Would I be better or more miserable if I admit I will accept I will never have a girlfriend?

[Steelbookcollector217]

It's not hopeless, as there are plenty of autistic men who are in relationships.

yeah not unusual for a lot of autistic men to get into their first relationship until late in life such as 30s 40s or older

 

[Misty Avich]

yeah not unusual for a lot of autistic men to get into their first relationship until late in life such as 30s 40s or older

I know, my heart does go out to the autistic guys. I think a lot of women are shallow maybe, for me to make friends with and for autistic guys to date. Yes, I'm a woman but I can still admit that my gender can be shallow.

 

[Steelbookcollector217]

I know, my heart does go out to the autistic guys. I think a lot of women are shallow maybe, for me to make friends with and for autistic guys to date. Yes, I'm a woman but I can still admit that my gender can be shallow.

Yeah a lot of people feel that life is not worth living even if you get into your first relationship until very late in life because they feel it's not the way life is meant to be lived or not the way life is meant to be experienced.

another thing I don't like either is that women can get away with having bitterness and resentment towards men and tons of men will Overlook that in them and still date them but the other way around not as much

 

[Tony Ramirez]

It is hopeless when most women I encounter are in relationships already.

 

[Steelbookcollector217]

No doubt that men have it much more difficult when it comes to dating and relationships. Sure, there are instances of women being forever single, but it is much less common. I suspect that the problem has gotten worse given the dating sites and apps since women have all the power on there. My friend met his fiance on a common dating site, but she said that she got over a 100 messages in her first few days after joining. One week she set up a date for every day of the week. So I laugh when other members on here say how men do not have it any harder than women when it comes to dating. Not saying it is easy for anyone, but we have to look at the facts. Men get the short end of the stick in other ways as well. Men historically have gotten shafted when it comes to divorce in terms of how the assets get split up. Male lifespans are years shorter than women's, on average.

I found a case of a woman being forever single but I'm sure no doubt cases like this are male dominated, my gut instinct tells me so:I'm 40 And I've Never Had A Boyfriend

 

[Kalinychta]

@Tony Ramirez You know how you went to yoga for the sole purpose of scouting out women? Well, I was just thinking that if you really are going to let go of “getting a girlfriend” for now, perhaps you can join an exercise class that actually interests you. You certainly benefited from physical activity before.

 

[mw2530]

Yeah a lot of people feel that life is not worth living even if you get into your first relationship until very late in life because they feel it's not the way life is meant to be lived or not the way life is meant to be experienced.

I've felt this way at times. A relationship does seem less appealing to me as I get older. I will say that some people can get caught up in toxic relationships or relationships and can get trapped which can affect someone's entire life. So being single is preferable over that I think since we have the freedom to pursue interests and do what we want. I suspect that my siblings who are all married with families get jealous of my freedom at times. Their relationships are far from perfect, but I don't think they are toxic. On the other hand, I think they feel for me and the fact that I have never been in a serious relationship as far as they know although they never really bring it up to me. They are probably too busy with their own lives to give it much thought though.

 

[mw2530]

So reading these comments I am right since I am a non attractive man it is hopeless. Women I know as I seen don't remain single but men do. Also I know about four women who found there partner through dating apps but not one man and I always bring up that post when mentioned. Now you understand why I feel like giving up.

Yeah I understand your feeling of wanting to give up. I've felt that way at times. I go through periods where I give up and focus on my interests because it seems like a waste of time and energy pursuing something that I continue to fail at.

It is hopeless when most women I encounter are in relationships already.

I don't think it is hopeless as there is always hope but it is not easy or guaranteed either. Us men on the spectrum don't have any easy life. Many of us have suffered tremendously and most people have no idea.

 

[Steelbookcollector217]

I've felt this way at times. A relationship does seem less appealing to me as I get older. I will say that some people can get caught up in toxic relationships or relationships and can get trapped which can affect someone's entire life. So being single is preferable over that I think since we have the freedom to pursue interests and do what we want. I suspect that my siblings who are all married with families get jealous of my freedom at times. Their relationships are far from perfect, but I don't think they are toxic. On the other hand, I think they feel for me and the fact that I have never been in a serious relationship as far as they know although they never really bring it up to me. They are probably too busy with their own lives to give it much thought though.

