Has my “time” come so to say?

[Tony Ramirez]

And if she is not single, then oh well, you've made a new friendly acquaintance at the coffee shop.

Red flag
Don't do it get out leave now and never get her number and her never yours you will get hurt there is just such thing as a acquaintance in a friendship that is a excuse to never bother with you and for her to hang out with cliquey friends or her stupid partner.

 

[tree]

"When you are dealing with a challenge in your life, do you feel that you have control over the outcome, or do you believe that you are at the mercy of outside forces? Your answer to this question refers to your locus of control.

Our locus of control influences our response to events in our lives and our motivation to take action. If you believe that you hold the keys to your fate, you are more likely to change your situation when needed. Conversely, if you think that the outcome is out of your hands, you may be less likely to work toward change. "

https://www.verywellmind.com/what-is-locus-of-control-2795434

 

[Masked Man]

Red flag
Don't do get out leave now and never get her number and her never yours you will get hurt there is just such thing as a acquaintance in a friendship that is a excuse to never bother with you and for her to hang out with cliquey friends or her stupid partner.

No Tony it's not a red flag to have women as friends only, as long as you are not looking for them to be your own personal unpaid therapist. Friendly acquaintances, by definition, is someone you know slightly, but are not a best friend, with.

 

[Cryptid]

It never ceases to amaze me when people will complain about a lack of opportunity only until an opportunity presents itself, at which time they start making up excuses as to why they will not take any action on the opportunity.

 

[Markness]

@Markness

How conversationally comfortable would you say the encounters are
when you do happen to see her?

I feel fairly comfortable. I just don’t know if the conversation will go well or if it will fizzle out.

 

[tree]

Practice helps.

Listening to the other person is important.
Listening to what they're saying, not *being quiet waiting for my turn to speak.*

 

[thejuice]

Red flag
Don't do it get out leave now and never get her number and her never yours you will get hurt there is just such thing as a acquaintance in a friendship that is a excuse to never bother with you and for her to hang out with cliquey friends or her stupid partner.

Yes no point in putting in effort with someone who shows no interest in you and puts you bottom of the pile of priorities.

 

[Markness]

That's unusual verbiage. Most people would say something like "No, I haven't. I just haven't gotten around to it" or something like that.

Instead, the way you have worded it, almost sounds like the blame is external. Like, you are being given conflicting instructions, ergo, you can't do an action.

Normally, I wouldn't notice someone writing this way, but with you, I do notice a pattern of thinking that seems to resist any changes whatsoever in your life. You seem quite miserable. Isn't committing to a small change, any change, better than your current life? We all want to help you to get to a better place.

I am just using the words that best describe how I feel. It’s not just what I am being told here but also on a chat group and what my therapist as well as in person friends tell me.

 

[Hypnalis]

I am just using the words that best describe how I feel. It’s not just what I am being told here but also on a chat group and what my therapist as well as in person friends tell me.

If you need advice. it follows that you're not capable of selecting from several different options.

The inevitable result of "shopping around" is that you'll do what you would have done without external input.
In your case, you'll "play to lose".
Maybe nothing. Maybe wait until the "window of opportunity" closes. Perhaps approach without any preparation.

Here's something that might seem to be irrelevant, but it's not - think about it:

Up until the last few years (say the start of the 2020's) women could expect to be approached, and therefore seldom approached men. Not actually the smartest way to act, but that's been the norm.

Personal experience: women are absolutely terrible at approaching men. Solely because, in general, they have neither developed or learned even the moist basic techniques, nor gained any experience at it.

That seems to be where you are. You have a goal that requires a certain skillset. You don't have those skills, you aren't practicing, and you are (rightly I'm afraid) inclined not to trust most of the technical advice you receive.

A difficult situation.

But is inaction the solution?

 

[Markness]

If you need advice. it follows that you're not capable of selecting from several different options.

The inevitable result of "shopping around" is that you'll do what you would have done without external input.
In your case, you'll "play to lose".
Maybe nothing. Maybe wait until the "window of opportunity" closes. Perhaps approach without any preparation.

