If you were honest with yourselves, how many of you hate having this condition?

[Jonn]

I was triggered, yes, but it was still uncalled for of me to just verbally lash out at my gran like that. She didn't deliberately trigger me, and I can't expect NTs to remember all the triggering words of mine unless they're triggering by common definition that most people share.

Triggers are an irrational response to a stimuli.
They go beyond conscious/deliberate decision-making.
I see it as a response to "Emotional Overload".

It is illogical to feel responsible for something you have no control over, other than by doing some desensitization programs, by yourself or through therapy.

It seems only kids and teenagers from dysfunctional families swear at their elderly relatives, otherwise it's very wrong to swear at your grandparents. I know many average teenagers swear at their parents but to swear at your grandparents just feels even more wrong. Memories like that just make me cringe in shame.

Do you consider people with Tourette syndrome responsible for their aberrant "tics"?

Tourette syndrome (TS) is a neurological disorder that causes involuntary tics and vocalizations. Tics are sudden, repetitive movements or sounds that people can't control.
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[daniegirl6224]

I hate the demand avoidance/ executive dysfunction that challenges me daily. But I love my my hyperfocus, I love my honesty and integrity, I love my direct communication, I love how I experience peace and happiness so fully at times, I love how I love deep, and I love my special interests.

 

[Misty Avich]

Triggers are an irrational response to a stimuli.
They go beyond conscious/deliberate decision-making.
I see it as a response to "Emotional Overload".

Even so, I still hate doing it. I don't do it so much nowadays but I still get triggered and wear my heart on my sleeves. And I've been bullied for it in recent months, both online and offline.

It is illogical to feel responsible for something you have no control over, other than by doing some desensitization programs, by yourself or through therapy.

It's why I don't like having Asperger's and wish I wasn't the only one in my family to have to suffer it. How did all my cousins manage to not have it?

Do you consider people with Tourette syndrome responsible for their aberrant "tics"?

No, but I bet a lot of people with Tourettes dislike their condition for that reason. I don't judge people with TS but I can understand if a person with TS wished they didn't have the condition if it makes them feel embarrassed or they get bullied for it, etc.

I think if I had TS and swore at people, it'd be more forgiven by people who love me. Although the people who love me do love me unconditionally no matter how many bad things my AS has made me do and how much I have emotionally hurt them during angry outbursts, but me telling my gran to "[swear] off" because she said the wrong thing was still more shocking for everyone involved than a person with TS just yelling out swears as an uncontrollable tic-like behaviour more than getting angry over something stupid. If I didn't have Asperger's then I wouldn't have spoken to my gran like that at all.

 

[Jonn]

I hate the demand avoidance/ executive dysfunction that challenges me daily. But I love my my hyperfocus, I love my honesty and integrity, I love my direct communication,

I feel the same.
There are no do-overs for me at least, since I am not a Buddhist, so I am making the best of things.
I had bigger problems than autism in any case.

 

[Jonn]

Even so, I still hate doing it. I don't do it so much nowadays but I still get triggered and wear my heart on my sleeves. And I've been bullied for it in recent months, both online and offline.

Ignorant ppl are ignorant ppl.
I have had to deal with them all my life.

It's why I don't like having Asperger's and wish I wasn't the only one in my family to have to suffer it. How did all my cousins manage to not have it?

There is a reason for everything.
There is no inherent order in life.
It is luck of the draw.
We just do the best we can with the cards that are dealt us.
I am sure that has never been said before.

No, but I bet a lot of people with Tourettes dislike their condition for that reason. I don't judge people with TS but I can understand if a person with TS wished they didn't have the condition if it makes them feel embarrassed or they get bullied for it, etc.

I am sure many would see it as a burden.

I think if I had TS and swore at people, it'd be more forgiven by people who love me. Although the people who love me do love me unconditionally no matter how many bad things my AS has made me do and how much I have emotionally hurt them during angry outbursts, but me telling my gran to "[swear] off" because she said the wrong thing was still more shocking for everyone involved than a person with TS just yelling out swears as an uncontrollable tic-like behaviour more than getting angry over something stupid. If I didn't have Asperger's then I wouldn't have spoken to my gran like that at all.

Well, once again, there are times we aren't responsible for our actions.
No unicorns in this particular universe.

