it. Why do you think I come here? I love chatting to other autistic people and I'm not ashamed to be here either. My autistic friends I have here get me, unlike some who just want to look for things to be offended by.

Misunderstandings are a big part of being on the spectrum, unfortunately. <hug>

 

[Neri]

I think this may be a case of self-flagellation rather than ablism.
By my understanding of the definition of ablism, it isn't happening in this case.

I did get something wrong and I want to apologise to @Misty Avich. Misty, you were expressing your pain and I came down hard on you and I was wrong to. I'm deeply sorry. I was mean to you and then I did something worse, trying to pass off my meanness as virtue. Clearly, I'm not in a very good head space at the moment and I shouldn't have taken it out on you.

 

[Jonn]

I did get something wrong and I want to apologise to @Misty Avich. Misty, you were expressing your pain and I came down hard on you and I was wrong to. I'm deeply sorry. I was mean to you and then I did something worse, trying to pass off my meanness as virtue. Clearly, I'm not in a very good head space at the moment and I shouldn't have taken it out on you.

<hug>

 

[Misty Avich]

I did get something wrong and I want to apologise to @Misty Avich. Misty, you were expressing your pain and I came down hard on you and I was wrong to. I'm deeply sorry. I was mean to you and then I did something worse, trying to pass off my meanness as virtue. Clearly, I'm not in a very good head space at the moment and I shouldn't have taken it out on you.

I forgive you. I'm sorry I lashed out, I don't respond well to accusations or criticism, but it's okay now. I just have very low self-esteem, a poor self-image. I understand you've been through a lot and that you're not in a good frame of mind at present. We're all here for you.

 

[Jonn]

It doesn't actually make me an ableist. With the struggles many of us face on account of our autism, it's totally natural for us to be pissed off upset at the fact we were born autistic. Might be a blessing to some but a curse to others.

There.
Fixed it for you.

 

[Neri]

I forgive you. I'm sorry I lashed out, I don't respond well to accusations or criticism, but it's okay now. I just have very low self-esteem, a poor self-image. I understand you've been through a lot and that you're not in a good frame of mind at present. We're all here for you.

Well I think you are a lovely human and I'm sorry life and so many people have been so tough for you.

 

[Misty Avich]

Well I think you are a lovely human and I'm sorry life and so many people have been so tough for you.

So are you. I'm so sorry you've been having a bad time with your relationship and all that. I'm here if you want to chat. If not then that's also fine.

We just clashed earlier, that's all.

 

[Jonn]

Group hug.

 

[Misty Avich]

Group hug.

I'm the yellow one! Yellow is my favourite colour.

 

[Neri]

Laughy face. I only have the thumbs up at my disposal. I do love purple, guess I'm the purple one. I do love a group hug. Oh yeah, I do have laughy face, it's on my phone. and .

 

[Jonn]

I'm the red one.

 

[Misty Avich]

Another reason I hate it is because it's made me do shameful things in the past. Like I don't know if this is autism-related or not but I had what I called "forbidden words" where if these certain words were said to me personally I'd fly up in a rage and yell out inappropriate things without thinking first. Then I had to put up with the consequences afterwards of looking like a really bad, rude person.
Like when I was 16 I swore at my gran just because she said a 'forbidden word', and it wasn't a word normal teenagers would react like that to. Understandably my gran was hurt and my mother looked really disappointed and told my gran that she (my mum) didn't bring me up to behave like that. She was right, she brought us up to be respectful to our elders. It wasn't just teenage rebellion though, it was Asperger's making me bad and out of control. I recently watched an old home video of me as a 7-month-old baby being cuddled by my gran, and then 16 years later I spoke to her like that, it just breaks my heart. I bet if I didn't have Asperger's I wouldn't have swore at her like that over something so petty.

 

[Jonn]

Another reason I hate it is because it's made me do shameful things in the past. Like I don't know if this is autism-related or not but I had what I called "forbidden words" where if these certain words were said to me personally I'd fly up in a rage and yell out inappropriate things without thinking first.

You were triggered.
Most of us have them (triggers), I suspect.
I do, though I have them pretty much under control these days, since I focus in emotional stability with a vengeance.
Keeping off the caffeine, helps in my case.

 

[Misty Avich]

You were triggered.
Most of us have them (triggers), I suspect.
I do, though I have them pretty much under control these days, since I focus in emotional stability with a vengeance.
Keeping off the caffeine, helps in my case.

I was triggered, yes, but it was still uncalled for of me to just verbally lash out at my gran like that. She didn't deliberately trigger me, and I can't expect NTs to remember all the triggering words of mine unless they're triggering by common definition that most people share.
It seems only kids and teenagers from dysfunctional families swear at their elderly relatives, otherwise it's very wrong to swear at your grandparents. I know many average teenagers swear at their parents but to swear at your grandparents just feels even more wrong. Memories like that just make me cringe in shame.