Has my “time” come so to say?

[BewilderedPerson]

I wonder if she wants to be my friend or not.

I wish women didn’t feel like they can’t make the “first move.”

Just because she doesn’t make the first move, or you have to, doesn’t mean something is doomed to fail.

Furthermore, I’ve had stuff with women fizzle out if they made the first move or if they made advances/came onto me.

If you’re scared, it’s okay to be, but you’re not automatically doomed to failure.

 

[Markness]

I just feel very despondent when I have a stressful day and when I get home, my mother is yelling at me instead of having someone who genuinely loves me being happy for me to come home.

 

[BewilderedPerson]

I just feel very despondent when I have a stressful day and when I get home, my mother is yelling at me instead of having someone who genuinely loves me being happy for me to come home.

Yep. I know the feeling, and it’s unfortunate, but I’m sure she loves you, too.

And you are capable, and worthy, of being loved romantically. We all are.

 

[Tony Ramirez]

When I have conversations with women that are not 2 word conversations that are not women in relationships I just try my best to continue the conversation and talk about her interests. I like to here about her and then ask questions then respond.

 

[Markness]

Is there even a solution for my struggle?

 

[Judge]

Is there even a solution for my struggle?

Only if you continue to make serious attempts at it.

 

[tree]

Is there even a solution for my struggle?

You are so excellent at framing poignant questions.

What is your best guess at answering that question?

 

[Judge]

I wouldn't mentally elevate this to 'courtship' level.
That makes for anxiety, trying to follow formal
"rules."

Just talking in a relaxed friendly way, and not
beating self up afterward for not launching into
a stunning Lothario pitch seems like a good way
to go.

Semantics are academic here. We all know what he wants. He's been saying it for years here.

But whether as a friend or something more, he has to take the initiative. That's what counts, otherwise he goes nowhere with this.

 

[tree]

Words matter.

Once a particular word is in someone's mind,
it can affect them.

Cancer vs the flu.

Which would I rather be thinking was making for digestive upset?

*Courtship* or *seeing that girl I like and talking to her.*

I know which looks easier to deal with, from my point of view.

 

[Judge]

Words matter.

Once a particular word is in someone's mind,
it can affect them.

Cancer vs the flu.

Which would I rather be thinking was making for digestive upset?

*Courtship* or *seeing that girl I like and talking to her.*

I know which looks easier to deal with, from my point of view.

Not in this case. You and I have both said the same things to him over and over and over.

He's heard it all before and continues to steadfastly resist whatever we suggest. To the point where semantics in fact, don't mean squat. What is important remains that he finally chooses to take the initiative, especially when he realizes he has nothing to lose.

In his particular case, whatever you call it doesn't matter compared to whether or not he's prepared to actually do it. Save the semantics argument for another poster.

What we're really talking about here is just plain fear. And the most primary concern is how he can overcome it enough to make a first contact with someone, whatever one wants to call it, or whatever his intentions actually are.

 

[tree]

The words are important to me.

I want what I say to be what I mean to say, without
any overtones, or undertones that would be misinterpreted
by another person.

 

[Judge]

The words are important to me.

Yes, however what's important to you won't necessarily get him moving in the right direction.

Again, I think we've long ago established that semantics don't seem to matter in his case. It won't be the rationale he needs to accomplish that connection he wants to make with people.

 

[Hypnalis]

@Judge

You and Tree are using different approaches to solve a difficult problem.
I'd classify it as "both correct, but mutually exclusive".

Markness is where he wants to be. Which, regrettably, is in a loop.

Personally, I don't think he can break out via forum posts. I have a test though. I'm waiting to see if he'll ever ask for, and follow, advice on the mechanics of approaching someone when you're not "hot" (top 10% or so of attractiveness).

He's impressively good at deflection though, so the years haven't been entirely wasted.

 

[tree]

Yes, however what's important to you won't necessarily get him moving in the right direction.

Again, I think we've long ago established that semantics don't seem to matter in his case. It won't be the rationale he needs to accomplish that connection he wants to make with people.

I said that the words were important to me.
Not that I believe what I say or how I say it will absolutely one hundred percent sure fire
get his thinking to the point of "moving in the right direction."

I'm saying how I word things matters to me.
That I am interested in being as straightforward/clear in what I say
as possible.

 

[Judge]

Markness is where he wants to be. Which, regrettably, is in a loop.

Personally, I don't think he can break out via forum posts. I have a test though. I'm waiting to see if he'll ever ask for, and follow, advice on the mechanics of approaching someone when you're not "hot" (top 10% or so of attractiveness).

He's impressively good at deflection though, so the years haven't been entirely wasted.

Indeed. You have to wonder given how many years this scenario has been playing out.

All that seems left to emphasize is that he must find some way to overcome his shyness and take the initiative reach out to people, regardless of what the immediate outcome may be.

And that it all is his choice...and always has been.

 

[Markness]

I’m not where I want to be. I don’t like that I am socially isolated and have to keep struggling.

 

[Judge]

I’m not where I want to be. I don’t like that I am socially isolated and have to keep struggling.

So many of us have been there. But this is where you have to find the inner strength to push yourself harder than ever...and do that which may usually seem like something between uncomfortable and impossible.

We can all talk about it or even argue over word use until we're all blue in the face. But in the end, it's up to you and always has been. It's true to best think of friendship and little else...with no guarantees. But "nothing ventured, nothing gained".

You have to put yourself out there and yes, risk looking bad. Most of us have been there at one time or another. I know I have. And with enough fortitude, you just might find yourself moving in the direction you longed for.

 

[Hypnalis]

Indeed. You have to wonder given how many years this scenario has been playing out."

"Best fit", by far, is trolling for attention.

I don't believe that's the case, but it hangs on a single photo in a single post, of Markness with a well known musician, plus a throwaway comment by Tony R.

Given that it's AF (i.e. we are rightly limited to "low temperature" methods), I'm out of techniques to try.

 

[jsilver256]

That I am interested in being as straightforward/clear in what I say
as possible.

You are excellent at that. One of the best communicators I've ever seen.

 

[tree]

You are excellent at that. One of the best communicators I've ever seen.

Thank you.
I try.
I don't remember anybody ever telling me that before.