Yeah unfortunately the desire never goes away

 

[Mary Terry]

So reading these comments I am right since I am a non attractive man it is hopeless. Women I know as I seen don't remain single but men do. Also I know about four women who found there partner through dating apps but not one man and I always bring up that post when mentioned. Now you understand why I feel like giving up.

What? Each of the four men who partnered up with the four women you mention also found their partners through a dating app.

 

[Steelbookcollector217]

What? Each of the four men who partnered up with the four women you mention also found their partners through a dating app.

I'm sure no doubt it was the guy who started the initial interaction and ask them out

 

[Kalinychta]

I'm sure no doubt it was the guy who started the initial interaction and ask them out

I would imagine it’s a bit more socially acceptable for women to “approach” men on dating sites, but it’s my understanding that on the most popular ones men generally outnumber women by three or four to one. I’m guessing within minutes of a woman’s profile going up she’s getting messages from men, so why would she need to initiate when seventy guys already have?

It’s also very unfair to feel so bitter and angry toward women for not approaching men. We’re taught that we’re not supposed to, just as men are taught that they are supposed to. It’s about dominance. Men are supposed to lead. But you seem to think that women don’t approach men because we’re entitled little princesses waiting for men to do the hard part. You are (presumably) shy and lack social skills and aren’t Mr. Charm Blossom - that isn’t women’s fault.

And honestly you really don’t seem to hold women in high regard, so I’m wondering why you’re even still interested in establishing a relationship with one at this point?

 

[BewilderedPerson]

I would imagine it’s a bit more socially acceptable for women to “approach” men on dating sites, but it’s my understanding that on the most popular ones men generally outnumber women by three or four to one. I’m guessing within minutes of a woman’s profile going up she’s getting messages from men, so why would she need to initiate when seventy guys already have?

It’s also very unfair to feel so bitter and angry toward women for not approaching men. We’re taught that we’re not supposed to, just as men are taught that they are supposed to. It’s about dominance. Men are supposed to lead. But you seem to think that women don’t approach men because we’re entitled little princesses waiting for men to do the hard part. You are (presumably) shy and lack social skills and aren’t Mr. Charm Blossom - that isn’t women’s fault.

And honestly you really don’t seem to hold women in high regard, so I’m wondering why you’re even still interested in establishing a relationship with one at this point?

You’re taught not to approach us, but maybe you don’t have to abide by what you’re taught. You won’t be arrested in doing so.

Just because men are shy or don’t have the social skills doesn’t mean they’re not good people or wouldn’t treat a woman well in a relationship.

I can’t speak for him. Women have made me hate myself and cry countless tears for nearly 20 years with little reprieve, making me wish I was dead and even actually having a failed attempt over someone.

It’d be nice to have a woman validate my existence and be my medicine, make me feel like I matter and that my life is not a failure. There is nothing like being with a woman. So, I need to feel it. Thankfully, I have at times in my life, but I need more.

 

[Kalinychta]

You’re taught not to approach us, but maybe you don’t have to abide by what you’re taught. You won’t be arrested in doing so.

I was talking about the way things are, not the way they should be or the way I want them to be. I’d be pretty thrilled to live in a society in which women could go after what they want and assert themselves without being slapped with the b word or the w word. But also the world isn’t going to change just because something is hard for you.

Just because men are shy or don’t have the social skills doesn’t mean they’re not good people or wouldn’t treat a woman well in a relationship.

I didn’t mean to imply that. I’m saying that if you lack the social skills, confidence, self-esteem, etc. to approach women and make a good impression, that isn’t women’s fault.

I can’t speak for him. Women have made me hate myself and cry countless tears for nearly 20 years with little reprieve, making me wish I was dead and even actually having a failed attempt over someone.

It’d be nice to have a woman validate my existence and be my medicine, make me feel like I matter and that my life is not a failure. There is nothing like being with a woman. So, I need to feel it. Thankfully, I have at times in my life, but I need more.

I get it. Most humans need love and companionship. But when you need something or someone outside of yourself to validate you and comfort you and be your entire reason for existing, that’s bad. No one can do/be that for you, and no one wants to be with someone like that (except malignant narcissists, as I mentioned earlier). It sucks, though, because when you’re in pain it’s difficult to think rationally about this stuff.

