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Still single

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I've mentioned elsewhere here before about making lists. Pros and cons lists, basically. Do that, is my suggestion. Chess match everything you can think of about first encounters, all encounters, any date ever had, etc. Devise a list of what not to do according to what you feel hasn't worked out before, then memorize it and/or even print a small copy of it to keep on you. Everyone has standards and guidelines, and I feel like there's no shame in having a written form on your person.

I'm not sure who here likes NFL / College football, but coach Jim Harbaugh has lobby card sized business cards that are detailed bullet points of what he lives by and expects his players to try and live by, as well. I've been convinced for a long time that he's on the spectrum. So, here's a guy at the highest form of a sports career and seriously has such a list of things on him at all times. If anyone ever thought it a stigma, dude just erased it for us.
 
Part of the reason why I canā€™t get a date is because I am an outsider in the crummy culture I live in. Women my age also tend to have long term boyfriends or are married. The times I have asked a lady for her number, the responses were ā€œMy boyfriend wouldnā€™t like that.ā€ or ā€œI am too busy.ā€
 
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Build your confidence, and establish yourself, no matter what. A core thing you will be doing is presenting yourself to all eyes as an(other) option available. You could wind up either the better person for someone in a relationship that isn't working out, or you could be whispered / talked up by those in relationships as a good match for someone else they know that isn't finding luck, as well.

I know these things to be true. I have been speaking on faults and personal areas, of course. My issues regarding it all lately come down to not being ready to handle so much, though. So, I have a bead on what does or doesn't work in core ways. I'm just not in the correct headspace, or at least I don't think that I am per making it work out for me presently.
 
"I am busy" is either code for "they don't like you physically" or "they don't like where you are in life." I suspect the single women "don't like where you are in life" if you can sense that you are physically reasonably handsome to the women you try to get to know. I think I have seen a picture of you before and you are reasonably physically attractive if I remember correctly. Many people are also attracted to stability.
Do you still live with your family?
If so, are you trying to look for other women that still live with their families too?
What kind of job do you have?
These things all matter and people can sense the maturity and independence from how you may express yourself.
 
paloftoon said:
"I am busy" is either code for "they don't like you physically" or "they don't like where you are in life." I suspect the single women "don't like where you are in life" if you can sense that you are physically reasonably handsome to the women you try to get to know. I think I have seen a picture of you before and you are reasonably physically attractive if I remember correctly. Many people are also attracted to stability.
Do you still live with your family?
If so, are you trying to look for other women that still live with their families too?
What kind of job do you have?
These things all matter and people can sense the maturity and independence from how you may express yourself.
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I still live with my mother and thatā€™s largely because sheā€™s a control freak as well as fears that if I werenā€™t under her roof, something horrible would happen to me. I also donā€™t have a college degree for a better paying job or job position.

I donā€™t because I donā€™t see how you can without the other person telling you their situation.

I work at a public library. Itā€™s honestly not the glamorous job many would think it to be. In fact, it wasnā€™t until the current director joined the place in 2020 and brightened some aspects of the place up that it became a more friendly environment. Before then, it was very jail-like and the staff were generally bitter people.
 
paloftoon said:
"I am busy" is either code for "they don't like you physically" or "they don't like where you are in life."
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I have my good casual friend tell me that exact thing via text message and I believe what was said here and blew it way out of proportion. I nearly made a mistake. She really is stressed from her job and does not want to be in any relationship. It was not me which she tried to explain to me. I understand it when I sat down and talked to her one on one. We are now even better friends now and she is grateful for helping her finding this church community since she knew no when when moving to New York from California.
 
I know that one of my detractors here who also still posts on Wrong Planet does not want me to get better and hopes I will never have a girlfriend or wife. I want to prove that person wrong.
 
Markness said:
I know that one of my detractors here who also still posts on Wrong Planet does not want me to get better and hopes I will never have a girlfriend or wife. I want to prove that person wrong.
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Stop worrying about what other people "want" or "hope". You might be misinterpreting them or their motives. Just focus on YOU. Try to be secure and content with who you are, and don't focus on what other people may or may not "want" or "hope" for you. Life isn't a contest in which you need to prove that other people are wrong. Ignore them, Markness.
 
Name and shame them then.

I don't get the point of constantly bumping this thread and ruminating, ignoring advice, and/or just saying "well my life sucks cant change it" without trying to. Or make an excuse as to why. Or expect someone to change it for you. That's not possible.

Every time someone tells you something that isn't just a fluff piece, you pretty much ignore it. Like, I'm sure I will be ignored after writing this since you pretty much stopped talking to me after I said "hey maybe just be stricter with your finances and challenge your anxiety." because that's apparently bad advice?

No one can give you a master plan. Unhappy with your life? Work on changing it. You've been doing the same thing here and on other websites, people have given you advice and you don't really take it. I understand venting and maybe your constant posting is just venting but also...what do you expect when you make the same threads and say the same thing. It is frustrating. You never talk about anything else except that. You never ask how people are.

Everyone here wants you to be happy, and to eventually have a girlfriend. If you stay in one place, you're in one place. Nothing changes. Do something to break out of it.
 
honeytoast said:
Every time someone tells you something that isn't just a fluff piece, you pretty much ignore it. Like, I'm sure I will be ignored after writing this since you pretty much stopped talking to me after I said "hey maybe just be stricter with your finances and challenge your anxiety." because that's apparently bad advice?
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No, that isnā€™t why. I had my cat on my mind and I sometimes struggle to come up with responses.
 
It can be OK to tell people that you're thinking about
what they've said and that you're not sure what to say yet.
 
Markness said:
I know that one of my detractors here who also still posts on Wrong Planet does not want me to get better and hopes I will never have a girlfriend or wife. I want to prove that person wrong.
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What are you doing to prove that person wrong?

What makes you think they do not want you to have a girlfriend?

What makes you think that what they think should even matter to you?
 
Cryptid said:
What are you doing to prove that person wrong?

What makes you think they do not want you to have a girlfriend?

What makes you think that what they think should even matter to you?
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You need to drop toxic people and toxic places @Markness like I did or you will keep being miserable and living in the past. I know you are stuck at home with your family and job with sucks. I am thankful I have supportive parents. But you really need to get out there and find positive places with positive people to try to be friends with. Remember don't look at a women as dateable. Just look for as a friend. Even if she says she does not want a relationship, she might not want to date anyone and it's not you but you can still be a good friend to her.
 
FYI: A quick check of that other website shows that no one has even mentioned a name like yours in nearly 3 years.

It looks like they have forgotten about you, so you can stop worrying about what they think.
 
Markness said:
I still live with my mother and thatā€™s largely because sheā€™s a control freak as well as fears that if I werenā€™t under her roof, something horrible would happen to me. I also donā€™t have a college degree for a better paying job or job position.

I donā€™t because I donā€™t see how you can without the other person telling you their situation.

I work at a public library. Itā€™s honestly not the glamorous job many would think it to be. In fact, it wasnā€™t until the current director joined the place in 2020 and brightened some aspects of the place up that it became a more friendly environment. Before then, it was very jail-like and the staff were generally bitter people.
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If you can, work on getting a college degree or something from technical school is your best way out. Then you'd be able to get a job where you don't have to live under your mother's roof. Otherwise, you will have to bear the consequences of that. I'm sorry about your situation.

Consider volunteering for something on the side such as a convention if you think you might like that kind of thing. You can meet people during your volunteering, and maybe you can meet others in a similar position to you where you're both attracted to each other.
 
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