Here's something that might seem to be irrelevant, but it's not - think about it:

Up until the last few years (say the start of the 2020's) women could expect to be approached, and therefore seldom approached men. Not actually the smartest way to act, but that's been the norm.

Personal experience: women are absolutely terrible at approaching men. Solely because, in general, they have neither developed or learned even the moist basic techniques, nor gained any experience at it.

That seems to be where you are. You have a goal that requires a certain skillset. You don't have those skills, you aren't practicing, and you are (rightly I'm afraid) inclined not to trust most of the technical advice you receive.

A difficult situation.

But is inaction the solution?

I honestly don’t know what to make of your posts when they are directed at me.

 

[thejuice]

Basically you got to get out there and take some risks!

 

[Hypnalis]

I honestly don’t know what to make of your posts when they are directed at me.

The consistent thread in my posts is that you need to act. And that to act effectively you need to develop some basic skills, and do some preparation.

Its not enough to listen to the "just be yourself and it will be fine" advice. For one of us it's actually potentially risky

Advice to that effect from women comes from people who've seldom, if ever, made an initial approach. What use is it to someone who almost always has to make the first approach, and who risks being poorly treated when they do?

The same from guys either means they've had a lot of practice (so not comparable to your situation), or they read it in a women's magazine while waiting for a dentist appointment, and don't actually know what they're talking about.

So before action comes preparation and ideally some practice. In your case the next 5 or 10 interactions will be the practice.

Preparation doesn't have to be extensive, but you need a way to actually start a conversation
(failures in this area are an aspect of the terrible approach skills of most women).

I remember a scenario you raised here earlier. IIRC someone with a T-Shirt from a band you recognized?
You said you went back, but not IIRC what happened.

Did you prepare for the second interaction? If not, why not?
(at the very least you need to be sure you don't appear "creepy")

 

[thejuice]

I realised I don't make conversation with strangers in places with music because it's exhausting with sensory processing issues so I need to go to places with no dreaded piped music

 

[thejuice]

Or Pipe music, bagpipes are really distracting especially when making an approach!

 

[Cryptid]

I honestly don’t know what to make of your posts when they are directed at me.

Do you really not understand posts when they are directed at you? Many such posts (from anyone, I might add) involve practical advice on how to get out of that rut you've dug yourself into, yet you either ignore the advice, deflect it with a lame excuse, or see it as a personal attack from one of your "detractors".

Do you want to improve your situation or not?

 

[Steelbookcollector217]

i'll never forget this comment from a guy, man, who is a social confidence coach for men, he told me one of his former clients was engaged to his dream woman and i asked him about him, he told me he was in his early 30s, and he described his dating life before, he responded by saying "not at all man, zero".

that comment make me angry and mad, because its a reminder of how men often deal with a lonely journey more than women do

 

[tree]

So rather than see hope in the fact that the man
learned to be more capable socially, you choose to
focus on a negative idea, that males have a harder
path in life than females.

That doesn't even seem like *glass half empty/half
full* mindset. More like *glass full, but I'll knock
it over and dump it out.*

 

[Steelbookcollector217]

because its another angry enraging reminder on how its unfairly more common for men than for women to remain chronically alone and single later than normal, should be obvious as to why its like that, yet people and society still think men have it better than women do, and it reminds me of a comment response i read from a pick up artist guy that i will never forget, it pissed me off so much, lets just say what was going through my mind when i read that comment, its not appropriate for me to disclose.

 

[tree]

Sounds like you're dis-satisfied, disappointed, and angry
much of the time.

 

[Mary Terry]

because its another angry enraging reminder on how its unfairly more common for men than for women to remain chronically alone and single later than normal, should be obvious as to why its like that, yet people and society still think men have it better than women do, and it reminds me of a comment response i read from a pick up artist guy that i will never forget, it pissed me off so much, lets just say what was going through my mind when i read that comment, its not appropriate for me to disclose.

You are extremely jealous of women. Almost obsessive about it. Please talk to a therapist about your anger. No one - male or female - can fix what you perceive as "unfair" but maybe you can learn to channel your anger into something useful.