 

[BewilderedPerson]

I was talking about the way things are, not the way they should be or the way I want them to be. I’d be pretty thrilled to live in a society in which women could go after what they want and assert themselves without being slapped with the b word or the w word. But also the world isn’t going to change just because something is hard for you.

I didn’t mean to imply that. I’m saying that if you lack the social skills, confidence, self-esteem, etc. to approach women and make a good impression, that isn’t women’s fault.

I get it. Most humans need love and companionship. But when you need something or someone outside of yourself to validate you and comfort you and be your entire reason for existing, that’s bad. No one can do/be that for you, and no one wants to be with someone like that (except malignant narcissists, as I mentioned earlier). It sucks, though, because when you’re in pain it’s difficult to think rationally about this stuff.

Okay, would you be willing to live by example and approach men, then, since you imply what is isn’t necessarily the way it should be?

I know I can handle not being compatible with everyone, I can’t handle not being compatible with anyone. Being told no by women 99.9% of the time isn’t exactly endearing to one’s confidence. I’ve felt at times that no woman on an app will ever talk to me or go on a date with me again. Yet, I’ve gone on two this year.

More than just pain, trauma, feeling worthless, feeling like it’ll never happen. Imagine talking with someone off Hiki for every day for almost three months, making her blush, her telling you you look good, her telling you you’re great, you’re awesome and you make her laugh, then out of the blue, it’s all over.

And I can tell you, my life wasn’t perfect during that time talking to her, but she helped in a big way. I had reasons to feel good, feeling stressed a lot, but without the misery of feeling lonely. That misery has gone back and in my early thirties, I question if I’ll ever get married, despite that being among the few things I want more than anything else in this world.

 

[Kalinychta]

Okay, would you be willing to live by example and approach men, then, since you imply what is isn’t necessarily the way it should be?

I have sometimes, actually, but it’s tricky since in my experience most men prefer to be the hunter, as opposed to the huntee, so to speak. And I guess I’ve rarely even had to approach anyone. They either turn up before I’ve even thought about it, or I’m already acquainted with them in some way.

I know I can handle not being compatible with everyone, I can’t handle not being compatible with anyone. Being told no by women 99.9% of the time isn’t exactly endearing to one’s confidence. I’ve felt at times that no woman on an app will ever talk to me or go on a date with me again. Yet, I’ve gone on two this year.

More than just pain, trauma, feeling worthless, feeling like it’ll never happen. Imagine talking with someone off Hiki for every day for almost three months, making her blush, her telling you you look good, her telling you you’re great, you’re awesome and you make her laugh, then out of the blue, it’s all over.

And I can tell you, my life wasn’t perfect during that time talking to her, but she helped in a big way. I had reasons to feel good, feeling stressed a lot, but without the misery of feeling lonely. That misery has gone back and in my early thirties, I question if I’ll ever get married, despite that being among the few things I want more than anything else in this world.

I’m sorry. : ( Apparently it meant more to you than it did to her. Sometimes things don’t work out, especially online, and it’s normal to feel disappointed, but it shouldn’t crush you. Nobody seems to want to hear it, but the best thing you can do for yourself is to just let go and accept that you can’t control or force this part of your life, so you should spend your time on things that make you happy, things that you can control.

 

[BewilderedPerson]

I have sometimes, actually, but it’s tricky since in my experience most men prefer to be the hunter, as opposed to the huntee, so to speak. And I guess I’ve rarely even had to approach anyone. They either turn up before I’ve even thought about it, or I’m already acquainted with them in some way.

I’m sorry. : ( Apparently it meant more to you than it did to her. Sometimes things don’t work out, especially online, and it’s normal to feel disappointed, but it shouldn’t crush you. Nobody seems to want to hear it, but the best thing you can do for yourself is to just let go and accept that you can’t control or force this part of your life, so you should spend your time on things that make you happy, things that you can control.

It really doesn’t matter to me at this point, whether she initiates or I do, just want to meet my person already

It crushes me by putting months of work into something, only for the other person to cease contact, or how I spent months talking to someone this summer and she canceled a date on me not once, but twice, or I’ve had a couple of women cancel the day of.

I do know how have my periods, though, where I’m okay being single and just living life and it’s all good.

