Still single

[Markness]

I am turning 36 this August and I still can’t even get a coffee date. I didn’t want to be like this but it’s what I’ve become.

 

[tree]

*can't even get a coffee date* is a repeated refrain of yours.

Has it occurred to you that possibly this is not the goal
sine qua non of life?

 

[Markness]

*can't even get a coffee date* is a repeated refrain of yours.

Has it occurred to you that possibly this is not the goal
sine qua non of life?

It has never crossed my mind. I just constantly worry that I’ve fallen too far behind and can’t catch up.

 

[tree]

Yes, I know that you are continuously judging yourself
and finding yourself lacking.

 

[Markness]

Yes, I know that you are continuously judging yourself
and finding yourself lacking.

I wish I had better results than what I normally get. I wonder if it’s even possible at this point.

 

[tree]

Constantly expecting perfection isn't doing you any good.

Incremental increase is not failure.

To experience incremental increase one has to persist.
Not go *woah, didn't work, give up....*

 

[Tony Ramirez]

I am turning 36 this August and I still can’t even get a coffee date. I didn’t want to be like this but it’s what I’ve become.

Me either unless it's with the opposite gender and it drives me nuts but lately I am starting to not care because nothing I do seems to change anything.

If this even counts as an 10 gram solo hangout my coffee shop girl walked with me to get a coffee outside to the farmers market outside our church and we talked for about 10 minutes walking. I greatly appreciated it as she cheered be up and is a good friend but I know that is the closest I will ever in my life get a solo hand with a girl.

 

[thejuice]

@Tony Ramirez I got to go for a walk n talk with a pretty woman 2 years ago but she was a community connector working for the government still it was nice and my neighbour thought i had a girlfriend lmao

 

[paloftoon]

It has never crossed my mind. I just constantly worry that I’ve fallen too far behind and can’t catch up.

Society makes it seem like a competition, but it really isn't in the sense that you are free to live in this world.

Do you (or would you family help you to) have the means to go for a degree from a technical school or for a Bachelors degree?
If so, this is a good way to try to work for what you desire.

 

[Markness]

Constantly expecting perfection isn't doing you any good.

Incremental increase is not failure.

To experience incremental increase one has to persist.
Not go *woah, didn't work, give up....*

I just feel more discouraged these days when I don’t succeed at something because my siblings are constantly talking about new victories.

 

[Markness]

Society makes it seem like a competition, but it really isn't in the sense that you are free to live in this world.

Do you (or would you family help you to) have the means to go for a degree from a technical school or for a Bachelors degree?
If so, this is a good way to try to work for what you desire.

I’ve never been to a technical school and if it involved having to move away, my control freak mother wouldn’t support the idea. She thinks if I quit the job I have that I will never get another one unless it’s a fast food one and she considers that to be shameful.

My father has suggested going to a technical school but did not say what I should go there for.

 

[tree]

You have no ideas of your own?

Do you ever fix things around the house?
Or do anything in the craft/mechanical/electronics...etc line?
Wood/metal/fabrication/assembly?

 

[Markness]

You have no ideas of your own?

Do you ever fix things around the house?
Or do anything in the craft/mechanical/electronics...etc line?
Wood/metal/fabrication/assembly?

No, I have no say in how things are done around the house. Everything is up to my mother.

 

[Mary Terry]

If you can't go to any kind of school, then get a hobby, Markness. Something you can do at home or even just in your bedroom where I hope you have some kind of freedom from your mother. You have to figure out something that interests you.

If you like being outdoors, you could start a small garden in your yard, even if it is just cacti and succulents. There are gardening clubs, plant swaps, and other ways that gardeners spend time together. Some local Master Gardeners in my area regularly volunteer to maintain and restore old cemeteries and public parks that are often neglected. I've gotten cuttings from antique roses and old iris bulbs by volunteering to help at cemeteries which I planted in my yard.

My nephew, who is non-verbal autistic, helps at our local volunteer fire department when they have workdays or cleanup days at the station. This weekend, he will be helping them serve food at the annual fish fry event to raise money for the department. He meets lots of people and the long-time volunteers know him and love to see him come help. Can you volunteer to help a charity or a volunteer organization?

If you like to stay indoors, then find something useful and interesting that you can do at home that can lead to your meeting other people who share the same interest.

You have to do something or nothing will ever change in your life.

 

[Markness]

How can I make it happen?

 

[tree]

How can I make it happen?

With persistent effort.

 

[Markness]

If you can't go to any kind of school, then get a hobby, Markness. Something you can do at home or even just in your bedroom where I hope you have some kind of freedom from your mother. You have to figure out something that interests you.

If you like being outdoors, you could start a small garden in your yard, even if it is just cacti and succulents. There are gardening clubs, plant swaps, and other ways that gardeners spend time together. Some local Master Gardeners in my area regularly volunteer to maintain and restore old cemeteries and public parks that are often neglected. I've gotten cuttings from antique roses and old iris bulbs by volunteering to help at cemeteries which I planted in my yard.

My nephew, who is non-verbal autistic, helps at our local volunteer fire department when they have workdays or cleanup days at the station. This weekend, he will be helping them serve food at the annual fish fry event to raise money for the department. He meets lots of people and the long-time volunteers know him and love to see him come help. Can you volunteer to help a charity or a volunteer organization?

If you like to stay indoors, then find something useful and interesting that you can do at home that can lead to your meeting other people who share the same interest.

You have to do something or nothing will ever change in your life.

I actually do have some hobbies. They just aren’t in vogue with most of the people in my area or they only care about the mainstream aspects of the mediums. I have my own room in spite of my mother being a control freak.

I’ve done volunteering before. Sadly, it hasn’t translated to friendships.

 

[tree]

@Markness


What volunteer positions have you held?

How long did you pursue these activities?

 

[Mary Terry]

I actually do have some hobbies. They just aren’t in vogue with most of the people in my area or they only care about the mainstream aspects of the mediums. I have my own room in spite of my mother being a control freak.

I’ve done volunteering before. Sadly, it hasn’t translated to friendships.

Try volunteering again. Nothing ventured, nothing gained.

What are your hobbies?

 

[paloftoon]

I’ve never been to a technical school and if it involved having to move away, my control freak mother wouldn’t support the idea. She thinks if I quit the job I have that I will never get another one unless it’s a fast food one and she considers that to be shameful.

My father has suggested going to a technical school but did not say what I should go there for.

Ouch! While I understand your mother's concerns, she is holding you back. It's sad that they feel that fast food is a shameful job. Do you guys eat at fast food sometimes?

Also, at least you have your father's support. Your parents want YOU to choose a profession. There are many technical schools even in rural areas.

They might not have every technical field, but most/all schools in your area should have plumbing, electrician, or auto mechanic. If those seem too taxing, maybe you can find something where you work with flooring, carpeting, professional smoke removal, or try to apply for a job via one of the companies on the Hoarders show maybe.

If you don't try something if you have the opportunity, your mother will always have a reason to take control. Sounds like if you fail, your parents will pull you back up. That is stressful that they seem to hold you up from trying. Can you work or work part time at your current job while schooling? This would be optimal because you still have a job but you're trying to change your life positively so that you can grow yourself and be more eligible to get the women you want.

I'm sure there are 60+ year olds or women with no jobs that live with their parents that would probably be into you but that you probably are not into.