Spoiler

 

[Misty Avich]

Strangely enough, I think if my sister or cousins had AS too, plus diagnosed, I don't think I'd feel so bad about having it myself. It's just that "why me?" feeling. Usually Aspies come from families with a lot of other Aspies, that or it was caused environmentally (birth complications, that sort of thing). But with me it just seems to be bad luck and nothing else. I think it just comes from inheriting my parent's negative traits to extremes, like my mum's anxiety and depression.

My mum's brother's sons had a lucky escape because they have autism run on both sides of their family; me on their dad's side and two cousins on their mum's side (I'm not related to the cousins on their mum's side). Although one son has a high IQ (but no autism and he is definitely NT) and one son has mild learning difficulties, like my sister. But I'd rather have mild learning difficulties than ASD because at least you can still make friends and fit in even if it does affect you socially slightly.
Actually, saying that, I do have mild learning difficulties with ASD. And I seem to be the only one with ADHD in my family, as ADHD isn't something that runs in my family at all.

 

[Neri]

I don't "hate my autism" because my life with it, has been hard enough without me excessively angsting my diagnoses. By the time I found out, I felt that, finally, I had a reasonable explanation for my difficulties, and I went from feeling like a fail of an NT to an epic aspie.

I've worked so hard, and as stocially as humanly possible, for purely survival reasons, to triumph over my "condition", and because when I became a mum I took the responsibility very seriously. After how terrifying and traumatic my childhood was and how depressing my teens were, I couldn't risk making my children's lives worse by being more sorry for myself than need be.

I'm surprised I made it through my angonising teens and didn't take myself out. I resolved to try to be a loving and kind mum so my children wouldn't suffer like I did (I didn't make it out of my teens without becoming a parent to two children already, one with severe health issues). So yeah, I care for and respect myself, and my autism is part of me, and part of what makes me an awesome human. If I didn't, I would be in a way worse state, and with my ASD2, and my family, I just can't afford to demoralize myself any more than life already is. The game of life for us humans is set at "difficult" for all humans and maybe for some "extra difficult".

 

[Misty Avich]

I respect people who accept their autism or see it as a convenience or gift or whatever. I even encourage it. But for me all it seems to be is a lifelong source of anxiety and depression and panic and overthinking. I don't have all the good traits to embrace like having great intense hyperfocus on intelligent interests, or having a higher than average IQ, or being brutally honest, etc. I find it hard to be brutally honest, especially face-to-face, as I feel emotions like guilt and embarrassment so intensely. I find it hard to hyperfocus on hobbies and stuff too, at the moment I haven't written my books for ages because I just can't focus with all the stress that's going on in my life right now.

For some of us autism is merely just quirkiness and anxiety and feeling emotions very intensely and nothing else. So to me it feels more like a lifelong mental health condition than anything else. No I'm not saying it is a mental health condition or that it's the same for everyone, but I'm talking about my own personal experience with it.

 

[Roisin]

I self harmed for decades through negative self talk because of internalised ablism.

My regular mantra was "I hate my brain", but I was conditioned by the environment to think this way. None of those thoughts actually belonged to me, yet
I believed them and made them part of my identity.

The process of separating the conditioned beliefs from the truth took dedication and pain, and was made possible by my beautiful Autistic brain!

The more you practice negative self talk, the more you compound the harm you do to yourself.

This is very different to simple expression of feelings.

 

[Neri]

I respect people who accept their autism or see it as a convenience or gift or whatever. I even encourage it. But for me all it seems to be is a lifelong source of anxiety and depression and panic and overthinking. I don't have all the good traits to embrace like having great intense hyperfocus on intelligent interests, or having a higher than average IQ, or being brutally honest, etc. I find it hard to be brutally honest, especially face-to-face, as I feel emotions like guilt and embarrassment so intensely. I find it hard to hyperfocus on hobbies and stuff too, at the moment I haven't written my books for ages because I just can't focus with all the stress that's going on in my life right now.

For some of us autism is merely just quirkiness and anxiety and feeling emotions very intensely and nothing else. So to me it feels more like a lifelong mental health condition than anything else. No I'm not saying it is a mental health condition or that it's the same for everyone, but I'm talking about my own personal experience with it.

Certainly mental health conditions run concurrently alongside our autism, for plenty of us, there is no denying that.