Then I’m at this feeling now where I hate myself and am crushed and driven to madness. Though I know it’ll eventually subside, either by talking to someone else or it just naturally fading.

At 32 years old, I could meet someone at 64 for all I care.

But I have to meet someone and have my dream wedding before I die.

 

[Steelbookcollector217]

I would imagine it’s a bit more socially acceptable for women to “approach” men on dating sites, but it’s my understanding that on the most popular ones men generally outnumber women by three or four to one. I’m guessing within minutes of a woman’s profile going up she’s getting messages from men, so why would she need to initiate when seventy guys already have?

It’s also very unfair to feel so bitter and angry toward women for not approaching men. We’re taught that we’re not supposed to, just as men are taught that they are supposed to. It’s about dominance. Men are supposed to lead. But you seem to think that women don’t approach men because we’re entitled little princesses waiting for men to do the hard part. You are (presumably) shy and lack social skills and aren’t Mr. Charm Blossom - that isn’t women’s fault.

And honestly you really don’t seem to hold women in high regard, so I’m wondering why you’re even still interested in establishing a relationship with one at this point?

well it just feels like an injustice on how it's far more common for men than it is for women to end up forever alone, as in, reach a certain age and have never been with anyone before.

The OP says he is in his 40s and never been with anyone, I'm sure for all time it's always been more common for men than for women to reach a decade like that and to have never been with anyone.

I kind of feel like that even though I have kind of dated two women it's just that my longest relationship didn't feel like a true relationship because she was an asexual person.

Because of that I feel like I haven't had a true girlfriend yet because she didn't really have a sexual side to her.

A couple of pages back I explained why I'm filled with bitterness and anger and resentment

 

[Steelbookcollector217]

I was talking about the way things are, not the way they should be or the way I want them to be. I’d be pretty thrilled to live in a society in which women could go after what they want and assert themselves without being slapped with the b word or the w word. But also the world isn’t going to change just because something is hard for you.

I didn’t mean to imply that. I’m saying that if you lack the social skills, confidence, self-esteem, etc. to approach women and make a good impression, that isn’t women’s fault.

I get it. Most humans need love and companionship. But when you need something or someone outside of yourself to validate you and comfort you and be your entire reason for existing, that’s bad. No one can do/be that for you, and no one wants to be with someone like that (except malignant narcissists, as I mentioned earlier). It sucks, though, because when you’re in pain it’s difficult to think rationally about this stuff.

And it does make me angry whenever people say it's never too late or whenever people say there's no age cap on love or dating and relationships because some things are just meant to be better experienced when you are in your young youthful years.

When you are in the prime of your physical body or physical shape or just highest peak libido or most stamina.

I remember this one statement from this one woman who was telling a guy on how it's never too late for him to have his first girlfriend and her response was "Because it isn't. My 72 year-old landlord and her 90 year-old boyfriend are proof of that."

But yeah I know for a fact and I'm sure most people in the world will agree that it's far more common for men than it is for women to overlook bitterness and resentment or a bad attitude in the opposite sex than the other way around.

A woman with the OP's attitude of this thread, will be in much better position to get into a relationship than a man will.

But yeah if you go a couple of pages back I will explain my reason for feeling better and resentful because I was in a mismatched relationship or we were just sexually incompatible.

I also made the wrong decision to stay with her for too long because I didn't want to become single again but more importantly I didn't want to have to go through the drama or the burden of having to court a woman all over again or not wanting to have to pursue an approach and have to initiate interactions with women all over again.

I've always hated and resented being the Hunter and pursuer and I know I will hate it until the day I die and until my last breath.

I didn't really have to pursue or Court or approach that last relationship I was in I was kind of introduced to her or set up with her by her cousin so it felt kind of mutual but we all know that the vast majority of the time the man has to do most of the work in the beginning in order for the relationship to happen or start.

 

[Tony Ramirez]

@Tony Ramirez You know how you went to yoga for the sole purpose of scouting out women? Well, I was just thinking that if you really are going to let go of “getting a girlfriend” for now, perhaps you can join an exercise class that actually interests you. You certainly benefited from physical activity before.

Who says I don't love doing yoga. I do love doing yoga which is why I go. Yes that was my original intention but now I love doing it otherwise I would not cope with classes with mostly old people and men, private classes and few classes with attractive women.