And might I add that having a "gifted" processing speed (and some of us fluctuate between terribly slow and clunky processing and lightening speed) known as "IQ" can seem as much a curse as a blessing for multiple reasons.

Roisin articulated beautifully what I have come to know to be true.

We all suffer. There is no getting out of that. It's how you deal with the suffering that makes all the difference.

I, like you, have always had extremely intense emotional experiences. Extremely debilitating sometimes. So much that I am disabled by it and require supports, hense, the ASD2 diagnosis. I have a concurrent condition called complex post traumatic stress disorder.

My childhood was filled with violence, upheaval and abuse and my teens and adulthood were even harder. My daughter said to me, when I got diagnosed, (she likes to dismiss and minimize me sometimes) "Maybe you just THINK you're autistic because you've had a hard life" to which I replied "No, I've had a hard life BECAUSE I'm autistic", but what I didn't explain was that it was also because my parents were/are autistic too and are not at all mature enough or responsible enough to be adequate parents, so I had no guidance and no support to have a healthy, safe and getting-my-needs-met life.

It's only now at 52 that I finally live in safe and habitable accommodation. And have a chance to work towards a better life. So don't get me wrong. Not hating your autism (because it doesn't help and life is hard enough so why make things worse) is a very far cry from finding your autism "convenient". People make the best of their situations, most won't be as successful an aspie as Elon Musk, but, I know for a fact, that he has had his share of trouble, heartache and trauma. No one gets out of suffering. The game of life is set at "Difficult".

 

[Cutesie]

@Misty Avich, it would make more sense to feel badly about it if you had been given tools to deal with your condition. At the time of your swearing incident, you were a confused almost-adult who had not received proper treatment for your autism. Feeling guilty about it, even today, is understandable but irrational.

I very much feel for what you've gone through. My autism and/or ADHD (I'm not diagnosed with either) caused me to do so many things that were stupid and hurt other people. On an intelligent level, I don't blame myself for doing them, nor do I fault myself for not asking for the help that I needed. Still, some of those memories are so shameful, and the irrational part of my mind does take the blame.

 

[if6wasnin9]

Why would anyone enjoy having a disorder?
Life's hard enough if you can function properly.
I don't know what I have but I can't function and no one's wanted to help last 40 years. Just been abused and used and experimented with and almost cost me my life more than once. I'm ready to kill myself. Tried 4 times and failed but next time it's going to be final for sure. I haven't felt human in 45 years and can't take anymore.

 

[Misty Avich]

Also how I can happily accept a disorder that causes me to be bullied almost wherever I go? (Even though it's invisible).

 

[NB79]

The other time i had sudden impulses to damage myself, the Holy spirit love told me 'don't do it there is hope'.

 

[daniegirl6224]

And might I add that having a "gifted" processing speed (and some of us fluctuate between terribly slow and clunky processing and lightening speed) known as "IQ" can seem as much a curse as a blessing for multiple reasons.

Can you explain more why having a high IQ can be a curse? My partner has a high IQ and he really struggles with it. I want to understand more. Thank you!

 

[Cutesie]

Can you explain more why having a high IQ can be a curse? My partner has a high IQ and he really struggles with it. I want to understand more. Thank you!

One issue is the expectation that it places on a person. When little, I heard people talking about how smart I was. I also knew myself that I was smarter than my relatives and school peers. It made me feel confused, because there were other ways in which I felt rather dumb.

Those expectations are one of the reasons that I never asked for help when struggling. It resulted in my totally failing at school. It contributed to the development of my psychiatric disorders and to not getting treatment for them.

 

[Neri]

Can you explain more why having a high IQ can be a curse? My partner has a high IQ and he really struggles with it. I want to understand more. Thank you!

I would love to, but now is not the time, I'm exhausted after a hectic morning shopping.

There was an interesting thread made, recently, about some of the social downsides. Perhaps someone recalls what that was called and can link it here. If not, I'll just have to get back to you.

 

[daniegirl6224]

Thank you @Cutesie & @Neri! If anyone finds that post please let me know

 

[Neri]

Thank you @Cutesie & @Neri! If anyone finds that post please let me know

Here you go.

Thread 'Beyond the autism component. The effect of intelligence in social situations.'

Feb 12, 2025

• Neonatal RRT

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[Jonn]

Why would anyone enjoy having a disorder?
Life's hard enough if you can function properly.

Agreed.